


fruit squad

by ItsNotYouItsMimi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Cryptids, Everyone is a nerd, F/F, F/M, Fruit, Gen, M/M, Multi, Some sin, Trans Adrien, adrien is a weeaboo, alya is too attached to the ladyblog, and ladybug in general, be aware, chat fic, everyone is gay or genderqueer in some way, gays must flock together, ladyla, lots of fruit, this is basically wanna chat but worse, this was a trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9260714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsNotYouItsMimi/pseuds/ItsNotYouItsMimi
Summary: Marinette, Adrien, Alya, and Nino are all in a group chat together.





	1. marinate and durian

**Author's Note:**

> as i said in the notes this is basically wanna chat but like. not as good so be prepared
> 
> i'm sorry if its hard to read but i am too lazy to italicize and bold everythign soRRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The saga begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello mtv and welcome to my fic

ladybug is my wife added skrillex v2, banana child, and #notladybug to the chat.

 

11:42 pm

ladybug is my wife: hello friends it is i

banana child: what is this 

banana child: who's #notladybug

ladybug is my wife: smh

#notladybug: it's marinette hi

skrillex v2: i'm nino 

banana child: dude i know you text me like every day 

skrillex v2: i was talking to marinette???

skrillex v2: tsk tsk

skrillex v2: not everything is about you adrien

#notladybug: ADRJEN

#notladybug: LIKE ADRIEN AGRESTE

#notladybug: WHAT

#notladybug: WHY AN I IN A CHAT WIFH DURIAN

ladybug is my wife: durian

skrillex v2: durian

#notladybug: NO

#notladybug: WAIT

banana child: i'm changing my name to that

banana child has changed their name to durian agreste.

#notladybug: i want to die

ladybug is my wife: don't we all

skrillex v2: isn't durian a fruit

ladybug is my wife: ye

skrillex v2: what am i then

ladybug is my wife: ninorange

ladybug is my wife: i'm papalya

ladybug is my wife: marinette is mariana

ladybug is my wife: fruit squad

#notladybug: marinara isn't a fruit

ladybug is my wife: tomato's a fruit though

durian agreste: it is???

skrillex v2: i don't know why adrien changed his name

skrillex v2: bananas are a fruit

durian agreste: yeah but i like durian better

ladybug is my wife: the man has Spoken

ladybug is my wife has changed their name to papalya.

papalya: come on guys you have to change your names with me

#notladybug: i'm not changing my name to marinara

durian agreste: come on marinate

durian agreste: do it for the meme

papalya: MARINATE

durian agreste: oh god

skrillex v2: marinate

#notladybug has changed their name to marinate bread.

skrillex v2: why bread

marinate bread: bc of dupain ???

durian agreste: marinette is that a pun 

marinate bread: ....possibly

durian agreste: i knew there was a reason i married you

papalya: WOAHD THERE

papalya: marinette is MY wife

papalya: hands off durian

skrillex v2: i thought ladybug was your wife though

papalya: i guess marinette is ladybug then

marinate bread: my screen name was literally just #notladybug

papalya: that sounds like something someone who was secretly ladybug would say

marinate bread: why am i friends with you

papalya: ladybug's getting stingy ooh

durian agreste: that'd make her queen bee wouldn't it

durian agreste: hey marinette

durian agreste: would you say alya's accusations are BUGGING you

marinate bread: i'm breaking up with you

papalya: MARINETTE YOU WERENT EVEN DATING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE

papalya: ADRIEN STOP STEALING MY GIRL

durian agreste: it's not my fault i'm incredibly charismatic and attractive

skrillex v2: this is why you have no friends

durian agreste: i'm shocked and offended

papalya: NINO YOU GOTTA CHANGE YOUR NAME TO A FRUIT

skrillex v2 has changed their name to ninorange.

ninorange: there is that better

papalya: much

durian agreste: alya why did you make this chat so late

durian agreste: it's like almost midnight

papalya: friendship stops for no one

durian agreste: it stops for me

durian agreste: i'm going to bed

ninorange: dude that's so lame

ninorange: this is why friendship stops for you

ninorange: who wants to hang out with someone who actually goes to bed on time

durian agreste: marinette back me up here

durian agreste: marinette they're attacking me

durian agreste: mariiiiiiiiiii

marinate bread: not your husband

durian agreste: what?

durian agreste: OH

durian agreste: no i meant like the nickname not the word for husband

marinate bread: i know lmao

marinate bread: also i would hang out with you even if you are a nerd that goes to bed early

durian agreste: that could've been nice you know but you called me a nerd halfway through which kind of detracts from the sentiment

marinate bread: that's the idea

marinate bread: goodnight nerd 

durian agreste: ... i'll take what i can get

durian agreste: goodnight guys

papalya: GOODNIGHT NERD

ninorange: goodnight bro

papalya: smh he's #weak

marinate bread: i'm going to bed too

papalya: WTF WHY

papalya: I THOUGJT I COUKD TRSUT YOU

marinate bread: there's a chem test tomorrow ??

marinate bread: gotta be Well Rested

papalya: lame

marinate bread: don't complain when you fail the test tomorrow from sleep deprivation 

papalya: whatever nerd

ninorange: goodnight you guys

 

1:26 am

papalya: it's 1 am and i'm watching the bee movie

ninorange: why though

ninorange: isn't it about a bee in a turtleneck sweater trying to sue a honey company with the help of a woman who left her own fiancé for a bee

papalya: yes 

papalya: it's a true cinematic masterpiece 

ninorange: why are you up so late

papalya: i could ask the same of you

ninorange: you texted the group chat and i have my notifications on

papalya: that's a bad idea tbh

papalya: you should always mute group chats

papalya: or else you're either really unproductive always or constantly bothered

ninorange: yeah but

ninorange: what if i miss something

ninorange: you have like all your notifications on anyways 

papalya: i gotta know what's happening

papalya: did you see adrien's phone 

papalya: he has literally all his notifications turned off

papalya: he has like 30 apps he could get notifications for and they're all turned off

ninorange: i mean that's fair

ninorange: if he did have em turned on his phone would die in like an hour

ninorange: he's famous alya he got 24,533 likes on a blurry photo of a cat he found outside the window

papalya: that makes it sound like the cat was levitating

ninorange: maybe it was

papalya: wait where did he post that picture

ninorange: instagram

ninorange: look

ninorange sent you a photo.

#spotted

papalya: that is truly horrible quality

papalya: don't you have a pr team adrien

papalya: how did you get away with that

ninorange: it's so late go to sleep babe

papalya: no i gotta finish the bee movie

ninorange: smh

6:53 am

durian agreste: okay alya to be fair

durian agreste: it is my account 

durian agreste: and that photo is extremely important

papalya: ur si Lam e

durian agreste: ... are you okay

papalya: i;m F i.e.n ! !! 

papalya: my sisets woe me up a t 4 am

papalya: i'm rubinyg on 2hiris of slepe

durian agreste: rubinyg

papalya: shut up bwrrd your w line 11

ninorange: .. what ???

papalya: shut up nerd you're like 11

marinate bread: a coherent secejtince!!! Huzzah!!

durian: secejtince

marinate bread: leaf me a loan

durian agreste: how did you suddenly type perfectly there

papalya: i'm using text to voice r n

durian agreste: Ohhh

papalya: hey what do you think of the bon appetit meme

ninorange: the what

papalya: bone apple tea

papalya: toe tap a flea

papalya: loan me the keys

papalya: don't fuck a bee

papalya: osteoporosis

durian agreste: that's a thing??

ninorange: you do know we're french right

papalya: i don't know anything

ninorange: me neither tbh

marinate bread: oh god we have p.e. today

durian agreste: what's wrong with PE?????

papalya: Oh you sweet summer child

marinate bread: you're joking right

durian agreste: PE is great!!!

papalya: you think physics is great too

durian agreste: what's that supposed to mean

ninorange: it means you're a nerd

marinate bread: we knew THAT at least

durian agreste: :((

durian agreste: stop bullying me

durian agreste: this is why my dad didn't want me to go to school

papalya: oooh marinette better lay it back then

papalya: you wouldn't want the love of your life taken out of school

durian agreste: wait what

marinate bread: ALYA

durian agreste: marinette likes me????

ninorange: you are literally the most oblivious person

papalya: smh

durian agreste: i'm so confused 

durian agreste: i thought that was a joke

marinate bread: IT WAS

papalya: ok but you do like him

marinate bread: don't say things when you're running on 2 hours of sleep

papalya: :((((

durian agreste: but does marinette like me?????

marinate bread: NO i hate you with my entire being

durian agreste: :(

marinate bread: i'm sorry that was rude

marinate bread: i was being sarcastic

marinate bread: i do like you

marinate bread: but you aren't the love of my life

durian agreste: there goes our marriage

papalya: sweet now i can take back my girl

papalya: marinette buy me coffee

marinate bread: ok fine i love adrien let's get remarried

papalya: rude

marinate bread: i'm not buying you coffee

papalya: i'm gonna die marinette 

marinate bread: i don't care

papalya: Bad Friend Detected trademark

marinate bread: what

papalya: Bad Friend Detected ™ 

papalya: sorry that's my shortcut 

marinate bread: oh my god just go to class

papalya: SEE YOU ST DCHOOOL

10:22 am

durian agreste: Marinette why didn't you tell me you liked me

papalya: banana boy is still ##shook

durian agreste: gah don't call me that

papalya: whatever durian

marinate bread: why are we still talking about this

durian agreste: because if you'd told me we could've been dating a long time ago

marinate bread: woAH

papalya: FSDDGSSGSD

papalya: ITS HAPPENING

papalya has changed their name to adrinette stan #1.

ninorange: what did i miss

durian agreste: calm down alya it was a joke omg

adrinette stan #1: DONT TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT

durian agreste: ????

 

durian agreste: i barely even know marinette???

adrinette stan #1: that can change

durian agreste: She avoided me so much i thought she hated me until you made this chat

marinate bread: wh

marinate bread: what

marinate bread: i'm

marinate bread sent you a photo.

 

adrinette stan #1: ok come on marinette now is the Perfect Time ™ 

marinate bread: this is all your fault 

marinate bread: i hate you

adrinette stan #1 sent you a photo.

durian agreste: perfect time for what

marinate bread: i'm not doing it with that as his username

durian agreste: ????

 

durian agreste: I'm so curious I'm just gonna change it

durian agreste has changed their name to what is going on.

marinate bread: try again

 

what is going on has changed their name to adrichou.

marinate bread: that's so lame

adrichou: I'M lame we established this

adrichou: just go

marinate bread: ok FINE

marinate bread: i.... have a crush 

marinate bread: on

marinate bread: …

marinate bread: ladybug

adrinette stan #1: MARINETTE OH MY GOD

adrinette stan #1: you're actually the worst

adrinette stan #1: just tell him for gods sales

adrinette stan #1: poor boy isn't going to figure it out on his own

ninorange: sales

adrinette stan #1: ok u know what nino

ninorange: no

ninorange: what

adrinette stan #1: u can just stop bullying me and my typos

adrinette stan #1: we've been thru a lot together

adrinette stan #1: fine i'll do it

adrinette stan #1: adrien

adrichou: yes?

adrinette stan #1: marinette has a crush on you

adrichou: She does????

adrichou: I thought she had a crush on ladybug

marinate bread: FDHSHSHGED THAT WAS A JOKE

adrinette stan #1: well to be fair

adrinette stan #1: I have a crush on ladybug too

adrichou: me too

ninorange: yeah she's pretty cool

ninorange: chat noir could kick my ass though

marinate bread: pls that boy is stick thin

marinate bread: he couldn't kick anyone's ass

adrinette stan #1: he could kick MY ass

adrinette stan #1: he goes on the ladyblog all the time and types up nice comments about ladybugthey warm my heart

adrinette stan #1: his puns are dumb but his heart is smart

adrichou: What does that even mean

adrinette stan #1: it means he's a mushy goofball and i lvoe him

adrichou: wait how do you know he leaves comments???

adrichou: i've never seen his screenname in the comments

adrinette stan #1: yeah well even if you set your comment to anonymous

adrinette stan #1: i can still see who wrote it

adrichou: YOU CAN

adrinette stan #1: chat noir uses an embarrassing number of cat emoticons tbh

adrinette stan #1: i can't believe ladybug is dating a furry

marinate bread: ok first of all they're not dating

adrinette stan #1: just you wait ;)

marinate bread: and second of all i'm 99% sure she knows he's into BDSM

marinate bread: i don't think she cares whether he's a furry or not

marinate bread: he wears a leather catsuit for god s sakes

marinate bread: i don't think it's his attire or his sexual preferences that she's interested in

adrichou: CHAT NOIR'S NOT A FURRY

adrichou: NEITHER IS HE INTO BDSM

adrichou: WHY WOULD YOU THIBK THAT

adrinette stan #1: leather! cat emoticons! 

adrinette stan #1: did you know i caught a video of him saying "you know how i like to be in command" once

adrichou: FHDHSGSHA 

adrichou: THAT WASNT ABOUT BDSM

adrinette stan #1: ok if you say so ;)

 

adrichou: i'm gonna tell chat noir you think he's into BDSM

adrinette stan #1: I'LL TELL HIM FIRST

marinate bread: u are going to destroy the poor boy, on live television,

adrinette stan #1: DONT WORRY I WONT CAPTURE IT

adrinette stan #1: i just want to see what he'll say

adrichou: glossing right over THAT

adrichou: marinette you don't think they're dating???

marinate bread: NO

adrinette stan #1: why not??????

adrinette stan #1: they have such good chemistry

adrichou: Ikr

marinate bread: i say they're single until proven dating

ninorange: ok but why did we just skip right over marinette having a crush on adrien

ninorange: i thought everyone would be freaking out a lot more

marinate bread: everyone knows it doesn't count unless you say it in person

marinate bread: also i was hoping he'd forget

adrichou: I still thought alya was joking

adrichou: You actually do have a crush on me?

marinate bread: *sighs*

marinate bread: yeP

marinate bread: but not anymore

adrichou: 3

adrinette stan #1: WHY NOT

marinate bread: i can't date someone who can't admit that chat noir is a furry

marinate bread: chat noir more like chat nya~

adrichou: next time i see chat i'm gonna tell him what horrible people you all are

adrichou: i'm pretty sure he's met half of you guys

ninorange: WHAT WAS THAT

adrichou: what?? what did i say

adrinette stan #1: SPEAK OF THE DEVIL

adrinette stan #1: ok ill be back i gotta capture this fight for the ladyblog

marinate bread: they aren't even there yet???

adrinette stan #1: yeah but they're gonNNA BE

adrinette stan #1: they're hecka fast so i have to be ahead of them 

adrinette stan #1: you know what i'm gonna livetext this

adrinette stan #1: so you all can stay Updated

ninorange: you're the best babe

adrinette stan #1: i know

adrinette stan #1: FUCK i forgot how much i love their relationship

adrinette stan #1 changed their name to ladynoir stan #1.

ninorange: that's so rude to adrien and marinette 

ladynoir stan #1: aah they'll forgive me

ladynoir stan #1: CHAT NOIR HAS BEEN FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI

ninorange: what happened

ladynoir stan #1: the akuma kicked chat off a roof

ninorange: is he okay

ladynoir stan #1: he's alright but he died

ninorange: rip chat

ladynoir stan #1: now ladybug's kicking HIM off a roof

ninorange: wait the akuma or chat

ladynoir stan #1: sdfdhdggs the akuma

ladynoir stan #1: WHY WOULD SHE KICK HER BOYFRIEND OFF A ROOF

ninorange: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

ninorange: you never know with ladybug

ladynoir stan #1: SHES USING HWR LUCKY CHARM ITS HAPPENING

ninorange: what is it

ladynoir stan #1: handcuffs

ladynoir stan #1: this is only fueling chat's bdsm kink i s2g

ninorange: is it really??

ladynoir stan #1: lmao no

ladynoir stan #1: i have no idea what it is

ladynoir stan #1: OH

ladynoir stan #1: it's a coffee cup

ninorange: how's she gonna use that

ladynoir stan #1: idk dude 

ladynoir stan #1: WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING

ladynoir stan #1: oh

ladynoir stan #1: OH

ladynoir stan #1: that's fucjing genius tbh

ladynoir stan #1: get this

ladynoir stan #1: she splashed coffee in the akuma's face and he went momentarily blind

ladynoir stan #1: that's one of her most direct uses of a lucky charm so far

ladynoir stan #1: normally she does some weird elaborate plan

ladynoir stan #1: but this time . Nope

ladynoir stan #1: jsut scalding hot coffee to the face 

ladynoir stan #1: OH FUCK SHES LEAVING

ladynoir stan #1: I GOTTA ASK HER AND CHAT SHIT

ladynoir stan #1: HANG ON

ladynoir stan #1: I'M FJCJJG SOBBIGN

ladynoir stan #1: so i got ladybug and chat on their own right

ladynoir stan #1: no other reporters around and i'm not filming them

ladynoir stan #1: i ask ladybug "are you guys furries"

ladynoir stan #1: and she doESNT MISS A BEAT

ladynoir stan #1: she just goes

ladynoir stan #1: "i'm not but chat is"

ladynoir stan #1: he just gASpS and sPLuTteRs

ladynoir stan #1: "NO I'M NOT MY LADY!!!!"

ladynoir stan #1: and she's like

ladynoir stan #1: "you're the one with the skintight leather catsuit chat"

ladynoir stan #1: poor boy can't respond for the life of him

ladynoir stan #1: so i switch topics 

 

ladynoir stan #1: and ask chat if he's into bdsm

ladynoir stan #1: he gets even redder

ladynoir stan #1: but then dO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS

ladynoir stan #1: "i'm not but my lady is"

ladynoir stan #1: WHAT KIND OF SAVAG,,

ladynoir stan #1: and she just gets so offended 

ladynoir stan #1: "YOURE the one who 'likes to be in command!!!'"

ladynoir stan #1: if this isn't relationship goals idk what is

ladynoir stan #1: then chat made sure i wasn't filming him

ladynoir stan #1: and told me not to mention this to anybody

ladynoir stan #1: oh fck i'm mentioning it to you guys

ladynoir stan #1: ehhh you don't count

ladynoir stan #1: they'll probably forgive me

ladynoir stan #1: where did you all go

adrichou: 62 messages... 

adrichou: i was only gone for 6 minutes??

ladynoir stan #1: that's only about 10 messages per minute

adrichou: yeah and 6 seconds to type a message 

adrichou: You're like the queen of message spamming

ladynoir stan #1: thank you i try

marinate bread: AAAAH IM BACK

marinate bread: what did i miss

ninorange: ladybug threw hot coffee in an akuma's face and kicked him off a roof

ladynoir stan #1: i'm gonna edit my footage of that to the music of all star by smash mouth

ladynoir stan #1: so it's someBODY once told me

adrichou: THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

ninorange: I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED

adrichou: SHE WAS LOOKING KINDA DUMB

ninorange: WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB

ladynoir stan #1: IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD

adrichou: WELL

 

marinate bread: this is why i no longer have a crush on you

ninorange: did you know he used to unironically listen to this song

marinate bread: NO HE DIDNT

ninorange: you got me he didn't 

ninorange: but he DID use to listen to bring me to life unironically

marinate bread: REALLY

adrichou: the years start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming 

adrichou: also I DID NOT

adrichou: DON'T LJSTNE TO HIM MARINETE

marinate bread: marinete

adrichou: oh my god 

adrichou: Wait wheres alya

ladynoir stan #1: oh i was just editing all star onto my footage of ladybug kicking an akuma off the roof

marinate bread: alya pls no

ninorange: are you really

adrichou: oh my god

ladynoir stan #1: ....yes

ladynoir stan #1: ok before you yell at me

ladynoir stan #1: it fits surprisingly well

ninorange has left the chat.

marinate bread has left the chat.

ladynoir stan #1: NOOO MY BF AND MY WIFE

ladynoir stan #1: adrien my son please don't leave me

adrichou: sorry alya

adrichou has left the chat.

ladynoir stan #1: :'(

ladynoir stan #1: all around me are familiar faces 

ladynoir stan #1: worn out places

ladynoir stan #1: worn out faces

ladynoir stan #1: ... i'm so lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants to validate me i certainly would not complain


	2. chatboy and lavabug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya hosts an online 2am Sharkboy and Lavagirl viewing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chat is just basically the ml group chat but with alya adrien nino and marinette i swear 2 god
> 
> btw i recommend you look up pigalle to get some of the references in here
> 
> (this is kinda short but i'll be posting a new segment p soon i hope so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ )

2:18 am

ladynoir stan #1: ANYONE WANT TO WATCH SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL WITH ME

ladynoir stan #1: LEMME SET UP A LIVESTREAM

marinate bread: alya why

marinate bread: it's 2 am

ladynoir stan #1: ya what's ur point

ninorange: why are any of you awake

adrichou: it's friday night nino 

adrichou: gotta live it up

ninorange: actually it's saturday morning

ladynoir stan #1: i'm setting up a stream rn

adrichou: Wait what happened to editing all star onto that clip of ladybug

ladynoir stan #1: oh i'm done with that

ladynoir stan #1: but i finished it like 15 min ago and no ones awake at 2am

ladynoir stan #1: plus a good number of my followers on the ladyblog are american and it's 8am over there

ladynoir stan #1: which is real early

ninorange: damn straight it is

marinate bread: more like damn gay

adrichou: Marinette you're gay??

marinate bread: i'm bi

marinate bread: you're cute but so is alya you feel

ladynoir stan #1: i'm would die for you

marinate bread: i lov u 2

adrichou: what is happening 

ninorange: they're lesbians harold

marinate bread: what's this bi erasure

ladynoir stan #1: hey what's everyone's sexualities if ur comfortable

ladynoir stan #1: i'm bi as heck

marinate bread: we're the bi babes

ladynoir stan #1: BI BABES I LOVE THAT

adrichou: I'm not sure actually

adrichou: I've only fallen in love with one person and she was a girl

adrichou: but i don't want to slap a label on myself just yet

ladynoir stan #1: that's great good 4 u!!! i'm glad you're giving urslef time to figure it out

adrichou: thank you 

ninorange: i think i'm ace but like adrien idk yet

ninorange: i mean i love alya an awful lot

ladynoir stan #1: i'm love you too

ladynoir stan #1: but ace doesn't mean u can't experience other attraction !!

ninorange: yea i know

ninorange: i just lvoe you

marinate bread: this is gross n sappy

adrichou: you know what i just realized

adrichou: we never did pronouns

ladynoir stan #1: ya we did?????

ladynoir stan #1: first day of school everyone went around and said their pronouns

ninorange: dude he wasn't THERE

ladynoir stan #1: OH FUCK YOURE RIGHT

ladynoir stan #1: i use she/her

marinate bread: me 2

ninorange: he/him 

adrichou: he/him/his

ladynoir stan #1: AIGHT COOL IM GLAD TO KNOW ALL THIS

ladynoir stan #1: THAT SOUNDS SARCASTIC BUT IM REALLY HAPPY THAT IVE BEEN USIG THE RIGHT PRONOUNS

marinate bread: usig

ladynoir stan #1: you know what marinate

ladynoir stan #1: oh and here's the sharkboy and lavagirl link

ladynoir stan #1 has sent you a link.

ladynoir stan #1: mr. electricidad reminds me of adrien's dad

adrichou: ....

adrichou: I feel obligated to watch this now

ladynoir stan #1: HECK YECK

ladynoir stan #1: come join the fun adrien

ladynoir stan #1: ninoooooo

ladynoir stan #1: mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

ladynoir stan #1: :(((((((((((((

marinate bread: oh my god FINE

ladynoir stan #1: <33333333

marinate bread: is that taylor lautner

ladynoir stan #1: sure is

adrichou: who's Taylor Lautner

ninorange: he did this video i think

ninorange has sent you a link.

ladynoir stan #1: how ironic that it's about catching fruit

ladynoir stan #1: and we're the fruit squad 

ninorange: i'm the only one with a fruit username you all are posers

adrichou: cabbage is a vegetable though

marinate bread: cabbage???

adrichou: adriCHOU

ladynoir stan #1: also ladynoir is a very FRUITful ship

marinate bread: for all you know the marinate in my username is a fruit marinate of some kind

ninorange: whatever nerds

marinate bread: i like nerds

ladynoir stan #1: so THATS why you like adrien

adrichou: :((((

marinate bread: the CANDY alya

ladynoir stan #1: look it's you guys in winter

ladynoir stan #1 has sent you a photo.

ninorange: frosty nerds???

adrichou: omg lavagirl reminds me of ladybug

ladynoir stan #1: ladybug's prettier though

ladynoir stan #1: also she's not even on screen????

adrichou: i know but it just occurred to me

ninorange: ITS THE DREAM JOURNAL SCENE

ladynoir stan #1: HE RUINED MY DREAM JOURNAL

ninorange: Ｉ ｄｉｄ ｎＡＵＧＨＴｔ！ Ｍｉｓｔｅｒ Ｅｌｅｃｔｉｃ ｓｅｎｄ ｈｉｍ ｔｏ ｔｈｅ ｐｒｉｎｃｉｐａｌ＇ｓ ｏｆｆｉｃｅ ａｎｄ ｈａｖｅ ｈｉｍ ＥＸｐｅｌＬｅｄ！

adrichou: if mr electricidad is my dad then who's max

ladynoir stan #1: you

ninorange: nice dr phil quote

adrichou: ???

ninorange has sent you a photo.

marinate bread: who's linus then

ladynoir stan #1: i think you mean MINUS

ladynoir stan #1: marinette you're minus since it starts with m and i ship max and linus together

marinate bread: WHY

ladynoir stan #1: WHY NOT

ninorange: i would just like to point out that the robots name is literally just robot backwards 

ninorange: and the dads talking about CREATIVITY smh

adrichou: lavagirl just picked up an entire desk damn she's #shredded

adrichou: pick me up lavagirl

marinate bread: I could pick up a desk

marinate bread: IM shredded

ladynoir stan #1: getting a little jealous are we marinette ;))

ninorange: i mean it's not like she's wrong 

ladynoir stan #1: ... ok tru

marinate bread: this cgi is physically painful to watch

marinate bread: my eyes are bleeding

ninorange: i mean to their credit it WAS made in 2005

adrichou: i was 3 when this movie came out

ladynoir stan #1: the answer to a question i never asked

adrichou: so were you

marinate bread: i wonder why i didn't see it as a child then

adrichou: i would pay lavagirl to kick my ass tbh

ladynoir stan #1: gASP

ladynoir stan #1: ADRIEN AGRESTE WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

adrichou: what?????

adrichou: you guys swear all the time

ninorange: that's different

adrichou: how???????

marinate bread: u are but a child

adrichou: i'm older than all of you

ladynoir stan #1: his innocence has been SOILED

adrichou: :/

adrichou: i just love ladybug

ladynoir stan #1: ladybug????

ninorange: where did that come from

adrichou: LAVAGIRL I MEANT LAVAGIRL

ladynoir stan #1: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

ladynoir stan #1: so do you secretly love ladybug

adrichou: I very openly have a really big crush on ladybug

adrichou: this is not new information

marinate bread: wow ok i see how much our marriage means to you

ninorange: ...

ladynoir stan #1: what

ninorange: every time you mention ladybug or chat an akuma shows up

ladynoir stan #1: there's an akuma??????

marinate bread: it is 3 in the gotdamn morning i don't have the energy to deal with this

marinate bread: i just want to watch and make fun of sharkboy and lavagirl in peace 

ninorange: you're not dealing with it though??

ninorange: ladybug is

marinate bread: you know what i mean

ladynoir stan #1: TIME TO GET ON OVER THERE

ninorange: alya it's freezing out

ninorange: literally

ninorange: and pitch black

ladynoir stan #1: ILL WEAR A COAT AND A HEADLAMP

ladynoir stan #1: i'd like to personally thank you all for keeping me awake so i didn't miss this fight

adrichou: thank god for sharkboy and lavagirl

ladynoir stan #1: i'd keep the movie going but i don't want to miss a second and ladybug and chat noir are more important than sharkboy and lavagirl

ninorange: you're so rude to them

ladynoir stan #1: ok well sharkboy and lavagirl don't actually exist 

ninorange: what about taylor lautner

ladynoir stan #1: i'm not listening to you anymore lalalala

ladynoir stan #1: IM AT THE SITE

ninorange: where is it

ladynoir stan #1: um

ladynoir stan #1: well

ninorange: alya where IS IT

ladynoir stan #1: its in pigalle

ladynoir stan #1: if that gives you a clue

ninorange: oh

ninorange: WHY ARE YOU IN PIGALLE

ladynoir stan #1: TO FILM THE FIGHT

ladynoir stan #1: i know ladybug said she's like 5000 or something but she LOOKS our age and she also looks extremely uncomfortable

ladynoir stan #1: the poor girl

ninorange: doesn't chat have a bdsm kink 

ninorange: how is he handling all this

ladynoir stan #1: believe it or not he also looks kind of weirded out by the whole area

ladynoir stan #1: jfc hasnt he been in the 18th arrondissement before 

ladynoir stan #1: apparently not

ladynoir stan #1: FSSDSHAHSHD HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT THE HANDCUFFS ARE FOR

ladynoir stan #1: HES ASKING LADYBUG ABOUT THESE ITEMS IM YELLING

ladynoir stan #1: HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT LINGERIE IS

ladynoir stan #1: i take it back he's not as sinful as i once thought

ladynoir stan #1: he's like as oblivious as adrien

ladynoir stan #1: he probably doesn't even know what a period is omg

ladynoir stan #1: this poor child

ladynoir stan #1: OH MY GOD LADYBUG IS EXPLAINING EVERYTHING AND HES JUST BLUSHING REALLY RED

ladynoir stan #1: THIS IS FAR BETTER THAN SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL

ladynoir stan #1: no offense taylor lautner

ninorange: where did marinette and adrien go

ninorange: they did this last time you livetexted an akuma fight too

ninorange: mari adri where are you

ladynoir stan #1: adri aww

ladynoir stan #1: i'm gonna start calling him adri

ninorange: don't you have a fight to be recording

ladynoir stan #1: i am a multitalented person

ladynoir stan #1: aight he used his cataclysm on a pair of panties she threw at him

ninorange: ladybug?

ladynoir stan #1: ASHGDSHHD NO

ladynoir stan #1: THE AKUMA

ladynoir stan #1: i should stop using pronouns and call em by name so this stops happening

ladynoir stan #1: imagine if ladybug's lucky charm were a pair of panties though 

ninorange: that sounds... interesting

ladynoir stan #1: it is too late at night for this

ladynoir stan #1: i guess this is what they mean by night life

ninorange: what's going on now

ladynoir stan #1: well

ladynoir stan #1: chat is hiding behind fantasy

ladynoir stan #1: you just used your cataclysm is this really the thing to be doing chat

ninorange: has he come out yet

ladynoir stan #1: yes and he looks absolutely mortified 

ladynoir stan #1: ok he and ladybug  
have decided that he'll go feed his ""kwami"" while she fends off the akuma 

adrichou: that sounds wild

ladynoir stan #1: ADRIEN YOURE BACK

ladynoir stan #1: WHERE WERE YOU 

ladynoir stan #1: wtf you've been typing for so long

adrichou: i was watching youtube while you stopped the sharkboy and lavagirl stream

adrichou: and now i go back to youtube goodbye friends

ladynoir stan #1: WAIT WHERES MARINETTE

ladynoir stan #1: WHY ARE YOU GOING NOW

ladynoir stan #1: I DEMAND ANSWERS

ninorange: too late he's gone offline again 

ladynoir stan #1: that boy i s2g

ladynoir stan #1: i feel like he's lying to us but why???? he's so pure

ladynoir stan #1: when he comes back from ""youtube"" im gonna tell him to change his name to that

ninorange: you haven't changed your name in so long good for you

ladynoir stan #1: oh shit you're right

ladynoir stan #1: i can't think of anything rn but rest assured i will change it soon

ninorange: what's going on now

ladynoir stan #1: ok chat is back but he still looks rly embarrassed by the whole ordeal

ladynoir stan #1: it ok chat 

ladynoir stan #1: it will all be over soon

ninorange: did ladybug use her lucky charm yet

ladynoir stan #1: no but she should've 

ladynoir stan #1: the things i do for the ladyblog i s2g

ninorange: what if it really were handcuffs this time

ladynoir stan #1: NINO IM GONNA PEE DONT DO THIS

ladynoir stan #1: THANK THE FUCKING LORD SHE FINALLY USED HER LUCKY CHARM

ladynoir stan #1: and it is... string

ninorange: string

ladynoir stan #1: string

ladynoir stan #1: there are several inappropriate jokes i could make here but i will refrain for adrien's sake if he chooses to read this

ninorange: good for you alya

ninorange: looking out for the cinnamon roll

ladynoir stan #1: so the akuma is in her corset but neither of them know how to get it without totally groping her so

ninorange: i feel so bad for chat this is getting awfully nsfw and he's like a kid

ladynoir stan #1: come on he's probably like our age

ninorange: you're missing the point

ladynoir stan #1: ok so now ladybug is... putting the string........ on.... the ground.....

ladynoir stan #1: what is she DOING

ladynoir stan #1: i mean i love ladybug with all my heart and soul but why,,

ninorange: maybe she's going to weave a tapestry or something 

ladynoir stan #1: of what

ninorange: idk chat's butt

ninorange: that's art right there

ladynoir stan #1: TRUE

ladynoir stan #1: OH it was a trap

ladynoir stan #1: the akuma has these six-inch heels 

ninorange: walked into the club like nobody's business

ladynoir stan #1: and she just tripped over the string

ladynoir stan #1: that too

ladynoir stan #1: chat destroyed her corset from behind good for him

ladynoir stan #1: he's so pure i would die for him

ladynoir stan #1: ladybug looks absolutely exhausted and chat is still blushing

ladynoir stan #1: what a cutie

ninorange: take photos

ladynoir stan #1: sure thing

ladynoir stan #1 has sent you a photo.

ninorange: my crops are replenished, my plants are watered, five years has been added onto my life

ladynoir stan #1: honestly same

 

ninorange: alya you've been gone for like 5 minutes what happened

ladynoir stan #1: i'm SHOOK

ladynoir stan #1: ladybug came up to me and she was like "aren't you cold??" n i was like "ye" and she just gave me a big ol hug

ladynoir stan #1: she smells rly nice did you know that

ladynoir stan #1: she smells like cookies and vanilla 

ladynoir stan #1: i'm gay

ladynoir stan #1: anyways i was rly warm after that

ladynoir stan #1: then she told me to wear lots n lots of layers and to get home before i got hypothermia so

ladynoir stan #1: definitely worth it to bike outside to pigalle at 3am for this

ladynoir stan #1 has changed their name to galya.

marinate bread: HI IM BACK

marinate bread: i fell asleep sry

galya: u need 2 get more sleep girl

marinate bread: what does galya mean

galya: gay + alya

galya: oh wait that would be gayla

galya has changed their name to gaydybug.

adrichou: gaydybug omg

adrichou: also i'm pretty sure chat noir knows what a period is

adrichou: he's afab trans

gaydybug: HE IS

gaydybug: HOW DIDNT I KNOW THIS

gaydybug: REALLY

gaydybug: listen adrien i believe you 100% but how is it that i didn't know this and you did

gaydybug: have you even met chat noir in person 

adrichou: Oh yeah

adrichou: I actually know him pretty well

gaydybug: i swear you're full of mysteries adrien

gaydybug: next thing i know you're gonna tell me that you've kissed ladybug

adrichou: ....

gaydybug: ADRIEN

ninorange: you seem so innocent but i'm surprised at how many things you haven't told us

gaydybug: mari did you know about chat noir being trans?

marinate bread: oh yeah!

marinate bread: i'm pretty sure he brought it up in an interview once

gaydybug: i'm shook

gaydybug: i don't know where you guys got that from though i literally know EVERYTHING abt them

marinate bread: not EVERYTHING

adrichou: you don't even know their names

gaydybug: ok true but A LOT OF THINGS

gaydybug: i thought you didn't like them mari

marinate bread: they're alright

adrichou: don't disrespect ladybug like that in front of me

gaydybug: tbh now i'm wondering if they've ever bitched about their periods to each other

gaydybug: relationship goals

marinate bread: oh they have

marinate bread: i swear they've said all this stuff before alya why don't you know this

gaydybug: IDK IM GOING CRAZY

gaydybug: i need a distraction 

gaydybug: ok so who wants to finish sharkboy and lavagirl

ninorange: i'm kind of invested in the story now so

ninorange: hmu

adrichou: ok let me ask a question 

adrichou: do you think me or alya loves ladybug more

gaydybug: ME

gaydybug: you've had all of 0 ladybug-themed screen names mr agreste

gaydybug: i've had 3

gaydybug: 3!!!!

adrichou: well do you write ladynoir fanfiction

gaydybug: no??????

gaydybug: do you????????

adrichou: possibly 

gaydybug: noah fence but you can't truly love ladybug until she's hugged you

gaydybug: and i thought i liked ladybug before hoooooooo boy

gaydybug: I SWOON I SIGH WHY DENY IT OH-OH

ninorange: i don't even care that you're choosing ladybug over me bc same

gaydybug: listne nino i lov u with all my heart but you simply cannot compare to ladybug

gaydybug: anyways the stream is back up and right now they're on planet drool

marinate bread: SPOILERS ALYA HOYL HECK

gaydybug: lavagirl is ladybug tbh

gaydybug: sharkboy is chat noir

marinate bread: ok but who are you and nino

marinate bread: if me and adrien are linus and max

gaydybug: hm maybe i'm max actually

marinate bread: THEN WHO AM I

gaydybug: whoever you want to be

marinate bread: maybe i'm tobor

gaydybug: or mr electric

marinate bread: are you suggesting i'm adrien's dad

ninorange: i think that's our cue to go to bed

gaydybug: WHAT ABOUT DROOL

gaydybug: WHAT ABOUT THE LAND OF MILK AND COOKIES

gaydybug: oh it's lavagirl's angsty scene

gaydybug: this sounds like something chat noir would say tbh

gaydybug: abt everything they touch being destroyed or whatever

marinate bread: alya pls go to bed

gaydybug: THE MOVIES NOT OVER

adrichou: it's 4 am i think i'm going to bed too

gaydybug: STOP LEAVING ME ALONE HERE

adrichou: i'm rly tired sorry ;-;

marinate bread: me 2 tbh

ninorange: same

gaydybug: NO STOP

gaydybug: FINE when you wake up i'll give you all the spoilers you could ever imagine

gaydybug: take that

gaydybug: goodnight nerds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have art for this that i'll put in someday


	3. cryptid squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug is El Chupabraca and Alya is in a polyamorous relationship with everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends i'm back did you miss me
> 
> there will probably be 1 chapter after this tbh... this was going to be a one-time thing but i got too attached so i'm cUtTinG IT OFF NOW SO I CAN WORK ON OTHER STUFF
> 
> btw some dumb sidenotes: mcdo = mcdonald's in france, 10ème refers to the tenth arrondissement, and troisième refers to basically 9th grade for americans

11:52 am

gaydybug: hey do you think i could ask ladybug out on a date

ninorange: you're dating ME though

gaydybug: i literally can't get her off my mind 

gaydybug: like i'm sorry but i haven't thought of anything else besides her the entire morning

marinate bread: gay

marinate bread: you know what you could do

gaydybug: what

marinate bread: polyamorous relationship

gaydybug: SHIT I KNEW THIS WAS WHY I MARRIED YOU

gaydybug: our marriage consists of nino, ladybug, you, me, chat noir, and adrien 

adrichou: Why am I last

gaydybug: oh shit i didn't think you'd be here

adrichou: I'm offended

gaydybug: you capitalize your texts you deserve it

ninorange: ok so since we've had 2 conversations in which mentioning them caused an akuma

ninorange: do you think it'll happen this time

gaydybug: i hope so

gaydybug: then i can ask out ladybug

gaydybug: heck i'll cause an akuma myself

gaydybug: HEY CHAT NOIR I LIKE LADYBUG MORE THAN YOU AND ALSO

gaydybug: ehh that's probably good enough tbh

ninorange: poor chat

ninorange: i can't believe you're using him like this

marinate bread: alya is so manipulative tbh

marinate bread: the pottermore test said she was a gryffindor but i swear she's a slytherin

ninorange: hey i'm a gryffindor

adrichou: i'm a hufflepuff

marinate bread: i'm a slytherin too

gaydybug: no ravenclaws GOOD

gaydybug: we don't need their intellectual asses in here

adrichou: Ladybug seems like a ravenclaw tbh

gaydybug: I DIDNT MEAN IT LADYBUG

marinate bread: nope she's a slytherin

adrichou: she is????

marinate bread: yep

ninorange: mari are you just projecting onto ladybug

marinate bread: NO omg

marinate bread: alya if you ask her what house she's in while you're asking her out she'll say slytherin

gaydybug: is that a bet

marinate bread: sure

marinate bread: 10 euros

gaydybug: YOURE ON

ninorange: you all owe me 5 euros btw

adrichou: what is it this time

ninorange: akuma just showed up i heard it

gaydybug: WHERE

gaydybug: GIMME COORDINATES DAMMIT NINO

ninorange: ?????

ninorange: 10éme, rue de la fayette and louis blanc if that helps

gaydybug: THANKS I'D DIE FOR YOU

adrichou: my dad's yelling at me about something i'll be back later

marinate bread: me too

marinate bread: i mean my dad isn't yelling at me

marinate bread: but i gotta frost cupcakes so i will also be back later

ninorange: why do you guys always miss the akuma fights

gaydybug: maybe they're secretly sneaking out to watch them

ninorange: ah yes, i can picture it now: adrien sneaking out at 3am to go to PIGALLE

gaydybug: ...ok good point

gaydybug: I HAVE REACHED THE DESTINATION

gaydybug: this akuma looks like a really ugly sea anemone 

ninorange: be nice to her

gaydybug: gaah i'm IMPATIENT

gaydybug: on the one hand i want to buy ladybug some flowers before i ask her

gaydybug: ladybugs love flowers

gaydybug: but on the other this fight has to go on the blog 

gaydybug: i didn't choose the blog life the blog life chose me

ninorange: put the camera somewhere where it'll keep recording for you and buy flowers in the meantime

gaydybug: NINO YOURE A GENIUS <333

ninorange: i know

gaydybug: you should come with me to film these

gaydybug: be my partner in crime

ninorange: what crimes are we committing 

gaydybug: theft

gaydybug: i'm bouta STEAL LADYBUG'S HEART

ninorange: gay

gaydybug: sea anemone girl is hanging out in the seine

ninorange: the seine isn't anywhere NEAR the 10th arrondissement????

gaydybug: she's fast

ninorange: are you still recording this or are you buying flowers now

gaydybug: I CANT BUY FLOWERS :((((

gaydybug: this fight is all over the place i can't put the camera anywhere or i'll lose track of them

gaydybug: the fight moved over an entire arrondissement i don't have time to buy em

ninorange: pull em from the sidewalk or something

gaydybug: ...... don't tempt me like this

gaydybug: nino what will ladybug think of me if i bring her subpar flowers

ninorange: idk she probably won't mind

gaydybug: ok so ladybug's now in the seine

gaydybug: that's uh. Not Sanitary

ninorange: is she getting sea anemone girl

gaydybug: chat summoned his cataclysm and is waiting for her outside

gaydybug: idk what their plan is

gaydybug: does ladybug have gills or something

gaydybug: i timed it she's been gone for 53 seconds 

ninorange: ladybug has been found dead in the seine

gaydybug: IS SHE OKAY

ninorange: she's alright but she died

gaydybug: OH SHE'S BACK

gaydybug: chat is still waiting to use his cataclysm

gaydybug: she used her lucky charm and it is...

gaydybug: some kind of metal

gaydybug: OH ITS FRANCIUM SHE CALLED IT FRANCIUM

gaydybug: remember we were learning about that in class nino

gaydybug: it's the most reactive alkali metal did you know that

ninorange: yes

ninorange: what s she gonna react it with

gaydybug: she threw it in the seine

gaydybug: so water apparently

gaydybug: it's on fire

gaydybug: ok the entire seine exploded

gaydybug: rip all the boats

ninorange: what's the balanced equation for that

gaydybug: WHY DO YOU CARE

ninorange: knowing mme mendeliev it'll probably be on the test

ninorange: she loves lb&cn

gaydybug: DOES SHE REALLY

gaydybug: by the way it's 2Fr + 2H2O = 2FrOH + H2

ninorange: i'm writing that down somewhere

gaydybug: lucky charm: summoned  
francium: received  
seine: exploded

gaydybug: SEA ANEMONE GIRL IS FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE SEINE 

ninorange: amazing

ninorange: so are you gonna ask out ladybug

gaydybug: SHIT FUCK IM NERVOUS

ninorange: just tell her her butt is cute

gaydybug: shut the up

gaydybug: that's like sexual harassment 

ninorange: ok true

ninorange: good luck

gaydybug: SHIT WHAT DO I DO

ninorange: be yourself

gaydybug: what kind of bs advice is that 

gaydybug: i'm stressing myself out tbh bbl

ninorange: have fun

 

gaydybug: I ASKED HER OUT AND SHE SAID YES

gaydybug: BUT CHAT NOIR LOOKED REALLY SAD SO I ASKED LADYBUG IF HE WANTED TO COME ALONG TOO AS A TRIPLE-DATE

gaydybug: AND I DONT WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE A THIRD WHEEL SO

gaydybug: NINO YOU GOTTA PULL THROUGH

gaydybug: COME ON A QUADRUPLE DATE WITH US

ninorange: sure thingo

ninorange: what should i bring

gaydybug: urself and puns

ninorange: will do

ninorange: where are you guys

gaydybug: lb&cn are feeding their ""kwamis"" and i'm waiting outside the café

ninorange: THERES LIKE 100000 CAFÉS IN PARIS WHICH ONE

gaydybug: there's actually 45,000

ninorange: listen i love cafes but why are there so many

ninorange: mcdo??????? exists?????????

gaydybug: fuck off starbucks is where it's at

gaydybug: i'd die without starbucks

ninorange: BUT CAN YOU GET FRIES AT STARBUCKS

gaydybug: IM RECONSIDERING MY INVITATION

gaydybug: JUST GET OVER HERE IT'S NEAR WHERE YOU TOLD ME THE AKUMA IS YOU CANT MISS US

ninorange: OK IM COMING

 

3:23 pm

marinate bread: i just read through the entire chat

marinate bread: how was your quadruple date

gaydybug: magical

gaydybug: i'm gay

marinate bread: ok same

gaydybug: god i wish you were there marinette

gaydybug: u would've loved those macarons and i'm pretty sure chat wanted you there

gaydybug: he kept asking abt you

marinate bread: what a charmer

adrichou: I legit took a 3 hr nap in the middle of the day

adrichou: and nathalie asks why i'm tired,,

gaydybug: hey

gaydybug: hey adrien 

gaydybug: afab trans??? more like a FAB trans 

adrichou: (ﾉ∀`♥)

gaydybug: i literally waited for 3 hours for you to get back online to tell this pun to you

adrichou: I'm blessed 

adrichou: you should tell that one to chat noir i bet he'd like it

gaydybug: OH SHIT GOOD IDEA

marinate bread: alya

gaydybug: yes 

marinate bread: alya did u ask ladybug

marinate bread: abt her hogwarts house 

gaydybug: .....yes

marinate bread: and?

gaydybug: .................she's slytherin

gaydybug: when i see you on monday i'll give u ur dumb money

marinate bread: my longest yeah boy ever

adrichou: is there seriously not a single ravenclaw in our entire friend group

gaydybug: the way you phrased that implies that ladybug is a part of our friend group

adrichou: is she not

gaydybug: we've literally only met up this one time

gaydybug: and you two weren't even there

ninorange: tbh i wonder if ladybug can be added to this group chat

gaydybug: i got her number but it only works when she's in costume

gaydybug: cause it's linked to her yo-yo

adrichou: ok but where does her yo-yo go when she's not transformed

marinate bread: more like where does it go-go

adrichou: marry me

marinate bread: ok

gaydybug: omg get a room

marinate bread: but if you want an actual answer i'm pretty sure this video will explain it

marinate bread: https://youtu.be/zFCl-g_P9v8

gaydybug: this did not help at all

marinate bread: really????

marinate bread: huh maybe this will help

marinate bread: https://youtu.be/RVvSGBsRfgI

adrichou: Marinette buy another ring

adrichou: We're getting married again

ninorange: i always figured that adrien would be the memelord but

ninorange: huh

ninorange: marinette

adrichou has changed their name to memelord.

memelord: well if you doubt my abilities

memelord: I have plenty of memes to go around

memelord: https://youtu.be/hN1cJDJXncg

memelord: https://youtu.be/VjIN_DUOAlM

memelord: https://youtu.be/NyKVXmKEsIc

ninorange: adrien just bc i said you're a memelord it doesn't mean you have to prove it 

marinate bread: did i just get rickrolled

memelord: no you got dootrolled

memelord: or rickdooted

memelord: have you seen the take on me version

memelord: it's called doot on me

marinate bread: youtubes gonna start recommending me these videos isn't it

marinate bread: adrien i want a divorce

memelord: 3

memelord: that's ok we're double married

memelord: so you'll have to double divorce me to be free

marinate bread: idk why i was complaining tbh

marinate bread: youtube already is recommending me these things

memelord: my recommended videos are let it grow memes, those food beauty trends, and the ladynoir interviews they do sometimes

gaydybug: food.... beauty trends????

memelord: ye

memelord: i was trying to figure out how to do good eyeliner and i looked it up

memelord: next thing you know i'm watching people apply cheeto dust as bronzer

gaydybug: my recommended videos are the moana soundtrack and ladynoir conspiracy theories

memelord: ladynoir conspiracy theories?????

gaydybug: haven't you seen them??

gaydybug: there's one that's like "IS LADYBUG SECRETLY MOTHMAN???? "

memelord: ddjahsjs

memelord: so is ladybug mothman

gaydybug: yep and chat noir is the loch ness monster

ninorange: it makes more sense for hawkmoth to be mothman tbh

marinate bread: ladybug is chupacabra

memelord: cryptid squad

memelord: i'm the kraken

gaydybug: i'm the mongolian death worm

marinate bread: i'm the reptilians

marinate bread: snake people, or sneople,

marinate bread has changed their name to snake person.

ninorange: i'm bigfoot

gaydybug: LAME

gaydybug: at least choose something cool like thunderbird

gaydybug: or the yeti

gaydybug: heck even jackalopes are cooler than BIGFOOT

gaydybug: your feet aren't even that big

ninorange: that's besides the point

ninorange has changed their name to yeti.

yeti: happy?

gaydybug: yes

gaydybug: i can't believe i'm in a polyamorous relationship with el chupabraca, the loch ness monster, and a yeti

snake person: bitch what am i?????? a roach????????

gaydybug: alright yes and the reptilians

memelord: alya will you link me to these videos

gaydybug: fuxk dude there are too many to count

memelord: give me some highlights 

memelord: i'll look em up

gaydybug: one of my personal favorites is "DID CHAT NOIR AND LADYBUG GET ENGAGED IN VEGAS???"

memelord: they're.... in troisième.....

gaydybug: THEY'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO VEGAS THEY'RE PARISIAN

gaydybug: WAIT THEY'RE IN TROISIÈME

gaydybug: BUT WE'RE IN TROISIÈME

yeti: so they're 14-15?????

yeti: i thought ladybug was 5000 or whatever

gaydybug: i mean you have to admit she looks rly good for 5000

yeti: you can't even see her face under that mask

gaydybug: did i ASK

snake person: The Rumor Come Out: Does Ladybug Is 14?

memelord: alya what other videos did you find under that strain

gaydybug: hmm

gaydybug: well my most recently liked video is "Ladybug is a NEO-NAZI???????"

snake person: WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THAT

gaydybug: it wasn't actually a conspiracy theory video it was just darude sandstorm played by different tones of shrek kicking open the door in the beginning of all star

yeti: what did i just read

gaydybug: "Did Ladybug Used To Work For BUZZFEED??"

snake person: gASP

snake person: don't insult ladybug like this

memelord: what's wrong with buzzfeed

gaydybug: what ISNT wrong with buzzfeed tbh

yeti: ok true

gaydybug: "CHAT NOIR IS LADYBUG FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE??? [READ DESCRIPTION]"

memelord: what does the description say

gaydybug: the years start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming

memelord: perfect

snake person: my recommendations are like

snake person: all over the place

snake person: its like a mixture of pinterest-y diy stuff and chill music

snake person: cause i need that 2 draw

gaydybug: well it's about to be filled with 50% more conspiracy videos

snake person: also baking videos

snake person: i live for baking videos

snake person: alya you underestimate the number of baking videos i watch

gaydybug: GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND

gaydybug has sent you a link.

memelord: "is hawkmoth chat noir from the future"???????

memelord: are you suggesting that hawkmoth used to dress up in skintight leather

yeti: please for the love of god don't put that image in my head

gaydybug: im this close to removing you from the chat

memelord: I can do that myself thank you very much 

memelord has left the chat.

gaydybug: OH NO YOU DONT

gaydybug has added memelord to the chat.

memelord: I thought you wanted me out of here

gaydybug: that was a JOKE adrien 

gaydybug: i'm lov u

memelord: I love you too

snake person: what's this straight bs

gaydybug: ok adrien may be extremely physically attractive but the thought of being romantically involved with him makes me incredibly uncomfortable 

gaydybug: HES LIKE MY SON

memelord: i don't know how to respond to that

yeti: i thought you guys were all going out with me and adrien and ladybug and chat or whatever 

gaydybug: i mean one on one

memelord: thanks for calling me attractive i guess???

gaydybug: anytime babe

yeti: adrien you're literally a model

yeti: you are objectively extremely hot

yeti: it's basically your job

memelord: hey it's hard work being hot 

snake person: HOT GIRLS WE HAVE PROBLEMS TOO

snake person: WERE JUST LIKE YOU

snake person: EXCEPT WERE HOT

memelord: is that a reference of some kind??

snake person: https://youtu.be/rQHx_GPKccY

gaydybug: marinette im this close to removing you from the chat

snake person: this feels familiar

memelord: come on marinette lets form our own group chat

yeti: that's not a group chat

memelord: it is if we really want it to be

snake person: i'm a gemini boom

snake person: now we have three people

snake person: group chat is a go

memelord: you're a gemini???

snake person: MY SCREEN NAME IS LITERALLY SNAKE PERSON

memelord: i'm a virgo

gaydybug: i'm pisces

yeti: why are we sharing zodiac signs

gaydybug: i am SUCH a slut for astrology

yeti: i'm aries

gaydybug: of course you are

yeti: what is THAT supposed to mean

 

7:16 pm

 

yeti: it's been several hours and i still haven't gotten an answer 

 

10:29 pm

 

memelord: marinette can i come over to study for physics

snake person: https://youtu.be/UC9Js3RWrlk

snake person: FCUK WRONG LINK

yeti: i am concerned

gaydybug: pls nanalan is AMATEUR children's broadcasting shitposting

snake person: name a better show than nanalan

memelord: I like Avatar

gaydybug: lazytown??????

gaydybug: TELEFRANCAIS???

snake person: GOD TELEFRANCAIS

memelord: what are these shows

yeti: why do you know about telefrancais

gaydybug: the better question is why do YOU

yeti: memes

gaydybug: aah of course

memelord: what's telefrancais??

gaydybug: https://youtu.be/rBSflK1FTSY

memelord: that is genuinely horrifying

yeti: TU ES UN ANANAS

gaydybug: OUI C'EST VRAI JE SUIS UN ANANAS

yeti: MAIS TU PARLES

yeti: CE N'EST PAS POSSIBLE

gaydybug: OUI C'EST POSSIBLE

yeti: NON CE N'EST PAS POSSIBLE

gaydybug: OUI C'EST POSSIBLE

yeti: NON

memelord: i feel like we're going in circles here

gaydybug: POURQUOI PAS

yeti: PARCE QUE LES ANANAS NE PARLENT PAS

gaydybug: LES ANANAS NE PARLENT PAS ??

snake person: this is like the m&ms commercial

gaydybug: HE DOES EXIST

yeti: THEY DO EXIST

memelord: why is this pineapple so terrifying 

memelord: oh it's the theme song

gaydybug: C'EST FORMIDABLE

yeti: EXCEPTIONNEL

gaydybug: C'EST EXCELLENT

yeti: SENSATIONNEL

gaydybug: C'EST MERVIELLEUX

yeti: C'EST MAGNIFIQUE

memelord: it isn't THAT good

memelord: isn't this canadian... why do you know about it

snake person: canadian kids shows are always the weirdest

snake person: doodlebops, nanalan, caillou

yeti: animorphs

yeti: franklin

gaydybug: you leave franklin out of this

gaydybug: franklin was GREAT

yeti: people keep telling i look like franklin

yeti: i'm taking it as a compliment thus far but idk

memelord: wasn't that the one with the turtle

gaydybug: adrien what did you watch as a child

memelord: pbs documentaries 

memelord: national geographic

memelord: that kind of thing

memelord: i grew up on Morgan Freeman's voice and excessive replays of March of the Penguins

snake person: no... cartoons?

memelord: Nope

gaydybug: you poor child

gaydybug: we're watching all of steven universe, n Ow

memelord: but i more than made up for it in the following years 

memelord: i've already watched the whole thing five times

memelord: and all of avatar seven

memelord: and sailor moon six

memelord: and yuri on ice twice

gaydybug: that's a lot of cartoons

memelord: i have a lot of free time

memelord: or i had a lot of free time

yeti: why don't you anymore 

memelord: public school

memelord: homework

snake person: rip in peace

snake person: there's too much hw tbh

snake person: i am a BUSY PERSON dammit

gaydybug: what do you even do all day

gaydybug: you don't rly invite me over 

gaydybug: and you never come w me to film fights

snake person: to be fair 

snake person: the last time i DID invite you over

snake person: you told me you were busy editing all star onto a clip of me kicking an akuma off a roof

gaydybug: marinette you've never kicked an akuma off a roof

snake person: LADYBUG*

snake person: LADYBUG* LADYBUG* LADYBUG*

gaydybug: might u perhaps

gaydybug: be a certain superhero in disguise? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

snake person: NO

snake person: THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT

gaydybug: ah, yes, your phone decided "ladybug" looks something like "me," as one does,

yeti: to her credit

yeti: autocorrect is WEIRD

memelord: when i typed "nope" it changed to "ankle" at first

memelord: knowing iPhone i wouldn't be surprised

yeti: this is why android is superior 

gaydybug: shh no one asked

gaydybug: although i just want to mention that we've never seen marinette and ladybug in the same room

snake person: similarly we've never seen adrien and hawkmoth in the same room

snake person: so that's an equally viable option

gaydybug: BUT EVERY TIME AN AKUMA SHOWS UP YOU'RE GONE

gaydybug: PLUS YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT HER

snake person: um??? i pay attention??

snake person: plus it's mostly just timing

snake person: why do you think i'm ladybug

memelord: you do kind of look like her

snake person: she wears a MASK

snake person: she's 5000

gaydybug: adrien said she's in troisième

gaydybug: and you are too

yeti: i can't believe marinette is el chupabraca

gaydybug: marinette you haven't responded in 10 minutes

gaydybug: you do know i'm joking right

snake person: mhm yup

snake person: yes i knew that

gaydybug: oh my god

gaydybug: you're a NERD

memelord: what else is new

snake person: adrien i want another divorce

memelord: ;-;

 

11:11 pm

 

snake person: it is now 11:11 so i'm going to make a wish

snake person: that he will say yes

memelord: who's he

gaydybug: BOI SHE BOUTA DO IT

yeti: omg marinette who's he

memelord: what's happening

memelord: you've been typing for ages

snake person: adrien

memelord: yes?

snake person: will you

snake person: give me the answers to the physics homework

gaydybug: I HATE YOUR GUTS MARINETTE

memelord: sure

memelord: and why do you hate her??

gaydybug: she keeps ACTING like she's going to ask you out but she hASNT DONE IT YET SHE KEEPS TEASING

gaydybug: the romantic tension is thrU the ROOF

snake person: i'm not going to do it unless it's in person 

snake person: pls alya

memelord: You do know i'm right here right

memelord: do you still want the physics answers

snake person: yes pls

gaydybug: rude why can't I have them

memelord: bc marinette's going to ask me out tomorrow and i should return the favor ahead of time

snake person: you're so smooth i'm going to die

snake person: what if i don't ask you out tomorrow and you give me the physics answers for nothing

memelord: I guess I'll have to do it for you

snake person: FHSHSSASHSFD

gaydybug: marinette you married a frickin pick-up line master

gaydybug: this kid is almost better than chat noir i swear

memelord: :3

gaydybug: aaaaand you ruined it

gaydybug: way to go adrien

snake person: Do Not Make Three-Mouth At Me

memelord: :(

yeti: this chat is just adrien and marinette flirting with each other

memelord: and alya livetexting akuma fights

gaydybug: and memes

snake person: can't forget the memes

memelord: that reminds me

gaydybug: i'm gonna stop you right there

snake person: i refuse to turn my notifications off so you guys gotta go to bed

snake person: thanks for the physics answers adrien

snake person: id die for you

memelord: no problem !!

memelord: goodnight marinette <3

gaydybug: GOODNIGHT NERDS

yeti: goodnight

 

8:24 am

 

gaydybug: today will go down in history as the day marinette asked adrien out

gaydybug: or adrien asked mari out

gaydybug: whichever comes first 

 

12:49 pm

 

yeti: I WAS RIGHT

yeti: MME MENDELIEV PUT THAT QUESTION ON THE CHEM QUIZ

gaydybug: what question

yeti: 2Fr + 2H2O = 2FrOH + H2

gaydybug: RIGHT THAT

gaydybug: you're welcome by the way 

yeti: YOURE WELCOME

yeti: FOR THE TIDES THE SUN THE SKY

gaydybug: HEY ITS OK ITS OK YOURE WELCOME

yeti: IM JUST AN ORDINARY DEMI-GUY

gaydybug: god moana is such a good movie

gaydybug: i'd die for auli'i cravalho

snake person: same tbh

gaydybug: MARINATE

gaydybug: marinette*

gaydybug: DID YOU ASK HIM

snake person: he asked me

gaydybug: did you say yes

memelord: i can't believe i had to do that for you

memelord: you're a mess marinette

snake person: *finger guns*

snake person: marinette more like MESSinette

snake person: thanks for doing that though

memelord: no problem <3

gaydybug: take it outside oh my god

gaydybug: ever heard of a pm??

memelord: it's LOVE alya

gaydybug: it's not

gaydybug: love is the relationship b/w ladybug and chat noir

gaydybug: or me and sleep

gaydybug: or me and ladybug

memelord: those are all very relatable

snake person: hey adrien remember when you said you kissed ladybug

memelord: i never said that???

yeti: you said it indirectly

memelord: where are the receipts 

yeti: ""gaydybug: next thing i know you're gonna tell me that you've kissed ladybug

adrichou: ....""

memelord: that ellipse doesn't mean anything

memelord: it could be interpreted in any number of ways

memelord: why did you bring that up mari?

snake person: no reason ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

snake person: but did you really

memelord: I'm not cheating on you with ladybug if that's what you're asking

snake person: sdhshs

snake person: NO THATS NOT WHY I ASKED

snake person: even if you were i'd forgive you immediately anyways

gaydybug: TAKE NOTES NINO

yeti: notes: taken  
ladybug: kissed  
alya: also kissing ladybug

yeti: I WILLINGLY AND CONSENSUALLY ENTER THE POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

gaydybug: :')

gaydybug: you've learned so well

snake person: i asked out of curiosity

snake person: come on adrien we're dating now 

snake person: spill the Tea ™ 

memelord: aaaaaa

memelord: i feel like you'll hate me either way

gaydybug: are we seriously considering that adrien has kissed ladybug

memelord: for all you know i have

yeti: dear god adrien

yeti: what kinds of things are you keeping from us

memelord: not much

memelord: i mean i've been convicted for 17 murders but other than that 

gaydybug: FHDHS ADRIEN

memelord: OKAY FINE IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH

memelord: yes

gaydybug: IM JEALOUS

memelord: but she doesn't remember it

snake person: wait really

snake person: why doesn't she remember it

yeti: adrien did you kiss ladybug in her sleep or something

yeti: that's weird bro

memelord: NO

memelord: it was actually because she

memelord: you know what let me rephrase 

memelord: she's kissed me but she didn't know it was me she was kissing

yeti: that clears up absolutely nothing

memelord: the rest is classified

gaydybug: how is such a dork simultaneously so mysterious and so smooth

memelord: maybe it's maybelline

snake person: i'm dating a fuckign anime character 

memelord: how so

snake person: suave, attractive, tragic backstory, a dork, kinda secretive

memelord: excuse me what tragic backstory do i have

yeti: your mom left your family and your dads a dick

memelord: NINO MY DAD READS THROUGH MY TEXTS

yeti: case in point

memelord: so am i the token blond love interest

snake person: and attractive don't forget attractive 

gaydybug: *banging fists on table* USE PRIVATE MESSAGING USE PRIVATE MESSAGING USE PRIVATE MESSAGING

yeti: marinette's the protagonist

snake person: boku no marinette

memelord: boku is masculine

memelord: it'd be watashi wa marinette

memelord: oh wait if it's from my point of view then it is boku no marinette

memelord: "my marinette"

yeti: why do you know this

memelord: you would not believe the number of anime chat forums i've read about this topic

snake person: so adrien is the love interest, i'm the protagonist

snake person: alya's that one character that keeps trying to get us together

snake person: nino is adrien's best friend and also bad advice fountain 

yeti: what did i ever do to you

gaydybug: who are ladybug and chat noir then

snake person: ladybug is the other secret love interest introduced in the third season

snake person: creating thousands of ship wars

snake person: and chat noir is her other love interest who gets in the way of everything 

yeti: do you ship yourself with ladybug or something????

snake person: no i ship myself with adrien

memelord: that's canon marinette

snake person: i also ship myself with emotional stability and lots of support

gaydybug: honestly? same

yeti: fcuk it's almost class again

yeti: see you guys soon

 

4:19 pm

 

gaydybug: i;m thinking about thos Beans

gaydybug: FUCK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO NINO

gaydybug: IM SORRY EVERYBODY

memelord: ayy its 4:20

memelord: you know what that means

yeti: no what does it mean

memelord: judging by the crashes outside, an akuma attack

snake person: dear lord no

snake person: alya when you capture it be sure to ask ladybug and chat if they're dating

gaydybug: no that's RUDE

gaydybug: i stick to making amvs and overanalyzing everything thank you very much

snake person: i'm not sure if you can make an amv about a real person

gaydybug: shhh

gaydybug: why do you want me to ask them though 

snake person: no reason

gaydybug: .... aight

gaydybug: I SHALL RETURN ANON

gaydybug: bye guys

memelord: bye alya!!

snake person: bye babe

yeti: bye babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha lmao i am a very serious author amirite
> 
> (all of those youtube links work btw)


	4. puns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrinette is canon and Alya is yelling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i left this on a cliffhanger so maybe i will write another chapter but rn that's not the plan ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ so idk

4:42 pm

gaydybug: well marinette 

gaydybug: i asked ladybug and chat if they were dating

gaydybug: they said no

gaydybug: and also ladybug is dating someone else

gaydybug: and chat said "oh that's weird !! i'm dating someone now too"

gaydybug: and they just kind of

gaydybug: looked at each other

gaydybug: and they just fucjign BOLTED and hid somewhere

gaydybug: maybe they revealed themselves to each other then??????

yeti: hoyl shit

yeti: isn't that breaking some kind of ancient law or something

gaydybug: IDK IS IT

yeti: I DONT KNOW DUDE

yeti: WHY DID THEY DO THAT

yeti: AND WHERE ARE ADRIEN AND MARINETTE

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 5:03 pm

 

memelord: First things first

memelord: i'm not into bdsm i promise

snake person: IM NOT IMAGINING THINGS?????

snake person: OH GOD

snake person: IVE BEEN TSLKIMG TO CHAT NOIR THE WHOLE TIME

snake person: DW I NEVER THIUGHT YOU WERE INTO BDSM

snake person: OR A FURRY

snake person: IM FREAKING OUT

memelord: Please marinette

memelord: we can still be friends right

snake person: GOD I HOPE SO

snake person: I THOUGHT YOUD HATE ME

snake person: FOR LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING

memelord: what did you lie about?

snake person: I JUSF TOLD YOU 

snake person: SVERYTHING

snake person: I SAID REPEATDELY THAT I WAS NT LADYBUG

memelord: Oh marinette

memelord: You had to do that

memelord: It was a matter of safety

snake person: WHAT DO I DO NOW

snake person: IM NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO LOOK YOU IN THE EYES THE SAME WAY EVER AGAIN

memelord: look at other parts of me then ;)

snake person: THATS NOT HELPING

memelord: I'm sorry, i'm sorry

memelord: I honestly just don't know how to handle this

memelord: Are you sure you still want to be friends?

snake person: I HAVE THE BIGGEST FUCKING CRUSH ON YOU OF COURSE I DO

memelord: Cause i understand if

memelord: oh

memelord: i keep forgetting about that

snake person: I CAN TELL

snake person: YOURE LITERALLY JUDG SO FUCKING COOL AND YOIRE BOTH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND MY BEST FRIEND AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT

snake person: IVE SPENT SO LONG TRYING TK CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU TWO AND BALANCE MY FEELINGS FOR YOU

snake person: ON THE ONE HAND IM CONFUSED AS ALL HELL

snake person: BUT ON THE OTHER IM JUST SO FCKING RELIEVED

snake person: THAT YOURE THE SAME PERSON I MEAN

memelord: With all due respect, i am basically an antonym for cool

memelord: You've called me a dork and a nerd on multiple occasions

memelord: with complete accuracy 

memelord: like i get what you're saying and i want to help you out but i have no idea how

snake person: YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHINN

snake person: IVE BOTHEEDD YOU ENOIHJ AS IS

memelord: marinette you're my girlfriend why would you be bothering me

snake person: I THOUGHT YOU JUST ASKED ME OUT BC YOU FELT SORRY FOR ME

snake person: I COUKDN T EVEN ASK YOU OUT MY DAMN SELF

memelord: i asked you out bc i WANTED to

memelord: ... you haven't responded for a few minutes are you ok

snake person: YEAH IM FINE IM JUST DEAD

snake person: MARINETTE HAS BEEN FOUND DEAD IN PARIS

memelord: Is she okay????

snake person: SHES ALRIGHT BUT SHE DIED

memelord: well it's good to see you still have your sense of humor

snake person: DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER

snake person: I MEAN I JUST FEEL LIKE J WAS TOO SCARED OF MESSING THINGS UP IN PERSON AF FIRST

snake person: BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE THERES TOO MICH DISTANCE BETWEEN US AND STILL ALMOSF NOTHING IS FIGUFED OIT

memelord: of course ill come over

memelord: do you want me to bring you anything

snake person: YOURSLEF

memelord: done

memelord: i'm on the balcony will you let me in

snake person: HOYL FJCK THAT WAS FAST

memelord: well, you know

memelord: i kind of have a tiny god that gives me superpowers

memelord: so that improves mobility

snake person: YOURE SUCH A NERD OH MY GKD

 

fruit squad, 5:37 pm

 

snake person: hi hello i'm here

memelord: me too

gaydybug: FUCKING FUCK WHERE WERE YOU GUYS

snake person: it's... a long story

gaydybug: i'm patient

yeti: alya you have like .013 ounces of patience in you

gaydybug: shhh nino i wanna hear abt the drama

snake person: there was no drama

gaydybug: excuse you

gaydybug: i'm pretty sure chat and ladybug revealed to each other??

yeti: that's not exactly drama though

gaydybug: ITS GOOD ENOUGH TO GO ON MY BLOG

gaydybug: i wonder if i can interview them about that

gaydybug: like i won't ask who they are ofc but

gaydybug: i wonder how they feel about the whole thing 

memelord: you know what 

memelord: i can probably set that up for you

gaydybug: CAN YOU REALLY

memelord: i happen to be rather well acquainted with ladybug

yeti: ah yes, you've kissed her after all

memelord: that i have

memelord: she's near marinette's house w chat should i tell her to meet you there

gaydybug: PLS DO

gaydybug: I LOVE YOU ADRIEN

memelord: I love you too

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 5:42 pm

 

snake person: THIS IS A BAD IDEA

memelord: why are you texting me i'm right next to you

snake person: ITS THE ONLY WAY I CAN YELL WITHOUT MY PRENTS GETTINF SUSPICIOUS

memelord: speaking of your parents 

memelord: you should probably tell them that ladybug and chat will be here so they don't have a heart attack

snake person: GOOD IDEA

snake person: BRB

 

fruit squad, 6:18 pm

 

gaydybug: god they're so cute

gaydybug: this is definitely the best interview i've ever done

gaydybug: they were acting surprisingly coupley considering they both r in a relationship 

gaydybug: btw marinette where were you during that

snake person: i was biking around the neighborhood

snake person: didn't want to cramp ur style w the superheroes

gaydybug: why where they at your house though

memelord: Idk if you know this but chat noir rly likes pastries

gaydybug: OHHH

gaydybug: ok cool

gaydybug: anyways i'm shook

yeti: what did we do to deserve chat and ladybug

gaydybug: i don't KNOW

gaydybug: i'm so in love

gaydybug: i haven't heard from marinette in a while

gaydybug: marinette are you ok

snake person: uh

snake person: kind of

gaydybug: and what is THAT supposed to mean

snake person: well for one i'm dying

yeti: we all are

 

PM between snake person and memelord: 6:23 pm

 

snake person: THANKS FOR COMING OVER

memelord: no problem

memelord: is there anything you want to talk about??

snake person: idk???

snake person: on the one hand yes and on the other idk what

memelord: i feel that

snake person: wait you're a hufflepuff right

memelord: yep

snake person: so.... chat noir...... is... also..... a hufflepuff

memelord: yes he is

snake person: huh

snake person: i had him pegged as a gryffindor

memelord: how's that?

snake person: reckless, brash, loyal, brave

memelord: ...

memelord: thanks??? i guess

snake person: <3 <3 <3

snake person: but if i do it the other way around

snake person: you're afab trans

memelord: that's me

snake person: nice 

memelord: :P

memelord: will you tell me something marinette?

snake person: sure ???

snake person: i literally have no more secrets to spill but ok

memelord: do you regret that kis??

snake person: i kis u

snake person: smorch

memelord: kiss* sorry

snake person: you'll have to be more specific if you want a good answer

memelord: MARINETTE

snake person: ;*

memelord: that one kiss at midnight

memelord: we were both rly sleep deprived after a long patrol

memelord: and i just murmured "kiss me, my lady"

memelord: and you did

memelord: i cried for three hours after that

snake person: omG

snake person: well if it made you cry then maybe i do regret it

memelord: nooOOO it was happy crying

memelord: i finally got to kiss my lady

memelord: i thought it would never happen

memelord: and then i felt guilty afterwards bc you probably weren't thinking clearly

snake person: oh no

snake person: i definitely knew what i was doing

memelord: ok thANK GOD

snake person: that was a very nice kiss tbh

snake person: i rly needed it after that long day

snake person: i kind of regretted it too at first

snake person: bc i felt like i was leading you on

memelord: the important part is that you were willingly kissing me

snake person: oh my god

snake person: you fuckign caught the lvoe

memelord: you keep saying you have a big crush on me but like

memelord: i don't think you realized how in love with you i was 

memelord: for AGES

memelord: you were my idol

snake person: ""were?""

snake person: binch i still am

snake person: or i'd better be anyways 

memelord: alright yes you still are

snake person: tbh i feel kind of guilty abt alya

snake person: she's still so oblivious

memelord: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

memelord: marinette?

snake person: yes adrien?

memelord: ur pretty cute

snake person: thank

snake person: i'm would die for you

 

fruit squad, 6:33 pm

 

gaydybug: u know what

gaydybug: every time hawkmoth sends out an akuma he's gonna owe me money

yeti: what did hawkmoth ever do to you

gaydybug: nothing i just want money

gaydybug: also there's an akuma attack and i'm angry

yeti: there's so many fuckign akuma attacks

yeti: this is the second one today

gaydybug: I KNOW

gaydybug: should i livetext this one

yeti: yes pls

yeti: i'm too lazy to come with you but i want to stay ##updated

gaydybug: will do then

snake person: where is it this time

gaydybug: eiffel tower

memelord: wow so original

gaydybug: ikr

gaydybug: at least it's close to my house

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 6:38 pm

 

memelord: mari are you coming

snake person: ye

snake person: why wouldn't i be

memelord: idk just checking 

 

fruit squad, 6:40 pm

 

gaydybug: so this akuma is...

gaydybug: named

gaydybug: the avenger

yeti: isn't that a superhero team

gaydybug: THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING

gaydybug: what is she even avenging

yeti: her father

gaydybug: isn't that the plot of the princess bride

yeti: i want to see an eel akuma

gaydybug: ??????

yeti: don't you remember the screaming eels

gaydybug: i do but

gaydybug: what a weird part of the movie to bring up

yeti: the entire movie is kind of weird

gaydybug: that's why it's such a masterpiece 

yeti: it's like that cards against humanity card

yeti: "what would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming"

gaydybug: my grandma fuckin loved that movie

gaydybug: every time i asked her if she could make me food after she watched it w me

gaydybug: she nodded and said "as you wish"

gaydybug: cracked her up every time

yeti: your grandma sounds great

gaydybug: so the avenger is currently trying to kick chat off the top of the eiffel tower

yeti: i'm getting déjà vu

gaydybug: akuma attacks but every time someone gets kicked off a roof i get +300 likes on the video

yeti: ???

yeti: is that what happens

gaydybug: ppl love violence i guess

yeti: what sadists

yeti: poor chat

gaydybug: apparently he's supposed to get hit more often bc he's kind of the brawn and ladybug is the brain i guess

gaydybug: but i feel so bad 4 him

gaydybug: he deserves more

yeti: we should make a chat noir appreciation day

gaydybug: SHIT GOOD IDEA

gaydybug: i should cosplay chat noir sometime tbh

gaydybug: lord knows i've done my fair share of ladybug

gaydybug: chat noir has been found dead in miami

yeti: is he okay

gaydybug: he's alright but he died

gaydybug: he actually landed on his feet this time but i'm not sure if that was a good idea to begin with

gaydybug: oh god

gaydybug: did he twist his ankle ??

yeti: i thought they were like

yeti: immune in their suits

gaydybug: me 2!!

gaydybug: he looks kind of pale

gaydybug: hang on

 

gaydybug: so nino do you want the good news or the bad news first

yeti: hmu with the good news

gaydybug: he's not dead

yeti: that's always good to hear

yeti: so what's the bad news

gaydybug: he can't walk

gaydybug: i mean it'll probably be fixed w the miraculous cure

gaydybug: but he can't rly help ladybug

gaydybug: he's sitting next to me

yeti: will u give him the phone

gaydybug: sure

gaydybug: Hello it's chat noir

yeti: hi chat it's nino i'd die for u

yeti: i wanna come to this fight now tbh

gaydybug: It's not that interesting honestly 

gaydybug: Ladybug is basically engaged in a very dangerous game of monkey bars

gaydybug: I don't even know what the Akuma's power is

gaydybug: and i'm angry since I can't help out

gaydybug: I have basically nothing to do

yeti: alya was talking about you taking one of those online "are you chat or ladybug" quizzes 

gaydybug: I think we both know which one i'd get

yeti: no but imagine if you got ladybug

yeti: alya will you pls film this for me

yeti: use this quiz

yeti has sent you a link.

gaydybug: Okay i'll be back later

gaydybug: Let me take this quiz

 

gaydybug: The results are in

yeti: *drumrolls*

gaydybug: I got ladybug

yeti: FHDHS

yeti: REALLY

gaydybug: Yep

gaydybug: I left some constructive criticism in the comments

gaydybug: i think the quiz should be changed so that when asked who you like better

gaydybug: choosing ladybug gives you points for chat noir

gaydybug: i love her more than life itself 

yeti: bro u in love

gaydybug: :3

yeti: wait i thought you were dating someone else???

gaydybug: i still love her though 

yeti: me too

yeti: ladybug is a gift

gaydybug: I THINK LADYBUG IS BACK AND THE AKUMA IS GONE AND MY FOOT IS GOOD SO IM GONNA GO

gaydybug: wtf he literally threw the phone in my lap to run and meet her

gaydybug: i'm ?? I THOUGHT HES DATINF SOMEONE

yeti: i assume i'm talking to alya now

gaydybug: damn straight

gaydybug: gay* sorry

gaydybug: HOLY

gaydybug: WHAT THE 

gaydybug: WHAT THE FUCK

gaydybug: WHAT THE FUCK

yeti: what?? what happened??????

gaydybug: CHAT JUST

gaydybug: HE

gaydybug: FLEW HIMSELF INTO LADYBUGS ARMS

gaydybug: STARTED SOBBING

gaydybug: AND MADE OUT WITH HER

gaydybug: THEYRE STILL MAKIKG OUT

gaydybug: WHAT THE FUCK

gaydybug: THIS LOOKS VERY CONSENSUAL 

gaydybug: ARE THEY DATING NOW??

gaydybug: ok they finally stopped making out but i think that's only bc he couldn't breathe

gaydybug: now he's crying again

gaydybug: i'm so confused

yeti: me too tbh

gaydybug: i rly want to ask them what's going on but at the same time

gaydybug: this seems like an intimate moment 

 

gaydybug: they just fukging apologized to me and then ran off??????

gaydybug: no explanation??

gaydybug: i don't know what's happening 

 

7:12 pm

 

memelord: what did i miss this time

gaydybug: i'm like 98.2% sure chat n ladybug are dating??

memelord: what why

gaydybug: for gods sakes scroll up

memelord: oh

gaydybug: ????????????¿¿¿

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 7:14 pm

 

memelord: shit i think she's onto us

snake person: first of all don't swear

snake person: second of all NO SHIT SHERLOCK

memelord: what are these double standards

snake person: aaa we shouldn't have done that

memelord: IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP MYSELF ;-;

snake person: me neither tbh

snake person: but how are we going to talk this one off

memelord: maybe we should sleep on it

snake person: it's 7 pm???

memelord: i meant lets tell her tomorrow

memelord: fabricate some lies or something

snake person: i'm so nervous

snake person: she's definitely going to figure us out if we don't tell her something soon

memelord: maybe at school tomorrow 

snake person: it was dumb to run off like that without any excuses though

memelord: i didn't know what to DO

snake person: me neither

memelord: i think i'll do the physics homework while i'm figuring things out

snake person: okay

snake person: i'll be stress baking 

snake person: but you can text me anytime

memelord: ily marinette <3

snake person: i love you too

 

fruit squad, 7:28 pm

 

gaydybug: adrien stop doing physics homework

memelord: how did you know i was doing physics homework

gaydybug: marinette told me

gaydybug: i want to yell abt earlier today

gaydybug: he just??? KISSED HER???

memelord: But you can yell without me

gaydybug: it's better if you're there

gaydybug: you're smart 

gaydybug: what do YOU think happened

memelord: i think they weren't actually kissing, they just wanted to know what the others tongue tasted like

yeti: adrien omg

gaydybug: i mean??

gaydybug: it's POSSIBLE

gaydybug: he's always loved ladybug more than anything though

gaydybug: why would he go out with someone else in the first place

gaydybug: OMG

gaydybug: WHAT IF HE AND LADYBUG WERE ALREADY GOING OUT AND WHEN THEY TOLD ME ABOUT THAT

gaydybug: THEY DECIDED TO GO MAKE OUT SOMEWHERE IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS

gaydybug: MAYBE THEY WER DATING ALL ALONG

gaydybug: IVE CRACKED THE CODE

yeti: why wouldn't they just out and say it then

gaydybug: idk privacy reasons??

gaydybug: i mean they kind of destroyed all hope of that when they MADE OUT UNTIL CHAT COULDNT BREATHE IN PUBLIC

gaydybug: idk man

yeti: maybe it was a mistake?

gaydybug: what was a mistake?

yeti: maybe they didn't mean to make out in front of you

gaydybug: look at this and tell me it was a mistake 

gaydybug has sent you a video.

yeti: ok true

yeti: yeah i don't know

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 7:36 pm

 

memelord: she KNOWS

snake person: shut up shut up shut up

snake person: GOD IM JUST FULL OF MISTAKES

memelord: i shouldn't have been so eager

memelord: we probably could've kept this on the down low for a few weeks more if i hadn't been so impulsive

memelord: maybe i really am a gryffindor

snake person: we're both at fault here

snake person: i'm just

snake person: i regret everything 

snake person: alya's gonna KNOW i'm hiding something when she sees me again in person and i'm NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO KEEP IT FROM HER

snake person: can i just hide in my room forever

memelord: relatable

 

fruit squad, 8:54 am

 

gaydybug: GOOD MORNING FOLKS

yeti: morning babe

gaydybug: i'm so excited for today

memelord: what for

gaydybug: i'm gonna find chat n ladybug and i will get the truth out of them

gaydybug: god i just

gaydybug: i gotta know if they're dating

memelord: ah

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 9:00 am

 

memelord: SHIT MARINETTE WHAT DO WE DO

snake person: ADRIEN AGRESTE WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

memelord: should we just fess up??

memelord: tbh every time we lie i feel like it's just gonna be harder to keep up the lie

snake person: we'll just run with what she said earlier

snake person: about that the person we were dating to begin with was each other

memelord: but that weird look we gave each other?? when we said we were both taken????

memelord: that was a weird look of realization

memelord: not love or smth

snake person: if we're really convincing i bet we can pull it off 

memelord: We can only hope

 

fruit squad, 12:32 pm

 

gaydybug: adrien do you think you can get ladybug n crew together again for me

memelord: Idk actually

memelord: they might be kind of busy

gaydybug: will you ask anyways ?? pls

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 12:34 pm

 

snake person: AAAAAAA

memelord: AAAAAAAAAAA

snake person: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

fruit squad, 12:35 pm

 

memelord: yeah they have stuff going on sorry

gaydybug: :(((

yeti: rip in peace alya

memelord: i guess their lunch hour is different than ours?

gaydybug: maybe i can get em after school

 

4:31 pm

 

gaydybug: ADRIEN WILL YOU ASK THEM AGAIN

memelord: sure ok

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 4:31 pm

 

snake person: fuck this shit i'm out

memelord: We can't avoid her forever 

snake person: should we just go with "we're dating"

memelord: well we ARE

snake person: i know that but

snake person: she doesn't necessarily know that chat n ladybug are

memelord: ok let's just go w that then??

 

fruit squad, 4:32 pm

 

memelord: yeah ok they're free

memelord: they want to know where you'll meet them

gaydybug: tell them to meet me at the trocadero

memelord: will do!

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 4:33 pm

 

memelord: she says trocadero

snake person: yeah i saw

snake person: i'm kind of in the chat

memelord: shut the up

 

fruit squad, 5:04 pm

 

gaydybug: https://youtu.be/fvtQYsckLxk

gaydybug: rip my polyamorous relationship tho

yeti: i s2g alya i clicked on that one video and now youtube is recommending me this shit

yeti: https://youtu.be/cRpdIrq7Rbo

gaydybug: pfff

gaydybug: in what way are those videos related though

yeti: there's always room for kazoo kid

yeti: there's so many clips from that that are in vines and shit

yeti: also i bought the trap remix

gaydybug: WHY

yeti: it's kinda good

yeti: i can appreciate a good beat

memelord: Are we back to youtube memes now

snake person: hey adrien i found this really good cover of one of your favorite songs

memelord: People do covers of my longest yeah boy ever 10 hours ????

snake person: https://youtu.be/tOsck7jYUsE

memelord: m 

memelord: marinette

snake person: yes?

memelord: i'm breaking up with you

gaydybug: well well well

gaydybug: how the turntables

snake person: this one's MY favorite song of all time remixed

snake person: https://youtu.be/Smc9Am9mLXk

yeti: that's 46 songs marinette

snake person: WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE

gaydybug: that is the most justified argument i've ever heard in my life

yeti: i wonder if ladybug likes hamilton

snake person: somehow we keep coming back to ladybug 

memelord: well can u blame them

memelord: ladybug is perfect, an Ethereal Goddess ™,

gaydybug: she's in a relationship and so are you

memelord: and?

snake person: omg show some respect 2 ur girlfriend

memelord: no

yeti: ooooohh

yeti: he did #that

 

PM between snake person and memelord, 5:12 pm

 

snake person: you know i have to say

snake person: i'm surprised you haven't made any cat puns yet

memelord: would you say that you're

snake person: NO

memelord: surPURRised

snake person: GOD NO

 

fruit squad, 5:14 pm

 

memelord: i just realized i haven't made any puns in this chat and that is a true chatastrophe

snake person: adrien why

gaydybug: dear lord here we go

memelord: hey guys

memelord: if i were religious

memelord: i'd be praydrien

snake person: if you keep making puns 

snake person: you'd be dead

memelord: marinette doesn't find my jokes very punny i see

memelord: it seems that she's

snake person: stop

memelord: punamused

snake person: i will set fire to everything you love

memelord: you'd be setting fire to yourself

yeti: i don't know if i should be disappointed or impressed

gaydybug: hey adrien if i tripped down the stairs

gaydybug: i'd be fallya

snake person: you're encouraging him

memelord: i hope you won't feel malya

yeti: ???

memelord: mal + alya

gaydybug: marinette by encouraging him i'm being a true palya

snake person: i wish you both would die

yeti: marinette more like mariNETTLED

snake person: nino more like niNO

memelord has changed their name to pun lord.

pun lord: hey marinette 

pun lord: if you took chinese with me

pun lord: you'd be mandarinette

snake person: fruit squad but every time adrien makes a pun i hate him even more

pun lord: i guess that makes me HATEdrien

yeti: you're grasping at straws here dude

gaydybug: u know what you do with straws

gaydybug: take a fuckin sip babes 

snake person: this is the last straw

pun lord: MARINETTE MADE A PUN

snake person: there's more where that came from

snake person: adrien

snake person: if you were a furry

pun lord: which i'm not

snake person: you'd be nyadrien~

pun lord: suddenly it's less fun making puns when you're made to be a hypothetical furry

snake person: more like it's less PUN

pun lord: i am the pun master

pun lord: i cannot be outpunned

yeti: WE ARE OUTPUNNED OUTMANNED

gaydybug: OUTPUNDERED OUTPLANNED

snake person: adrien has been typing for like 5 minutes i'm scared 

pun lord: Ohhh I frequently think every now and then  
Of the glorious joke that never offends  
Puns! Puns! P-U-N-S Puns!  
My knowledge of puns is tremendously wide  
I've told some to which Marinette cried  
Wordplays, innuendos, quips, bons mots  
Double entendres, witticism, jeux de mots  
It's intellectually stimulating and fun  
There is no way that you can't enjoy a pun  
Cat puns, name puns, puns pulled straight from the head  
I know every way that a pun can be said  
And thinking of puns reminds me of Chat  
Whose favorite puns derive from cats.

snake person: of course you were doing something dumb like that

gaydybug: what is that a reference to

pun lord: https://youtu.be/zFCl-g_P9v8

yeti: you're the definition of a dork i s2g

yeti: and to think that thousands of girls across paris think you're just dreamy

pun lord: i AM dreamy

gaydybug: dream on

snake person: OHHHHHHH

snake person: do you require any sort of frozen commodity to ease your probable pain stemming from your burn injury??

pun lord: :(((

pun lord: i broke my ankle yesterday give me a break

gaydybug: you did WHAT

gaydybug: WHEN

gaydybug: ARE YOU OK

yeti: adrien????

yeti: u looked very.. not injured today 

gaydybug: IM SO CONFUSED HOW DID THAT HAPPEN

pun lord: no it's fine

gaydybug: WHAT

gaydybug: WHY DID YOU SAY THAT THEN

yeti: perhaps adrien broke his ankle at the same time as chat did

gaydybug: maybe he IS chat

yeti: lmao

gaydybug: NO WHAT IF HE IS

yeti: ....

yeti: oh you're serious

yeti: adrien are you chat noir lmao 

yeti: adrien??

 

PM between snake person and pun lord, 5:39 pm

 

pun lord: I fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot? what's that


	5. petty squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloé is added to the group chat.
> 
> (HONEY, WHERE IS MY SUPERSUIT?????)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to @milesabovepeter for suggesting that chloé be in the group chat!! i wasn't going to do another chapter but i'm glad i did
> 
>  
> 
> i don't want to drag this on forever bc there's only so many memes you can reference bUT as long as you all like it i might keep writing it so!! there might be more
> 
> (idk if you know this but basically my only driving factor is support n feedback i get from this so. leaving a comment makes my day pls do it)

PM between snake person and pun lord, 6:47 pm

 

snake person: fuck i just saw that

snake person: adrien what did you do

snake person: adrien

snake person: adrien

snake person: adrien

snake person: adrien 

snake person: adrien agreste

snake person: chat noir

snake person: adrien "not a furry" agreste

pun lord: Can't we let go of that one

snake person: I KNEW YOU WOULD ANSWER TO THAT

pun lord: gdi

snake person: what the fuck did you do

pun lord: it's in the gc??

snake person: that was rhetorical 

snake person: WHY did you do it

pun lord: it was an ACCIDENT

snake person: i swear to god

pun lord: it's too bad we don't have some way of making them forget it all

pun lord: but since we don't

pun lord: we just gotta lie our way thru it

snake person: correction:

snake person: YOU just gotta lie your way thru it

pun lord: WHAT ABOUT US

pun lord: WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH

snake person: ur on your own babe

snake person: i gotta go my own way

pun lord: i could really use an akuma right now tbh

snake person: 3rd consecutive akuma in a day???

snake person: i don't think so

snake person: i'm going to bed or something

pun lord: it's not even 7

snake person: shut your fuck

snake person: im so tired

snake person: i just don't care at all

pun lord: same

pun lord: goodnight babe

snake person: goodnight fellow associate

 

fruit squad, 6:18 am

 

gaydybug: i swear if hawkmoth doesn't send out any akumas today i will cry with joy

gaydybug: he needs 2 give me a break

yeti: why are you up so early

gaydybug: my sisters

yeti: ahh

 

12:51 pm

 

gaydybug: so far so good

 

9:23 pm

 

yeti: why are you all so dead today

yeti: and why hasn't adrien been online

gaydybug: bc he's chat duh

pun lord: no i'm not

gaydybug: ADRIEN

gaydybug: MY SON

gaydybug: WHY DIDNT YOU ANSWER

pun lord: oh sorry i muted the chat

gaydybug: WHY THO

pun lord: u guys are normally super chatty

pun lord: Anyways

pun lord: i'm not chat noir

yeti: did u see chloé today

yeti: she looked rly sad

pun lord: I did notice that

gaydybug: why is that tho

snake person: it's bc she has a crush on ladybug

snake person: and now she thinks ladybug is straight and she has no chance 

yeti: is ladybug not straight?

snake person: nope she's bi

yeti: nice

gaydybug: she went out with me nino

gaydybug: why would she be straight

yeti: oh true

snake person: i don't mean to be petty

snake person: well yes i do i love to be petty

gaydybug: same

snake person: but i feel kind of bad for chloé??

snake person: the only real friend she has is sabrina

snake person: and the only reason they're friends is bc sabrina doesn't have anyone better to hang out with and i think she feels bad for chloé

gaydybug: no i think so too

gaydybug: i think chloé has this complex of "i want everyone to like me but i don't know how"

gaydybug: "so i will act like I like me and maybe they'll start liking me too"

gaydybug: and then people like her even less

yeti: that's kinda deep

snake person: i want to be her friend kinda 

snake person: but she utterly detests me

snake person: and now that i'm going out with adrien she likes me even less

yeti: why?? is she jealous 

snake person: in a way i think so

pun lord: she's told you guys that she likes girls right

gaydybug: she might've mentioned it

pun lord: Oh thank god

pun lord: i didn't want to accidentally out her or something

pun lord: but anyways she's known me since we were little kids and so i think she's a little protective of her rights over me

pun lord: which is one reason why she hates marinette

pun lord: but yeah i think she's a great person who has best intentions at heart but she doesn't quite know how to act on them

gaydybug: well if you wanted to add her here i would not stop you

yeti: she can be a part of our support group

pun lord: sure thing

 

pun lord has added Queen to the chat.

 

Queen: hi what the fuck

snake person: me everyday

Queen: who are you people

pun lord: well i'm adrien

gaydybug: alya

yeti: nino

snake person: marinette

Queen: ahh

Queen: why am i here

pun lord: bc marinette is petty

snake person: not really

gaydybug: i lvoe your screen name chloé

gaydybug: i can't believe chloé is freddie mercury

Queen: lmao

yeti: you know there are more members to queen than freddie mercury right

gaydybug: where are the receipts 

snake person: MAMA OOOOOOH

snake person: DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY

yeti: bohemian rhapsody is so overrated tbh

snake person: blockdt

snake person: bohemian rhapsody is my lifeblood

yeti: i'm not saying it's not good

yeti: it is very good

yeti: it's just basically the only song people think of when they think of queen

yeti: and they have lots of good music

yeti: that no one knows about

Queen: wait adrien what were you saying abt marinette being petty

snake person: being petty is my favorite pastime

Queen: same

gaydybug: same

yeti: same

pun lord: same

gaydybug renamed this group petty squad.

pun lord: nice

Queen: so what do you guys talk about in here

gaydybug: ladybug

yeti: cryptids

snake person: puns

pun lord: memes

Queen: interesting

snake person: also every time there's an akuma attack

snake person: alya livetexts it for us

snake person: since we don't all have the drive to go there in person

yeti: adrien you've gone a while without sending us weird youtube videos

yeti: got any good ones for us

snake person: NINO DO NOT

snake person: I SWEAR TO GOD

snake person: YOU FUCKING SNAKE

yeti: actually you're the snake person here marinette

pun lord: well let's see

pun lord: https://youtu.be/TaqBY6-_ZSA

pun lord: i also found this reddit thread

pun lord: https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/7da5i/police_raids_reveal_baby_farms/c06cqxb

Queen: cuil theory???

Queen: i'm so confused 

pun lord: i'm pretty sure that's the point

snake person: why am i dating such a nerd

pun lord: :3c

snake person: get those emoticons awAY FROM ME

yeti: adrien don't you like astrophysics

pun lord: yep

pun lord: why is that relevant though

yeti: idk the cuil script reminded me of that

pun lord: how???????

snake person: makes no sense

pun lord: excuse u

pun lord: astrophysics makes perfect sense

pun lord: look at this meme

pun lord: http://annaveth.tumblr.com/post/155850517611

pun lord: a true culmination of all my interests

Queen: what are your interests adrien

pun lord: memes, astrophysics, atla

gaydybug: it's 10pm and hawkmoth hasn't sent out any akumas

gaydybug: will we make it

yeti: hawkmoth do us a solid

gaydybug: hawkmoth is a dick but he has his good hours

snake person: i would just like to return to the supposed logic of astrophysics

snake person: how does any of that shit work

pun lord: Well

snake person: oh no

pun lord: If we're talking about black holes, it's basically that a star (which is already very heavy) collapses in on itself and forms a singularity which is so utterly heavy that it sucks in even light

pun lord: the meme i sent gives you a good visual 

pun lord: and there's exactly one point which is called the event horizon at which anything that passes it is doomed

gaydybug: i want to pass an event horizon

gaydybug: i'm already doomed

pun lord: and then you'd get crushed after that

gaydybug: nice

pun lord: and these black holes just keep sucking in stuff so they get heavier and heavier and they just suck in more stuff and it just goes on and on like that

pun lord: did you know that it's possible that micro-mini black holes exist that are .1 mm wide and the mass of the moon

yeti: no one cares

Queen: no one cares

gaydybug: no one cares

snake person: no one cares

pun lord: well i care

snake person: no one cares that you care

pun lord: :0

Queen: can i tell you guys something

pun lord: Go for it

snake person: ok

yeti: aight

gaydybug: sure

Queen: i think lila is kind of cute

gaydybug: OH ARE WE DOING CRUSHES

gaydybug: MINE IS LADYBUG

yeti: we know

snake person: we know

pun lord: we know 

Queen: we know 

gaydybug: nice hamilton reference 

yeti: mine is alya

gaydybug: aw babe <3 <3 <3

pun lord: mine is ladybug too

snake person: mine is adrien

pun lord: you keep saying that but like

pun lord: why

snake person: bc you're cute and a nerd

pun lord: Oddly enough those are also the traits you use to make fun of me

snake person: shut up nerd

gaydybug: i propose that adrien be henceforth known as "cute nerd"

pun lord has changed their name to cute nerd.

cute nerd: done

Queen: tbh i also have a crush on ladybug

Queen: but she's taken so

Queen: i've set my sights on other girls

yeti: girls like lila?

Queen: exactly

Queen has changed their name to sapphora.

snake person: SAPPHORA OMG

cute nerd: i don't get it

sapphora: it's like lipstick lesbian

sapphora: sephora + sapphic

cute nerd: omg

yeti: that's amazing

snake person: i feel obligated to change my name

snake person has changed their name to fucker.

fucker: there 

cute nerd: that's so vulgar

fucker has changed their name to vulgar.

vulgar: actually

vulgar has changed their name to marinara sauce.

gaydybug: oh so NOW you use marinara in your screen name

gaydybug: four chapters later

marinara sauce: what

gaydybug: nothing

yeti has changed their name to club sandwich.

cute nerd: that's an... interesting choice

club sandwich: i looked it up and apparently my last name means "hero"

sapphora: so you immediately went to the sandwich as opposed to the title

club sandwich: i fuckin love food

sapphora: same

marinara sauce: same

gaydybug: same

cute nerd: same

marinara sauce: alya you're the only one who hasn't changed your name

cute nerd: that's new

gaydybug has changed their name to kazoo kid.

kazoo kid: i've had that remix in my head ALL DAY

kazoo kid: thanks to FUCJG NINO

club sandwich: fucjg

kazoo kid: you have no place to make fun of me

kazoo kid: its now my ringtone for you

sapphora: what's kazoo kid

cute nerd: a gift from the heavens

marinara sauce: it's a video but also a great remix

club sandwich: if you'd rather have something else in your head

kazoo kid: no

kazoo kid: nino

kazoo kid: nino will this video that you're about to send make me hate you forever

club sandwich: probably

kazoo kid: oh god

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/EK_LN3XEcnw

sapphora: should i click on that..

kazoo kid: knowing nino

kazoo kid: no definitely not

cute nerd: ladies and gentlemen this is

kazoo kid: OH THATS WHAT IT IS

kazoo kid: that's literally all you have to say adrien

kazoo kid: it's already stuck in my head 

cute nerd: i didn't even finish the intro

marinara sauce: it is such a shame that such a catchy song is so sexist 

marinara sauce: if i'm going to have something in my head it might as well be about nice things

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/ZyhrYis509A

kazoo kid: nino i'm close to removing you from the chat

sapphora: omg that song was my jam

marinara sauce: it still IS my jam

cute nerd: well it's my jelly

marinara sauce: shut up nerd 

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/LOZuxwVk7TU

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/rMqayQ-U74s

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/C-u5WLJ9Yk4

kazoo kid: NO MORE BRITNEY SPEARS

kazoo kid: she gets like almost naked in all of those don't expose adrien to that nonsense

club sandwich: sorry babe

club sandwich: michael jackson is on the list of all-time catchiest songs twice 

club sandwich: that's kind of impressive

club sandwich: elvis presley is on there twice too

kazoo kid: remind me again

kazoo kid: why are you looking up the catchiest songs of all time exactly??

club sandwich: it is fascinating how some beats are just so ingrained in us that you only have to hear "ladies and gentlemen this is mambo no. 5" in order to hear it in your head for days after

kazoo kid: is that really it

club sandwich: no

club sandwich: it is incredibly funny to watch you guys suffer

club sandwich: https://youtu.be/oRdxUFDoQe0

cute nerd: I can't hear that song without thinking of the weird al parody

marinara sauce: there's a weird al parody??

cute nerd: WHO RAISED YOU MARINETTE

cute nerd: WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN

marinara sauce: well gee i'm so sorry that i don't know every single weird al parody known to man,,

cute nerd: https://youtu.be/ZcJjMnHoIBI

cute nerd: truly iconic

sapphora: omg

sapphora: when i was like 8 i watched all the harry potter puppet pals

sapphora: and i found a weird al ebay video

marinara sauce: what does that even mean

sapphora: you know the song "i want it that way" by the backstreet boys

marinara sauce: ofc

sapphora: weird al did a parody of it 

sapphora: and it was about ebay

sapphora: and someone made a harry potter puppet pals video abt it

club sandwich: video or it didn't happen

sapphora: https://youtu.be/rsNKjndd0fc

marinara sauce: dear lord

marinara sauce: this video perfectly sums up 2007

club sandwich: ok but the mysterious ticking noise

kazoo kid: THE MYSTERIOUS TICKING NOISE

sapphora: memories

cute nerd: SNAPE, snape, SEVERUS snape

marinara sauce: DUMBLEDORE

kazoo kid: ron, ron, ron WEASley

marinara sauce: DUMBLEDORE

club sandwich: hermione

club sandwich: hermione

club sandwich: hermione, hermione

sapphora: harry potter, harry potter, OOH, harry potter, harry potter

cute nerd: SNAPE HARRY SNAPE HARRY SNAPE HARRY SNAPE HARRY SNAPE

marinara sauce: DUMBLEDOOOOORE

club sandwich: herrrrrrrrrmione

sapphora: harry potter, im harry potter

kazoo kid: ron, ron, ron WEASley

cute nerd: severus snape

club sandwich: hermione, hermione

sapphora: SINGING OUR SONG

cute nerd: ALL DAY LONG

marinara sauce: AT HOOOOOOOGWARTS

kazoo kid: I FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE TICKING

kazoo kid: ITS A PIPE BOMB

club sandwich: yaaaaaaaaaaaayBOOOM

sapphora: huhuhuahaha

sapphora: voldemort, voldemort, ooh volde volde volde voldemort

cute nerd: did you know that voldemort means "fleeing from death"

cute nerd: v deep

marinara sauce: meanwhile lupin is named werewolf mcwerewolf 

kazoo kid: wolves are forever ruined for me bc of wolf ocs

kazoo kid: marinette did you ever have any wolf ocs

marinara sauce: WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE WOLF OCS

marinara sauce: never talk about the wolf ocs

cute nerd: hey does anyone remember my immortal

cute nerd: wasn't that a harry potter fanfiction

cute nerd: i honestly couldn't tell

club sandwich: what.. did you use to read it unironically

cute nerd: NINO

cute nerd: ...yes

cute nerd: BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT

marinara sauce: omg really

marinara sauce: i'm gonna hold that over your head forever

cute nerd: Oh god

sapphora: goodnight guys i gotta get my beauty sleep

marinara sauce: i'm jealous

marinara sauce: i want beauty sleep too

sapphora: ;*

cute nerd: you know chloé has a point

cute nerd: i'm gonna go to bed early

marinara sauce: LAME

kazoo kid: you're such a square 

cute nerd: at least i'm not a sleep-deprived square

marinara sauce: goodnight nerd

 

4:28 am

 

club sandwich has changed their name to club penguin.

 

10:39 am

 

gaydybug: LADYBLOG IS ALMOST AT 1MIL FOLLOWERS YES 

gaydybug: also wtf nino why were you up at 4:30 am

club penguin: i was thinking about my screen name as i was falling asleep and i jsut

club penguin: thought of this

cute nerd: that game was so iconic

cute nerd: i used to just play the fishing game all the time

cute nerd: I never figured out how to get the big fish though

cute nerd: Did anyone else

sapphora: you gotta leave a yellow fish on your hook

cute nerd: REALLY

sapphora: yep

sapphora: i used to play that game all the time too

sapphora: i had a membership and i would buy all the dumb fur coats and rainbow puffles

club penguin: i would play the sledding games 

kazoo kid: I JUST FOUND MY PASSWORD FOR MY OLD ACCOUNT

kazoo kid: HANG ON

kazoo kid: *hacker voice* i'm in

kazoo kid: the interface looks so different omg

kazoo kid: all my puffles ran away oh no

kazoo kid: i have 32,041 coins???

kazoo kid: what would i even do with all that

kazoo kid: how much time did i spend playing this game

cute nerd: not enough 

cute nerd: i had like 500,000 at one point

kazoo kid: you're rich though you probably bought them with real money

cute nerd: :3c

cute nerd: believe it or not

cute nerd: you actually can't do that with club penguin 

cute nerd: so no

cute nerd: i just spent an embarrassing amount of time on that website

kazoo kid: oh my god

sapphora: the missions were my favorite

cute nerd: MINE TOO

club penguin: same

marinara sauce: there was this one mission that i just could not do for the life of me so after trying for half an hour i gave up and cried

marinara sauce: it was the one with the polar bear fur 

kazoo kid: oh god i remember that one

kazoo kid: i just realized that hawkmoth was completely on the down low yesterday

kazoo kid: i wonder if he'll go for day 2

club penguin: alya ahh you're gonna jinx it

sapphora: ok but poptropica

cute nerd: poptropica SUCKED

marinara sauce: discourse time:

marinara sauce: coffee

kazoo kid: my lifeblood

club penguin: it ok

cute nerd: it's too bitter

marinara sauce: just like me

cute nerd: but i drink it anyways bc i'm perpetually exhausted

club penguin: bro what do you DO all day

cute nerd: ;3

marinara sauce: adrien you're the love of my life but

marinara sauce: you Need To Stop Using Cat Emoticons

cute nerd: :3 :3 :3 what's that? i can't hear you over all these cat faces :3 :3 :3

marinara sauce: alya pls remove adrien from the chat

kazoo kid: NO he's my son

kazoo kid: i must look after him

sapphora: i only drink coffee if it's super sweet

sapphora: what do you guys think of pineapple on pizza

marinara sauce: it's ok

kazoo kid: GROSS

club penguin: i love it

cute nerd: never had it

kazoo kid: oh my gosh you guys i just had the best idea ever

kazoo kid: so you know how ladynoir is canon

sapphora: yeah

sapphora: why

kazoo kid: IMAGINE THEM REENACTING THE "WHERE IS MY SUPERSUIT" SCENE FROM THE INCREDIBLES

sapphora: omg

club penguin: alya you're a genius

kazoo kid: ;)

 

PM between marinara sauce and cute nerd, 1:02 pm

 

marinara sauce: fuck that'd be so great

cute nerd: I KNOW

cute nerd: imagine if we filmed it for alya and sent it to her

cute nerd: as like a gift 

marinara sauce: well you know

marinara sauce: it's the ladyblog's six-month anniversary pretty soon

marinara sauce: and she's about to hit a million subscribers

cute nerd: ;))))

marinara sauce: ;)))))))

marinara sauce: lets shoot it at your house

cute nerd: you wanna come over now?

marinara sauce: HECK YECK

marinara sauce: be there in 2

marinara sauce: i'm gonna say hi to alya on my way

cute nerd: ok see you soon!! <3

 

petty squad, 1:02 pm

 

club penguin: i don't even know where you got that idea from but i'm so glad it exists now

kazoo kid: the question is

kazoo kid: who's frozone and who's honey

sapphora: shit good question

club penguin: my instinct is that chat is frozone

club penguin: since in an interview he said he WANTED to be a superhero 

club penguin: whereas ladybug just kind of took it on to be responsible

kazoo kid: good point

kazoo kid: do you think ladybug likes being a superhero

sapphora: it definitely has its perks but it's also probably rly stressful 

kazoo kid: chloé are YOU a superhero ;)))

sapphora: no but i wish i was

sapphora: ladybug is my idol

kazoo kid: u and i have both cosplayed her so many times,,,

kazoo kid: i should make a cosplay club

kazoo kid: for ladybug

sapphora: i'd join

club penguin: me too tbh

club penguin: i want to try it

kazoo kid: i'm gonna ask m damocles about it ;))

club penguin: you know very well he's gonna say no

club penguin: ask mme mendeliev

club penguin: she'll probably say yes and then ask to join

kazoo kid: SHIT GOOD IDEA

kazoo kid: IM LOVE YOU NINO

club penguin: lov u 2

kazoo kid: LADYBUG JUST SHOWED UP ON MY DOORSTEP 

kazoo kid: RUNG THE DOORBELL

kazoo kid: AND GAVE ME A HUG????

kazoo kid: i'm so gay

kazoo kid: ladybug is too good for this world

sapphora: i'm jealous omg

sapphora: why'd she do that

kazoo kid: IDK

kazoo kid: BUT I LOVE HER

kazoo kid: it kinda looks like she's going to the agreste mansion omg

kazoo kid: OH IS THERE AN AKUMA

club penguin: i don't think so

sapphora: nah

sapphora: i'd know

kazoo kid: praise hawkmoth but also

kazoo kid: why is ladybug here then

club penguin: who knows with ladybug honestly 

kazoo kid: ain't that the truth

 

PM between marinara sauce and cute nerd, 2:15 pm

 

cute nerd: ok i'm almost done editing it

marinara sauce: NICE

cute nerd: should we send it to her now or wait until it actually does hit 1mil subscribers

marinara sauce: i'm IMPATIENT

marinara sauce: i wanna say now but,,,

marinara sauce: wait how many followers is she at now

cute nerd: i think it's like 996,497 or something

marinara sauce: that's so close omg

marinara sauce: do you think it'll happen tonight

cute nerd: it might,,

cute nerd: let's wait and see

marinara sauce: i hate waiting

 

7:37 pm

 

cute nerd: 998,000 FOLLOWERS

marinara sauce: AAAAAAAA

 

petty squad, 9:24 pm

 

kazoo kid: GUYS

kazoo kid: GUYS HEY

kazoo kid: FOLKS GUESS WHAT

club penguin: what is it babe

kazoo kid: I 

kazoo kid: JUST

kazoo kid: HIT

kazoo kid: ONE

kazoo kid: M I L L I O N

kazoo kid: FOLLOWERS

kazoo kid has changed their name to don't talk to me i'm famous.

don't talk to me i'm famous: i should do something special i think

don't talk to me i'm famous: but idk whAT

 

PM between marinara sauce and cute nerd, 9:32 pm

 

cute nerd: SHOULD I SEND IT

marinara sauce: YES

marinara sauce: MAKE ME PROUD BABE

cute nerd: AAAA HERE WE GO

 

petty squad, 9:33 pm

 

cute nerd: alya i have something for you

don't talk to me i'm famous: omg what is it

cute nerd has sent you a video.

don't talk to me i'm famous: is this what i think it is,,

cute nerd: :3

sapphora: oh

sapphora: my god

sapphora: that video is amazing

don't talk to me i'm famous: ADRIEN IM CRYING

don't talk to me i'm famous: HOW DID YOU GET THIS

don't talk to me i'm famous: THIS IS THE BEST GIFT IVE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE

don't talk to me i'm famous: THANK YOU MY SON

don't talk to me i'm famous: I WILL CHERISH IT FOREVER AND EVER

cute nerd: i'm glad you like it <3

club penguin: was this shot today??

club penguin: adrien did you like

club penguin: tell lb&cn about this and then just

club penguin: shoot it at your house

cute nerd: yes indeed

cute nerd: anything for the famous girl

don't talk to me i'm famous: i'm going to be yelling about this for ages

don't talk to me i'm famous: i'm would die for you adrien

don't talk to me i'm famous: <3333

cute nerd: no problem ;)

sapphora: when i die i want this played at my funeral

don't talk to me i'm famous: BITCH ME TOO THE FUCK

 

10:52 pm

 

marinara sauce: i;m thinking about thos Beans

cute nerd: idk which beans you are talking about but me too

don't talk to me i'm famous: We Are All

don't talk to me i'm famous: thinking about thos Beans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet you all have mambo no. 5 in your head and you hate me now
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. just to avoid confusion the final names are:
> 
> adrien = cute nerd  
> marinette = marinara sauce  
> alya = don't talk to me i'm famous  
> nino = club penguin  
> chloé: sapphora


	6. revolutionary squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes out of country for the weekend and Gabriel Agreste is the grinch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the fuck am i doing lmao

petty squad, 7:44 am

 

cute nerd: you guys know about lazytown memes right

marinara sauce: you've probably brought them up

don't talk to me i'm famous: yeah you sent us some one time

cute nerd: i'm going through my likes on youtube and

cute nerd: there's jsut so MANY of them

marinara sauce: ... how many

cute nerd: um

cute nerd: 51

cute nerd: and those are only the ones i liked

cute nerd: i've probably watched hundreds

club penguin: oh my god

marinara sauce: links or it didn't happen

don't talk to me i'm famous: MARINETTE NO

cute nerd: brace yourselves

cute nerd: https://youtu.be/1zxFuMawrDc  
https://youtu.be/K5tVbVu9Mkg  
https://youtu.be/txXQH978aug  
https://youtu.be/Odf-s7hlDqg  
https://youtu.be/-942Pw7O4ak  
https://youtu.be/DZ2QBt9MFzA  
https://youtu.be/jbj9eFTnPJI  
https://youtu.be/GVbhtYW1UNY  
https://youtu.be/7dIetQFw-n4  
https://youtu.be/b0nT8TdlEHg  
https://youtu.be/RBCYXe5ufas  
https://youtu.be/POv0MynSv6s  
https://youtu.be/MoZvqT0yAzY  
https://youtu.be/EePY6-gIcUE  
https://youtu.be/7_MZcHL_5r4  
https://youtu.be/cb-_lmQ74qM  
https://youtu.be/8km4NbtUXw8  
https://youtu.be/br517ctCUCE  
https://youtu.be/NHha2n8OaNk  
https://youtu.be/Yq9hB6WTfSE  
https://youtu.be/_OgA4h1UoFc  
https://youtu.be/3xzuSF4RUDc  
https://youtu.be/VjIN_DUOAlM  
https://youtu.be/458wL2Va2jg  
https://youtu.be/oSWHFUrjACw  
https://youtu.be/-o7DOSucI0U  
https://youtu.be/O3pf7HCbtXo  
https://youtu.be/nckjah2qNNg  
https://youtu.be/WMCKFn-lK_s  
https://youtu.be/PfQaOLizV88  
https://youtu.be/_iYGb8VHjRI  
https://youtu.be/fb4xGirFOq8  
https://youtu.be/4BIpDIelf8s  
https://youtu.be/w1TcM66fsDo  
https://youtu.be/pEmA6XsSo3o  
https://youtu.be/4S5QnK-MD94  
https://youtu.be/B0tWfZU0b2I  
https://youtu.be/ExZV2ZlL_Jg  
https://youtu.be/NWrOqzzWjP4  
https://youtu.be/8XQ2sVxb18s  
https://youtu.be/r8bsEv7F0SU  
https://youtu.be/81UWI3u_Wuc  
https://youtu.be/kRFkG3pu8Jo  
https://youtu.be/pzlTyKtk5S4  
https://youtu.be/-Sb1GtrajwQ  
https://youtu.be/_zm3IeVLzE8  
https://youtu.be/8QTkUKRquFk  
https://youtu.be/y7TfDhw3KVk  
https://youtu.be/frrl1H6x4mI  
https://youtu.be/K5tVbVu9Mkg  
https://youtu.be/RiVvHL8GVUw

club penguin: jfc adrien

club penguin: how much fucken time do you HAVE

cute nerd: 2 much 

don't talk to me i'm famous: i love how 90% of those are we are number one and every time there's a cooking by the book meme it's like the salt and pepper diner w john mulaney

marinara sauce: THE SALT AND PEPPER DINER OMG

cute nerd: there r also some nice tumblr memes,,

cute nerd: http://itsnotyou-itsmimi.tumblr.com/tagged/lazytown

cute nerd: http://megatraven.tumblr.com/tagged/lazy-town

don't talk to me i'm famous: if i'm ever bored i know which youtube playlist IM going to be creating

marinara sauce: hey do you think hawkmoth will go for 3 days in a row w/o an akuma

don't talk to me i'm famous: geez i sure hope so

don't talk to me i'm famous: well actually

don't talk to me i'm famous: i do miss my babe and my wife 

don't talk to me i'm famous: but i also want to work on a 1million follower special

don't talk to me i'm famous: i could compile ladybug's best moments

don't talk to me i'm famous: or make a meme video like mkatwood

don't talk to me i'm famous: or a meet the blogger thing

don't talk to me i'm famous: or an extra-special interview

club penguin: those all sound great

marinara sauce: hey alya you know those videos that are like "you reposted in the wrong _____"

don't talk to me i'm famous: ye adrien sent some

don't talk to me i'm famous: why

marinara sauce: i bet you could do one w ladybug n chat

marinara sauce: you reposted in the wrong ladybug

marinara sauce: and it's just any of ladybug's songs

marinara sauce: remixed with the original meme song

don't talk to me i'm famous: marinette ur a genius

don't talk to me i'm famous: or should i say

don't talk to me i'm famous: a meme-ius

marinara sauce: i'm so proud

club penguin: why am i friends with any of you

 

5:12 pm

 

don't talk to me i'm famous: it's been awhile since we watched a poorly animated mid-2000s movie

don't talk to me i'm famous: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

club penguin: it can stay like that alya

don't talk to me i'm famous: ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

cute nerd: so which poorly animated mid-2000s movie are we going to watch alya

don't talk to me i'm famous: SHREK

marinara sauce: but... why

don't talk to me i'm famous: WHY NOT

don't talk to me i'm famous: will you guys watch it with me

marinara sauce: even if i say no you'll make me watch it anyways

don't talk to me i'm famous: tru

don't talk to me i'm famous has sent you a link.

don't talk to me i'm famous: this movie is truly iconic i can't wait to watch it again

cute nerd: someBODY ONCE TOLD ME

marinara sauce: if you finish the song i'm breaking up with you

club penguin: it's wild how this film is older than me

marinara sauce: aaaaaaa

cute nerd: HEY NOW YOURE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY

don't talk to me i'm famous: they're so discriminatory against ogres :((

don't talk to me i'm famous: where's the equality

don't talk to me i'm famous: y are they attacking him :((((

club penguin: he's being sneaky charlie

club penguin: sneaky

cute nerd: shrek is scaring everybody oh no

marinara sauce: if he rly wanted to scare them he should eat some coleslaw

marinara sauce: that stuff is disgustening

club penguin: the villagers' screams are me when i have to wake up early

don't talk to me i'm famous: s a m e

cute nerd: DONKEYS ON SCREEN

club penguin: my love

cute nerd: go be a furry somewhere else

marinara sauce: i can't believe that's coming from YOU

don't talk to me i'm famous: i believe i can flyyyyyy

cute nerd: these physics make utterly no sense

cute nerd: i'm cringing so hard rn

don't talk to me i'm famous: lord faarquad's logo looks like the facebook logo

club penguin: dude that's what it's REFERENCING

don't talk to me i'm famous: no????

don't talk to me i'm famous: facebook was started in 2004

don't talk to me i'm famous: 3 years AFTER this movie came out

marinara sauce: guess it's just a weird coincidence then

cute nerd: "but uh... i don't have any friends" same 

marinara sauce: bitch what am i?? a roach????

club penguin: "take a look at me what am i??"

club penguin: WHAT ARE YOU

don't talk to me i'm famous: AN IDIOT SANDWICH

marinara sauce: i love how shrek has a scottish accent bc he kinda sounds like merida

don't talk to me i'm famous: fdhs omg

club penguin: i ship shrek and donkey

don't talk to me i'm famous: isn't that beastiality

club penguin: are ogres really humans

don't talk to me i'm famous: dam... shrek is Thicc

cute nerd: I'm blocking you alya

marinara sauce: w h y

marinara sauce: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP

club penguin: https://youtu.be/U_lf8z8bl94

club penguin: what a bop

don't talk to me i'm famous: hey so if we were in shrek

don't talk to me i'm famous: who do you think we'd be

marinara sauce: alya you're fiona

marinara sauce: bc you have red hair and you're the prettiest

club sandwich: so am i shrek

don't talk to me i'm famous: yes

marinara sauce: i'm donkey

cute nerd: i'm the dragon

don't talk to me i'm famous: no no

don't talk to me i'm famous: marinette you're lord faarquad and adrien is donkey

marinara sauce: why...

don't talk to me i'm famous: cause you're SHORT

marinara sauce: >:((

don't talk to me i'm famous has changed their name to fiona. 

marinara sauce has changed their name to short stack.

club penguin has changed their name to shrek.

short stack: adrien come on

short stack: do it for the meme

cute nerd: no

shrek: adrien bro

cute nerd: absolutely not

shrek: bro pls

cute nerd: eternal sigh

cute nerd has changed their name to donkey.

fiona: THE GANGS ALL HERE

fiona: i wonder where chloé is 

sapphora: i am not getting roped into shrek

sapphora has left the chat.

fiona: rip

shrek: is lord faarquad like donald trump or something

shrek: and are the fairytale creatures like all the people he hates

donkey: we're gonna build a wall

donkey: to keep out the gingerbread men

fiona: shdhdsshj

short stack: DOES THAT MEAN IM TRUMP

short stack: EW

fiona: she's married to the muffin man harold

fiona: fuck god damnit

fiona: ok i'm gonna pause this bc i'm p sure there's an akuma,,

fiona: bbl

donkey: where is it

fiona: sounds like it's near nadia's studio

fiona: i'm gotta bike over there

shrek: what's the theme this time

fiona: they're some kind of bee themed shebang

fiona: i hope ladybug n chat won't get stung 

shrek: alya i just had the best idea

fiona: omg what is it

shrek: so you know how lb&cn can call each other with their weapons

fiona: ...yes

shrek: do you think they can call hawkmoth

shrek: imagine if they rickrolled hawkmtoh

fiona: N I NO

fiona: AUDUEUHDSJ

fiona: IM CRYINF

fiona: imagine if they actually did that n he picked up and it was jsut

fiona: THAT

fiona: once they're done im gonna tell them to do that

shrek: omg really

fiona: ISK IF ITLL WORK,,,

fiona: BUT DEAR LORD I HOPE SO

fiona: the bee person is just trying to be a good friend

fiona: justice for bees

shrek: i guess ur name should bee 

shrek: beeona

fiona: i love it

fiona has changed their name to beeona.

beeona: jfc that was quick

shrek: is it over already???

beeona: no but normally ladybug takes FOREVER to use her lucky charm

beeona: it's a box of matches

beeona: she's telling chat to go do something

beeona: HE JUDT BROUGHT HER BACK AN ENTIRE TREE

beeona: she's setting fire to the tree

beeona: ok the bee person got rly calm

beeona: OH RIGHT BC SMOKE MAKES BEES SLEEPY

shrek: i love bees

beeona: me too they're so CUTE

beeona: OK ILL BEE RIGHT BACK

 

shrek: babe you've been gone for a while what happened 

beeona: HE DID IT THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

beeona: i want to hug chat noir 

shrek: bitch me too the fuck

beeona: i wish i could've seen hawkmoth's reaction tbh

beeona: i would've paid good money to see that

shrek: WAIT HE REALLY DID IT

beeona: YE

beeona: i asked him abt it and he started crACKING UP

beeona: and he told ladybug to come help him 

beeona: they called hawkmoth from chat's staff anD HE ACTUALLY PICKED UP

beeona: ladybug played never gonna give you up from her yo-yo

beeona: hawkmoth hung up like 5 seconds later

shrek: ICONIC

beeona: i'm fuckign dead

short stack: wild

beeona: WELCOME BACK MARINETTE

beeona: tbh i'm not even mad that he broke our streak w/o akumas

beeona: this was completely worth it

donkey: goodnight y'all

beeona: FUCK WE GOTTA FINISH SHREK

beeona: WHAT ABOUT SHREK

donkey: i have put myself through enough suffering thank you very much

beeona: ugh fine 

beeona: GOODNIGHT SQUARE

short stack: gnight babe

 

12:32 pm

 

beeona: it's wednesday do you guys want to hang out

short stack: sure but where

beeona: lets go to a café

beeona: meet me at a café

shrek: alya

shrek: which

shrek: gotdamn 

shrek: café

beeona: idk any café

shrek: you're gonna have to be more specific 

short stack: let's just all go to a random café and see if we pick the same one

donkey: the chances of that happening are about one in 2.5 trillion

donkey: i did the math

beeona: well i'm feeling lucky

beeona: let's see what happens 

 

beeona: no one's at my café

donkey: mine neither

short stack: yeah same

shrek: well that failed

shrek: alya which one were you at

beeona: marinette's house

beeona: i wanted to see if she finally took down those pictures of adrien

short stack: you went in my room ???

short stack: omg

short stack: my house isn't even a café it's a bakery?????

beeona: shut the up

beeona: srsly hasn't adrien come over

beeona: doesn't it weird him out to see his face everywhere

donkey: no i kind of got used to it

donkey: you know 

donkey: i see my face everywhere no matter what 

donkey: plus marinette is an artist so she can decorate however she wants

short stack: thabk u.. you da real mvp

donkey: <3

beeona: *uses hands as megaphone* USE PRIVATE MESSAGING

beeona: but which cafés were YOU guys at

donkey: i was at the one closest to my house bc i'm lazy

shrek: same

short stack: i actually went to the one closest to alya's house bc i figured that's where she'd be

short stack: but NOPE

short stack: she's poking around my room

beeona: ooh marinette your diary is so cute

short stack: DONT OPEN THAT

beeona: why 

beeona: is there smth that you're not telling me ;)))

short stack: no but if you open it without a key it'll clamp down on your hand and you'll need me to get it off

beeona: oh

beeona: fuck dude your designs are so great i'm crying

short stack: LIES

beeona: look at this one aww

beeona: is adrien the model in all these or????

short stack: ok just saying adrien is easy to draw

short stack: his design is simple and his color scheme goes w lots of clothing

donkey: you make me sound like a cartoon character

donkey: also 

donkey: what color scheme do i HAVE

short stack: ur blind and u have green eyes

donkey: i'm not blind??

short stack: BLOND*****

short stack: I MEANT BLOND

short stack: but i mean you'd be cute even if you were blind

beeona: U S E

beeona: P R I V A T E

beeona: M E S S A G I N G

donkey: no one tells the president what to do

shrek: why is adrien the president 

donkey: i'd make a GREAT president

donkey: everyone would get lots of croissants

shrek: france doesn't even have a president

donkey: i'll be the president of the us

short stack: i'm pretty sure you have to be a us citizen for that

short stack: and born there

donkey: okay but i'd be better than trump

beeona: well that goes without saying

beeona: heck even hawkmoth would be better than trump

beeona: a zoopals plate would be better than trump

shrek: the entire kidzbop discography would be better than trump

short stack: 7 potatoes would be better than trump

beeona: i feel so BAD for my american friends

beeona: what the heck are they gonna do

shrek: what the heck i gotta do to be with you

beeona: WAS THAT A 21 CHUMP STREET REFERENCE

shrek: heck yeck it was

beeona: I'M LOVE YOU

short stack: use private messaging??

beeona: no

short stack: what are these double standards

donkey: what's 21 chump street??

beeona: ONLY THE BEST THING EVER CREATED

beeona: https://youtu.be/FpWYecprmyk

beeona: it's made by lin-manuel miranda so you KNow it's good

donkey: Who's lin-manuel miranda

beeona: ....

beeona: we are no longer friends

donkey: :((

shrek: dude how the fuck do you not know who lin-manuel miranda is

donkey: i just don't??

shrek: i'm disgusted

beeona: HE DID THE MUSIC FOR MOANA

beeona: HE WROTE IN THE HEIGHTS

short stack: aren't you forgetting one very trivial body of work there

beeona: oh right

beeona: HE WROTE AND PERFORMED AS THE TITULAR CHARACTER OF HAMILTON

short stack: remember that video i sent

short stack: hamilton but it keeps getting faster

donkey: it rings a bell

short stack: WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT WAS

donkey: idk i clicked on it and then closed the tab

short stack: you did WHAT

short stack: you're the worst boyfriend ever

short stack: adrien agreste is cancelled

short stack: don't talk to me unless you can sing the entire musical

donkey: how long is the musical though

short stack: about two and a half hours

donkey: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SING ALL THAT

short stack: IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN TOO

short stack: you're blocked until you're familiar with it

short stack: is that clear

donkey: are you serious abt this

short stack: yes

short stack: it is a gift from god

donkey: i'm going home from this café now

donkey: where should i go to watch it

short stack: you don't WATCH MUSICALS

short stack: THATS ILLEGAL

short stack: listen to it on youtube

donkey: but why is watching musicals illegal????

short stack: idk but it is

short stack: unless you see it live in broadway

donkey: i wonder if my dad would take me

short stack: good luck with that

short stack: it's sold out until 2018

donkey: ...oh

 

donkey: this is pretty good ngl

 

5:28 pm

 

donkey: h e l p

donkey: i've been listening to this on repeat for 5 hours

short stack: that's only 2 replays smh

short stack: up your game adrien

 

10:36 pm

 

donkey: now on my tenth consecutive hour of hamilton

beeona: go to bed nerd

donkey: NO

donkey: I WANT TO CRY ABOUT PHILIPS DEATH AGAIN

donkey: UN DEUX TROIS QUATRE CINQ SIX SEPT HUIT NEUF

donkey: WHO KNEW COUNTING TO TEN WOULD MAKE ME CRY

donkey: IM SOBBING

short stack: pls go to bed

 

8:17 am

 

donkey: this morning i casually asked nathalie about seeing hamilton

donkey: and she just shrugged and said "sure"

donkey: so i mentioned it was on broadway and sold out and we'd need plane tickets anyway 

donkey: and she said she knew all that

donkey: and then she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me she's been obsessed with the soundtrack for months and she'd kill a man to see it live

donkey: so

donkey: i might be seeing hamilton

short stack: WHAT THE FUCK

short stack: IF YOU GO YOUD BETTER TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

5:54 pm

 

donkey: NATHALIE HAS PROCURED US TICKETS!!!!

donkey: DOES ANYONE WANT TO COME

short stack: WTF YOURE SERIOUS

short stack: i would love to and it would be the highlight of my life

short stack: but i can't possibly pay you back

donkey: why would you pay me back???

donkey: it's like thousands of dollars

donkey: my dad is rich he's got your back

shrek: wait how many tickets do you have??????

donkey: six

donkey: one for each of us, nathalie, and my dad

shrek: wait really

beeona: ARE WE ALL SEEING HAMILTON

short stack: are we gonna stay in a fancy hotel????

shrek: can we see times square???

beeona: i'm literally shook

beeona: how the fuck did nathalie do that

beeona: ITS SOLD OUT FOR A YEAR

beeona: AND SHE GOT SIX WHOLE TICKETS

donkey: IDK BUT I LOVE HER

donkey: we're going on friday if you guys wanna come

donkey: otherwise i'm sure other people would be happy to have the tickets

shrek: ILL COME

beeona: ME TOO

short stack: IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION

donkey: friday it is!!!

 

7:39 am

 

beeona: TEN MORE HOURS UNTIL HAMILTON

shrek: HECK YECK

 

5:02 pm

 

donkey: I'm waiting outside for you guys, is that ok? My driver will pick you up

short stack: AAAAAAA

short stack: IM COMING

 

beeona: hello friends it is i from the front seat

beeona: muahahaha i am superior to all of you

beeona: i still can't believe this is happening

beeona: this is the first time i've taken my suitcase to school

shrek: this whole thing seems incredibly surreal

 

7:36 pm

 

short stack: GUYS WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

short stack: THIS AIRPORT IS SO CONFUSING

 

8:14 pm

 

beeona: I CANT BELIEVE OUR PLANE SEATS ARE SEPARATED THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

beeona: I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER

beeona: at least we have the group chat

short stack: yeah until your phone dies

beeona: aaah it'll be fine

donkey: why does this flight not take any time at all???

donkey: didn't the lady just say we'd land at 8:30 pm

short stack: new york is 6 hours behind paris and it's a six-hour flight

shrek: i'm rly not looking forward to the jet lag 

donkey: my dads looking over my shoulder so i might stop texting for a bit

beeona: i wonder if anyone will recognize him

beeona: or you for that matter

beeona: i wonder if anyone will just point at you and go HOLY FUCK ITS THE GUNCH

donkey: the gunch????

beeona: the grinch + gun

donkey: are you saying my dads the grinch

short stack: i can't believe gabriel agreste is the grinch

donkey: my dad said to tell you guys that he's not the grinch 

shrek: that sounds like something that someone who was the grinch would say

beeona: my seat neighbor just poked me and asked if that was gabriel agreste

donkey: omg

beeona: listen IM the famous one here

beeona: DOES GABRIEL AGRESTE HAVE ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS

beeona: WHY AM I NOT THE ONE BEING OGLED

donkey: why would you want to be ogled??

donkey: it gets kinda tiring after a while

beeona: *aHEm MARINETTE*

short stack: I NEVER OGLED ADRIEN

donkey: I kinda wish you'd ogle me now

beeona: U

beeona: S

beeona: E

beeona: P

beeona: R

beeona: I

beeona: V

beeona: A

beeona: T

beeona: E

beeona: M

beeona: E

beeona: S

beeona: S

beeona: A

beeona: G

beeona: I

beeona: N

beeona: G

shrek: every time adrien or marinette says something gross just kick them out of the chat

donkey: We're only doing it to annoy you you know

donkey: we don't actually flirt that much

short stack: my preferred method of flirting is telling adrien he's a nerd

short stack: he likes to compare me to a perfectly fresh meme

beeona: a perfectly fresh meme omg

beeona: nino you should start calling me that

shrek: absolutely not 

 

PM between short stack and donkey, 8:27 pm

 

donkey: did you get any camembert with your food????

short stack: ye why

donkey: are you gonna eat it

short stack: ... i was planning on it

donkey: hekc

donkey: cause plagg really likes camembert and he's nagging me to get yours

short stack: omg he can have it

short stack: ill come over and give mine to you

short stack: ((i'm assuming plagg is your kwami))

donkey: that's him

 

petty squad, 9:36 pm

 

short stack: aaaaa

short stack: i wanna sleep but i can't sleep on planes,,,

shrek: rip to marinette

donkey: come sit in my lap or something 

short stack: and that'll help how???

donkey: I have very comfortable thighs

short stack: ....aight

beeona: you two are GROSS

shrek: babe do you want to sit in MY lap

beeona: HECK YECK

beeona: which row are you in

shrek: i'm 4 rows behind you

beeona: IM COMING

 

9:56 pm

 

donkey: marinette fell asleep on my lap aww

donkey: i bet i could steal her phone

short stack: hello it's marinette and certainly not adrien

short stack: i love adrien with my entire being and also i'm super talented 

beeona: sounds like her tbh

donkey: FUCK SHE WOKE UP

beeona: ADRIEN AGRESTE WHAT A POTTY MOUTH YOU HAVE

short stack: all of that is true except for that i'm talented 

short stack: i'm a garbage can

beeona: NO YOURE NOT

beeona: but same

shrek: alya yesterday you were explaining why you deserve to rule the entire world

beeona: ya but i hate myself

donkey: holy cow is that relatable 

donkey: marinette what are you designing

short stack: don't tell your dad but i'm redesigning one of his old lines

short stack: some of the ways the fabric was folded were just

short stack: kinda super ugly 

short stack: adrien tell your dad to stop looking at my stuff

donkey: marinette he's giving u the Weird Face

short stack: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

donkey: it means he either hates it or he loves it

short stack: AAAA

short stack: FHDYHW HES ONTO ME

short stack: GABRIEL AGRESTE JUST TOOK MY NOTEBOOK

short stack: HE SAYS ITS INTERESTING

short stack: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

beeona: ok marinette clam down a little

short stack: NO

short stack: MY IDOL IS FLIPPING THRU MY NOTEBOOK

short stack: HE ASKED IF THEYRE ALL ADRIEN IM CRYIGN

donkey: oh my GOD

donkey: marinette just said to my dad "i'm a very big fan of your work"

donkey: and she looked to me and WINKED

beeona: OH MY GOD MARINETTE

short stack: gabriel agreste

short stack: is asking me if i'm dating his son

short stack: goodbye

donkey: oh no she passed out again

shrek: on your lap?

donkey: on my lap

donkey: nathalie looks very amused

donkey: i'm gonna try to sleep again

beeona: good luck babe

shrek: what is happening

 

8:31 pm EST

 

beeona: WE HAVE LANDED IN NEW YORK

shrek: WOOHOO

short stack: i wonder what it's like

donkey: my dad says he's been here before and it was.. loud

donkey: it's a lot like paris bc everyone smokes

donkey: but it's much less socially acceptable 

donkey: the traffic is always horrible apparently 

 

PM between short stack and donkey, 8:36 pm

 

donkey: i just realized 

donkey: what if there's an akuma

donkey: what will we do

short stack: cry

 

petty squad, 8:47 pm

 

beeona: where the fuck did you guys go 

shrek: babe we're on 110th and 5th

beeona: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

beeona: THIS CITY MAKES NO SENSE

9:48 pm 

shrek: remember that one twizzlers commercial where king kong climbed the empire state building

beeona: um

beeona: no??

shrek: that was wild

beeona: i have no recollection of that

shrek: rip

donkey: imagine if that were an akuma omg

short stack: twizzlers are fuckin GROSS

short stack: i hate twizzlers

short stack: they're disgusting

donkey: they're ok

short stack: adrien agreste is cancelled 

shrek: i gotta agree with mari on this one

shrek: they're kind of horrible

beeona: twizzlers discourse i'm here for it

beeona: which room are you guys in

shrek: mine faces the empire state building

shrek: that's why i mentioned the twizzlers commercial

beeona: are you and adrien together

shrek: ye

beeona: can i come over

short stack: can i come too

donkey: i just realized that it's basically 3 am our time

donkey: boy howdy am i tired

donkey: marinette come to our room we're in 643

short stack: WILL DO

short stack: COME ON ALYA

 

12:32 pm

 

beeona: i just woke up and i'm craving pancakes

beeona: do you think they do 24 hour breakfasts in new york

donkey: they don't at this hotel but

donkey: there's a breakfast place like a block down

beeona: LETS GO

beeona: i'm so excited to try american pancakes

beeona: apparently they're super thick

beeona: and you don't put jam on them

shrek: what DO you put then

beeona: syrup and butter

shrek: sounds like an experience

donkey: Me and marinette will meet you there

donkey: i'll pay

donkey: my dad gave me a credit card

beeona: I LVOE YOU RICH KID

donkey: <3

 

2:03 pm

 

donkey: ITS HAPPENIGN

beeona: FUCK I WANNA BE LIVETEXTING THIS WHOLE THING BUT

beeona: THEY SAY PHONES SHOULD BE OFF

beeona: BYE GUYS

shrek: BYE BABE

donkey: BYE BABE

short stack: BYE BABE

 

5:16 pm

 

donkey: i have been crying for Too Long

donkey: i just remember the entire second act

donkey: and start crying again

beeona: same

beeona: its quiet uptown more like its fucking my heart up

shrek: i just

shrek: all that wordplay that we missed

shrek: rip 

beeona: what wordplay did we miss???

shrek: according to genius.com

shrek: a lot

donkey: it breaks my heart that i'm too white to rap

short stack: ok but you're french

donkey: and???

short stack: u have a leg up on lafayette's rap

short stack: u already know like half the words

donkey: which rap are we referring to

short stack: OUI OUI MON AMI JE M'APELLE LARGE BAGUETTE

donkey: large baguette omg

donkey has changed their name to large baguette.

beeona: you know what i have always wanted to do

beeona: go up the empire state building

beeona: wait

beeona: wait a goddamn minute

beeona: did you guys just

beeona: see that

beeona: is that what i think it is

shrek: babe wtf are you talking about

beeona: i could jsut be incredibly sleep deprived but

beeona: i swear i just saw an akuma

shrek: babe

shrek: i lvoe you but

shrek: why the fuck would hawkmoth be in new york

beeona: I HAVE NO FUCNUNG CLUE

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 5:26 pm

 

short stack: WHAT THE FUCK

large baguette: I DONT KNOW

large baguette: DO YOU THINK ALYA'S RIGHT THOUGH

large baguette: IS THERE AN AKUMA HERE?????

short stack: BUT WHY????

large baguette: I DONT K N O W

large baguette: WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

petty squad, 5:27 pm

 

beeona: ITS DEFINITELY AN AKUMA

shrek: HOW DO YOU KNOW

beeona: I ASKED IT

shrek: YOU DID WHAT

shrek: WHY

beeona: HOW ARE LADYBUG AND CHAT GONNA GET OVER HERE

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 5:29 pm

 

short stack: LETS JUST TRANSFORM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

large baguette: AAAAAAAAA

 

petty squad, 5:32 pm

 

beeona: HOLY 

beeona: MOTHER

beeona: OF GOD

beeona: NINO ARE YOU FUCKING SEEING THIS

shrek: IS THAT LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR

shrek: WHY ARE THEY IN NEW YORK TOO

beeona: is this just some incredibly elaborate dream

shrek: i don't think so???

beeona: i'm gonna have to record this one with my phone 

beeona: dear lord i don't know what i'm doing

 

beeona: i m just so shook

beeona: chat says he's here bc of family reasons

beeona: and ladybug says she's here to support chat

beeona: relationship goals

beeona: literally what are the odds

beeona: that has to be some kind of one-in-a-trillion shit

beeona: this is the most improbable thing i've ever experienced

shrek: this entire weekend was a trip

beeona: i need to take a ten-year nap

shrek: same

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 6:12 pm

 

short stack: i'm exhausted

short stack: that hit me out of noWHERE

large baguette: SAME

large baguette: normally we expect that kind of thing but like

large baguette: it was out of the blue this time

short stack: i'm with alya 

short stack: i want to sleep forever

 

petty squad, 6:18 pm

 

beeona: part of me wants to get mad at americans for eating dinner so early and part of me is so hungry bc for us it's 12 am

shrek: let's get ny pizza

beeona: FUCK GOOD IDEA

 

6:52 am

 

large baguette: my dad says we have to go now

beeona: listen i may appreciate your dad for buying us tickets but he needs to Chill

large baguette: i don't think my dads ever chilled in his entire life

 

7:43 pm CET

 

beeona: THAT WAS THE BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE

beeona: IM STILL IN SHOCK

beeona: I CANT BELIEVE ALL THIS

beeona: WE SAW HAMILTON

beeona: WHICH IS BOOKED OUT FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR

beeona: AND LADYBUG AND CHAT WERE THERE TOO?????

beeona: WILD

shrek: this was definitely the most surreal weekend i've ever had

beeona: i'm gonna miss new york pancakes though 

short stack: okay yeah those were great

short stack: but the croissants were shit

short stack: new york needs to up its pastry game

short stack: i buy one thinking it'll remind me of home

short stack: but NOPE

short stack: Disgustening

large baguette: we aren't all pastry connoisseurs marinette

beeona: i think my favorite thing about this trip

beeona: was that now we can make all the hamilton references in the world

short stack: adrien will u flirt with me like hamilton does

large baguette: hamilton cheated on his wife and then wrote a 90-page pamphlet about it

large baguette: so no

large baguette: i will not

beeona: HAMILTON AU GO

marinette: i'm eliza

beeona: IM ANGELICA

shrek: i'm peggy

beeona: NINO

beeona: NO

beeona: YOURE LAURENS

shrek: that means i die

beeona: THEY ALL DIE

beeona: THIS HAPPENED 200 YEARS AGO

large baguette: maybe i'll be hamilton ??

large baguette: i guess

short stack: obviously you're lafayette

short stack: it's in the name

shrek: so who's hamilton

beeona: CHAT NOIR

large baguette: Oh the irony

beeona: I CHANGED MY MIND

beeona: LADYBUG IS ANGELICA

beeona: IM LEGGY

beeona: PEGGY*

shrek: leggy omg

beeona: HAWKMOTH IS BURR

shrek: perfect

short stack: so

short stack: hawkmoth killed chat noir

short stack: and chat noir married me and then cheated on me

short stack: and ladybug was originally in love with him

short stack: and then i fucked everything up

large baguette: amazing

beeona: ok but tbh

beeona: i don't know how any experience is going to top this weekend

beeona: DGSGSH PEOPLE ARE ALREADY CLAIMING THAT MY VIDEO FROM NEW YORK WAS GREENSCREENED????

beeona: I DINT HAVE THAT KIND OF EDITING SKILL

 

8:37 pm

 

large baguette: https://youtu.be/vNZmEVLl2LM

large baguette: iconic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you don't like hamilton 
> 
> by the way here's the rickroll scene:   
> http://itsnotyou-itsmimi.tumblr.com/post/155964991625/shrek-alya-i-just-had-the-best-idea-fiona-omg


	7. weekend at beeona's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir is unfairly good at Scrabble and Hawkmoth is a filthy memefucker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the hamilton last chapter ;-; ((i tried to not mention the actual play too much cause i knew some of you wouldn't like it and i don't want to be That Guy that shoves hamilton into ppl's faces but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯))
> 
> anyways yeah enjoy the trash,, i cannot believe i got almost 3k words out of this dumb chapter

8:10 am

 

beeona: want to know a fun fact

shrek: 10 euros says that this fact is not actually fun

beeona: fuck you

beeona: my fun fact is now that nino is a nonbeliever 

beeona: just kidding it's that chat noir is a virgo

shrek: neither of those facts were fun

shrek: i ain't about that astrology shit

beeona: ok here's another fun fact

beeona: ladybug thinks chat's best physical attribute is the color of his eyes

shrek: that's a weird choice

beeona: idc i love her

beeona: holy shit nino i just got the best fcukign idea

beeona: WHAT IF I INVITED LB&CN FOR A SLEEPOVER

shrek: holy zamboni

shrek: YES

beeona: ADRIEN

beeona: HELP A SISTER OUT

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 8:12 am

 

large baguette: I'm sold

short stack: what would we do the entire night

large baguette: idk but imagine how much alya would freak

large baguette: IMAGINE TRUTH OR DARE

large baguette: AND YOU PRETENDING YOU DIDNT KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME

short stack: hey now

short stack: i don't know EVERYTHING about you

large baguette: You had my entire schedule at one point

short stack: oh come on

short stack: anyways i'll do it

large baguette: <333

 

petty squad, 8:15 am

 

large baguette: they say yes

beeona: MY LONGEST YEAH BOY EVER

beeona: the question is

beeona: will you three come

large baguette: I have a photoshoot, sorry :((

shrek: i have hw

short stack: me too

beeona: i hate all of you

beeona: ME AND LADYBUG AND CHAT CAN HAVE A FUN TIME ON OUR OWN

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 8:25 am

 

short stack: do you think i could just

short stack: change my screen name and message alya under that

short stack: so she'd think she would be communicating w ladybug

large baguette: then you would show up as ladybug in the group chat too

short stack: a a a a

short stack: will u transform and call her from your baton 

large baguette: Now???

large baguette: I can think of at least 10 reasons why that wouldn't work

short stack: name em

large baguette: 1. school starts in 15 minutes  
2\. alya would be able to tell that i'm in the agreste mansion   
3\. she would want to know why i'm calling her to begin with  
4\. what would i even say to her  
5\. she'd realize where i am based on my area code  
6\. or just my phone number she could probably figure out who am by looking me up on whitepages or whatever  
7\. i'd need to transform and plagg would yell at me for doing it when it's not an emergency  
8\. nathalie might come into my room while i did that and find me out  
9\. alya has probably already left for school  
10\. my dad would hear me on the phone with someone and get rly suspicious 

short stack: u win this round m agreste

short stack: see you at school babe

 

petty squad, 5:03 pm

 

beeona: ADRIEN TELL CHAT NOIR AND LADYBUG TO COME OVER

large baguette: They want to know if they should bring anything

beeona: toothbrushes

beeona: a sense of humor

beeona: onesies if they feel like it

large baguette: Thank

beeona: WELC

 

beeona: HOLY FUCK THEYRE HERE

beeona: NINO DO YOU WANT ME TO LIVETEXT THIS

shrek: aren't you doing a livestream anyways

beeona: YE BUT THIS IS LIKE MORE INTIMATE

shrek: whatever floats your boat babe

beeona: YAy

beeona: rip @ adrien for his dumb photoshoot

beeona: and marinettes dumb homework

beeona: she isn't even online??

shrek: are you gonna let chat n ladybug in or

beeona: RIGHT SORRY

beeona: THEYRE WEARING ONESIES OF EACH OTHER THIS IS TOO CUTE IM DYINGN

beeona: do you think i could give em 20€ for a game of spin the bottle

shrek: i'd pay to see that too

beeona: i gotta check the chat on my livestream 2 see what the viewers want

beeona: no they want spin the bottle too

beeona: chat n ladybug say they will only play spin the bottle after dinner rip

beeona: i'm gonna make them play clue w me

shrek: clue??

shrek: that's so lame

beeona: UR lame

beeona: well what do you suggest babe

shrek: capture the flag

beeona: not inside the HOUSE

beeona: maybe i can get em to play scrabble

shrek: i'm gonna mute the chat

beeona: :0

beeona: you don't want to stay updated on scrabble???

shrek: ..

beeona: holy fuck chat noir is good at scrabble 

beeona: he just got 56 points for putting down the word "extra"

beeona: the x was on a triple letter and the word was a double word score

shrek: truly fascinating

beeona: CHAT IS SO GOOD AT THIS

beeona: WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS

beeona: WHAT THE FUCC

 

beeona: well

beeona: chat won scrabble by 231 points

shrek: lmao

beeona: in my defense

beeona: ...

beeona: yeah i got nothing this kids a genius 

beeona: i had bad tiles ok

shrek: keep telling yourself that

beeona: ITS DINNERTIME I GOTTA PAUSE THE LIVESTREAM BBL

beeona: my mom made spaghetti omg we hAVE SUPERHEROES OVER

shrek: isn't she a world class chef

beeona: YES

beeona: oh the spaghetti was a precursor 2 the real deal

beeona: i'm yellign 

beeona: she designed their plates like lil ladybugs and chats?? aww

beeona: my mom is the real mvp 

beeona: she made lb&cn cupcakes aah

beeona: ladybug has red velvet and chat has chocolate 

beeona: THEYRE SHARING THE CUPCKAES

beeona: ok but that's how you get the flu

beeona: well they're already kissing n shit i guess one cupcake doesn't matter

beeona: we're playing spin the bottle are you gonna join the stream

shrek: sure

beeona: I LOVE U BABE

shrek: alya stop moving the bottle after its landed 

shrek: if ladybug kisses u she kisses u

beeona: NO

beeona: I SHALL ALTER FATE

shrek: smh

 

beeona: WELL SHE KISSED ME AFTER ALL SO WHOS THE REAL WINNER HERE

shrek: yes i'm sorry babe

beeona: DAMN STRAIGHT

beeona: gay*

shrek: do you have to do that every time

beeona: ofc

 

beeona: WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW

 

beeona: HOLY FUCK ITS THE GUNCH

shrek: is gabriel agreste inside your house???

beeona: DSGSGD NO

beeona: THERES AN AKUMA

beeona: IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS

shrek: you're not even christian

shrek: we live in the city-est city in paris

beeona: ITS A FIGURE OF SPEECH

beeona: i'm gonna pause the livestream again bc ladybug and chat already left

shrek: just stream it from your camera

shrek: i wanna see chat and ladybug fighting in their onesies

beeona: SHIT GOOD IDEA

beeona: hey look the akuma is a failed movie script pitcher 

beeona: i hope their movie will get accepted into hollywood someday

shrek: if it's a french movie

shrek: why would they go to HOLLYWOOD to produce it

beeona: maybe it's just their dream idk

shrek: what was their movie about 

beeona: ???? IDK ¿¿¿¿

shrek: the upside down exclamation mark actually goes before the word

beeona: SHUT

beeona: DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW SPANISH

shrek: spanish is great what are you talking about

shrek: eres una pendeja

beeona: I LVOE YOU TOO

shrek: puedo escribar en español para molestarte

shrek: that probably wasn't right 

beeona: CHAT JUST SLAM DUNKED THE AKUMA OUT OF THE AIR

beeona: this is very amusing to watch

beeona: it might've looked cool but he's wearing a ladybug onesie

shrek: i think that only makes him look more cool

beeona: shit u right 

beeona: did... he just do an anime fight combo

beeona: chat noir confirmed for weeaboo

shrek: ok but YOU recognized it

beeona: SHUT THE UP IT WAS A FAMOUS ONE

shrek: which one was it

beeona: idk something from dragon ball z

shrek: iconic

beeona: o boi they got the akuma

beeona: fun's over

shrek: what would happen if an akuma actually did get the miraculouses tho

beeona: everyone would die

shrek: oh

shrek: really

beeona: no i have no idea

beeona: well for one we'd all know who they were

beeona: which would be great

beeona: but also not

beeona: bc there's a REASON their identities are secret

shrek: you're the one who wants to find them out tho

beeona: ye but i'd be NICE abt it

beeona: not like those other nasty reporters

beeona: screw them im the alpha reporter 

shrek: more like alphalya

beeona: lmao

beeona: ok now we're playing truth or dare do you want updates

shrek: ofc

beeona: chat asked ladybug if she loved him what a fuckin nerd

beeona: now he's makin g dumb puns

shrek: off topic but look @ this bop

shrek: https://youtu.be/Jw7ZbVVafGM

shrek: i could listen to this all day

beeona: same wtf

beeona: i'm changing my youtube playlist from seth everman to that

shrek: what's seth everman

beeona: CHRISTMAS 64

shrek: CHRISTMAS WAS A MONTH AGO

beeona: SHUT THIS ALBUM IS A JAM

beeona: CHRISTMAS VIDEO GAME MUSIC

beeona: my actual playlist was like jagged stone and stuff

beeona: bc chat noir likes classical and hard rock

beeona: and ladybug likes rock and aesthetic relaxing music

shrek: chat likes classical and rock??

beeona: mhm

beeona: he plays the piano so he likes classical

beeona: and he likes jagged stone

beeona: they both like jagged stone

shrek: how convenient

beeona: ikr

beeona: ladybug's dare for me is to let chat post ANYTHING onto the ladyblog from my phone oh boy

 

beeona: look at this dumbass thing he posted

beeona has sent you a link.

shrek: what the fuck

beeona: it's a new copypasta

shrek: is that... self written chat noir x reader fanfiction

shrek: will you send it here so i can copy it

beeona: omg

beeona: You can't get him off your head. His gleaming smile, complete with cute fangs, haunts your memories. His laugh makes you shudder with delight. You wish you'd never let him go to begin with, because he's captured your heart.

You can't wait for the next akuma, because you don't care how much destruction needs to be caused in order to see him again. You yearn for the sight of his lemony green eyes and the feeling of his arms wrapped around your waist.

The akuma strikes a day later and you're prepared. Chat Noir always heads from the west, and you're ready to intercept him.

You stop him as he sexily claws his way across the building tops, calling his name. He finally notices you and slides down some random roof.

"Don't tell me you don't remember me, Chat Noir," you purr.

"Can't say I do," he murmurs breathily. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I just saw you around and I couldn't help stopping you to say hi," you lie. "It must be hard work, stopping those akumas. Wouldn't you like to take a little break?" You flick his bell playfully.

"I don't know..." he frets. "Ladybug will be counting on me to help her. I can't just abandon her..."

"You can just this once," you purrsuade him. "Aren't I important, too?"

He licks his lips, and sighs. "Maybe just this once..."

You grab his tail and pull him towards you. "Can't you excite me, kitty? Give me something I won't expect."

"Something you won't expect, huh?" He ruffles his hair and frowns. "How about this?"

He gives you a quick but oh-so-sweet kiss, on the lips, and that trademark devilish grin graces his face.

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but I really must help Ladybug," he explains, and bounds back to the Akuma, leaving you intoxicated with his minty fresh aroma and soft lips.

You've only gotten a little taste, and you're already hooked.

shrek: true art

shrek: jokes aside he's actually a pretty good writer

beeona: nino are you serious

shrek: don't get me wrong this fanfiction is hella weird

shrek: but he has good word flow and grammar

shrek: if he weren't writing about .. that

shrek: it'd be pretty great

beeona: omg

beeona: ladybug is facepalming and chat regrets nothing

beeona: WHAT SHOULD I DARE CHAT TO DO

shrek: make him delete his fanfiction 

beeona: OMG NO IM NOT THAT CRUEL

beeona: i'm gonna tell him to call hawkmoth again

shrek: do you think it'll work if hawkmoth's not transformed

beeona: idk but i hope so

beeona: ladybug's pulling up the fitnessgram pacer test copypasta omg

beeona: chats reading it in the blandest and most uninterested monotone i'm cackling 

beeona: IM FUCKFG YELLIHG

beeona: HAWKMTOH ACTUALLY PICKED UP AGAIN

beeona: AN D HE SAID

beeona: "DONT TALK TO ME OR MY SON EVER AGAIN"

beeona: I CANT BEELIEVE HAWKMOTH IS A FILTHY MEMEFUCKER

shrek: today was wild

beeona: they finally stopped cracking up

beeona: i'm lov them so much 

beeona: i'm would die for them

shrek: relatable 

beeona: an actual exchange b/w these dorks  
chat: my lady  
ladybug: what is it nerd  
chat: my lady do you know how i become chat noir  
ladybug: how do you become chat noir  
chat: i TRANS-form  
chat: do you get it??? my lady i TRANSform. it's funny bc i'm trans  
ladybug: absolutely hilarious

shrek: omg

shrek: that's adorable 

beeona: ladybug's trying not to smile but I SEE RIGHT THRU HER

beeona: she finally caved

beeona: good for her

beeona: the entire fuckign livestream chat is just requests for them to kiss again

beeona: Calm Thyselves

shrek: thy is only used for singular

shrek: thou is singular/informal you and you is plural/formal you

shrek: like tu and vous

beeona: why do you know this

beeona: what a nerd

shrek: i like linguistics

beeona: this ain't 16whatever shakespeare is dead get with the times

shrek: WHAT, YOU EGG

shrek: YOUNG FRY OF TREACHERY

beeona: it's too bad that i don't get that reference

beeona: it might've been funny otherwise

shrek: >:(

beeona: anyways

beeona: chat stole my ukulele and played ladybug a song 

shrek: what was it

beeona: idk some sappy love song

beeona: she liked it though so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

beeona: y r they always kissing 

beeona: what if one of them has mono

shrek: are these the things you think about

beeona: absolutely 

beeona: it's only 9 and they're already cuddling on my couch GROSS

shrek: u eat this stuff up

beeona: DAMN RIGHT I DO

beeona: I LIVE OFF OF LADYNOIR

beeona: these dorks i s2g

beeona: they're already asleep n chat is purring

beeona: should i draw mustaches on them

shrek: NO

beeona: what if it's not in permanent marker

shrek: WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD YOU DO IT IN PERMANENT MARKER

beeona: they'd look very stylish

beeona: ok here's the plan: 

beeona: i give chat a haircut

shrek: NO

beeona: but they're SLEEPING 

shrek: PUT A BLANKET ON THEM OR SOMETHING

beeona: LAME

beeona: what if we did a cuddle pile

beeona: me and chat have matching ladybug onesies

shrek: that'd be adorable

beeona: ye but they look so happy and they're sleepin hekc

beeona: ok well i'm gonna send them ugly snapchats and then go to bed

shrek: what a wild night

shrek: in bed at 9:45

beeona: oh they're definitely going to wake up later

shrek: how do you know??

beeona: trust me

 

11:57

 

beeona: ITS 12AM AND CHAT IS OFF THE FUCKIN WALLS

beeona: I FOUND A LASER POINTER

shrek: BABE NO THATS A BAD IDEA

beeona: I KNOW BUT HES HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE

beeona: OH GOD

beeona: I FLICKED IT UP TOO HIGH AND HE CRASHED INTO MY CEILING FAN

shrek: IS HE OKAY

beeona: HES FINE OMG

beeona: can't say the same for my ceiling fan though

beeona: rip

shrek: what does ladybug think

beeona: i can't tell if she's worried or amused

beeona: babe

beeona: babe guess what

beeona: babe i found catnip

shrek: NO

shrek: ALYA DONT DO THIS

beeona: TOO LATE

beeona: HE LOVES IT

beeona: OH NO

beeona: HES ROLLIMG AROUND THE CARPET

shrek: ALYA WHY DO I ASSOCIATE WITH YOU

beeona: BC YOU LOVE ME

beeona: ALSO THIS IS HILARIOUS

beeona has sent you a video.

shrek: ok that's pretty funny but STILL

shrek: isn't that illegal 

beeona: HOW

shrek: IDK ITS A DRUG FOR CATS

beeona: OK BUT HES A HUMAN

shrek: YOURE MISSING THE POINT

beeona: he's finally done with his catnip rush

beeona: TIME FOR THE LASER POINTER AGAIN

shrek: B A B E

shrek: NO FOR THE LOVE OF KANYE

beeona: HES STILL NOT WORN OUT

shrek: HES GONNA HATE YOU TOMORROW

beeona: I DONT THINK ABOUT THAT

beeona: IT DISTRACTS FROM THE NOW

shrek: YOU USED THAT QUOTE WRONG

beeona: IDC THIS IS GREAT

 

7:16 am

 

beeona: i forgot it was a school night

beeona: i bet chat hates me

shrek: THATS WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU

beeona: oops

beeona: thanks for being there in spirit 

shrek: <3

large baguette: wowza

large baguette: that sounds like quite a night alya

beeona: it was great

beeona: was your dumb photoshoot as boring as it sounds

large baguette: Yes

large baguette: being a model is hard :'(

short stack: rip in pieces

beeona: MARINETTE

beeona: HOW WAS YOUR DUMB HOMEWORK

short stack: boring and hard

short stack: i actually tuned into the livestream at one point

short stack: looked interesting

beeona: omg what did you see

short stack: chat noir decimating you and lb at scrabble

short stack: chat noir's self x reader fanfiction

short stack: spin the bottle

beeona: all very important events

beeona: anyways see you at school my loves <333

short stack: see ya babe <3

shrek: bye alya <3

large baguette: <3

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 8:04 am

 

short stack: ok but why are you so good at scrabble

short stack: what the fuck babe

large baguette: :3c

short stack: remind me to never play scrabble with you again

large baguette: 3:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa this was kind of rushed but i hope you all liked it <33333


	8. everyone is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya has an existential crisis and Adrien can't stop using cat emoticons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been a few days since i updated... SORRY
> 
> (btw THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR NICE COMMENTS i'm utterly blessed... you are such wonderful readers and every time i see you wrote something i just go !!!! PEOPLE LIKE THE THING so YEAH thanks so much for leaving reviews <33)
> 
> like i said before i don't want to drag this out forever so. maybe 2 more chapters and then we're done?? idk we'll see

2:34 am

beeona: what do you think the meaning of life is

beeona: do you think it's ladynoir

beeona: i think it's ladynoir

large baguette: alya i love you but

large baguette: please go to sleep

beeona: what's that

beeona: i don't know her

large baguette: why are you thinking about the meaning of life at 2:30 am

beeona: i'm just realizing things

beeona: we're so insignificant in the grand scheme of things adrien 

beeona: we exist for such a short time as individuals

beeona: yet even the smallest and most trivial things we do make differences for millennia 

beeona: one thing leads to another and before you know it you indirectly caused a revolutionary breakthrough 

beeona: how can such a meaningless creature create such a vast difference between the way life is and the way life could be

beeona: do you ever think about this stuff adrien

large baguette: i mean yeah

large baguette: i guess

large baguette: i'm just surprised that you're having such a profound existential crisis

beeona: i'm cryign

beeona: I FOUND A BARRY B BENSON FIGURINE UNDER MY BED

beeona: everything in this universe has led up to this one experience

beeona: FHDGSDF HE LIGHTS UP

large baguette: what is happening

beeona: im having an epiphany

large baguette: what's your epiphany alya

beeona: doesn't matter how big of an impact u have on the world

beeona: the important thing is that you enjoy what you get out of it all

beeona: and what i'm getting out of it all

beeona: is that the bee movie should never have been marketed

large baguette: Ooooookay

large baguette: I think that's your signal to go to bed

beeona: DONT STOP ME NOW

beeona: DONT STOP ME CAUSE IM

beeona: havin a good time HAVIN A GOOD TIME

large baguette: please go to sleep alya

 

12:21 pm

 

beeona: GOOD MORNING YALL

shrek: it's not even morning 

beeona: shut the hell your mouth

beeona: i think i'm going to auction my barry b benson figurine on ebay

short stack: now why would you do that

beeona: i need Money

short stack: relatable

large baguette: just ask me for some

beeona: ACTUALLY I WONT AUCTION MY BARRY B BENSON FIGURE BC WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS AKUMATIZED OVER IT

shrek: babe

shrek: babe why in hell would someone get akumatized over a barry b benson figurine

beeona: people have gotten akumatized over PIGEONS nino

beeona: it's not unreasonable 

beeona: plus i certainly would if i weren't already lady wifi

large baguette: i'm pretty sure you can get akumatized into a different form

beeona: FUCK HAWKMOTH THEN

beeona: maybe i WILL get akumatized over my barry b benson figurine

short stack: that reminds me of a pickup line my friend told me

shrek: was the friend adrien

short stack: it was chat noir actually

 

PM between short stack and large baguette, 12:25 pm

 

large baguette: but marinette

large baguette: i AM chat noir

short stack: yeah but they don't know that

short stack: i think theyd get very suspicious of this pick-up line if i said you said it

short stack: adrien does not tell pick-up lines about barry b benson now does he

large baguette: what are you talking about

large baguette: adrien tells puns about eggs for hawkmoth's sake

large baguette: why not barry b benson

short stack: WHATEVER NERD

 

petty squad, 12:27 pm

 

short stack: "are you boron argon roentgenium boron beryllium nitrogen sulfur oxygen and nitrogen?????"

shrek: you listed boron and nitrogen multiple times

short stack: "bc you're BArRy B BeNSON <3"

shrek: OH

shrek: that'd be barrg b benson though

short stack: when you find an element whose symbol is ry come talk to me

short stack: i did not tell this pick-up line to be judged 

beeona: really?? cause it sure seems like it

shrek: OOOOOOOHHH

shrek: SHE DID #THAT

short stack: i hate you

beeona: <3 <3 <3

large baguette: dw marinette i can tell you some egg puns to heal your wounds

shrek: what's that about

short stack: he and i pm'd it's nothing

beeona: FINALLY

large baguette: We've actually pm'd a lot before

beeona: THEN WHY DID YOU PUT THE SAPPY STUFF IN THE MAIN CHAT

short stack: we like to watch you suffer

beeona: well it's working

beeona has changed their name to sufferer.

shrek: alya let's just go back to how on earth ANYONE could get akumatized over a barry b benson figurine

sufferer: no

short stack had changed their name to barry b.

barry b: #squadgoals

shrek: don't miss the fantastically interesting adventures of a bee who is an unapologetic homewrecker, a big piece of bread, Suffer, and shrek himself

barry b: i'd watch a movie about that

sufferer: marinette you're our artist

sufferer: will you storyboard it for us

barry b: do you think i have that kind of attention span

barry b: my hands hurt after drawing for half an hour i'm NOT BOARDING A WHOLE MOVIE

sufferer: you're no fun

barry b: well SORRY for avoiding tendonitis

barry b: artists get no respect these days :'(

barry b: hey do you think i'm good enough to open up commissions 

sufferer: ID BUY A MILLION THINGS FROM YOU MARI 

sufferer: if i had money that is

sufferer: I WILL SELL MY BARRY B BENSON FIGURINE TO BUY A MILLION DRAWINGS FROM YOU

barry b: while i appreciate the sentiment that'd probably take me years

sufferer: OKAY WELL HOWEVER MANY THINGS YOURE COMFORTABLE DRAWING <333

large baguette: i mean i'd commission you marinette so i think certainly 

shrek: you're a very good artist i agree

barry b: thank

barry b: i'm would die for you

barry b: and by the way adrien

barry b: please don't ask me under a screen name for ladynoir nsfw

large baguette: MARINETTE WHO DO YOU THINK I AM

large baguette: THATS GROSS

large baguette: i will stick to fluffy ladynoir kisses thank you very much

sufferer: i'm gonna commission barry b benson

barry b: please don't 

sufferer: how about sharkboy and lavagirl 

barry b: listen i appreciate your commitment to the memes but

sufferer: commemement

barry b: would you rly pay me to draw that

sufferer: you doubt my priorities marinette

barry b: i'm

barry b: why do i even bother with you three

large baguette: You bother with me because you love me

barry b: debatable

large baguette: :3

barry b: you're pushing it adrien

large baguette: >;3

barry b: YOURE REALLY PUSHING IT ADRIEN

sufferer: you love hearing abt my ladybug endeavors don't lie 

sufferer: also i'm great have you met me

barry b: nino what's your defense

shrek: i'm nino

shrek: i have the sickest of beats and coolest of slang

shrek: what else do you want from me

barry b: ... i'll allow it

barry b: i find you all not guilty of abusing my precious friendship

large baguette: YAY 

sufferer: what now judge marinette

barry b: adrien is accused of using too many cat emoticons 

barry b: defendant, please call in your first witness

large baguette: Can i choose myself

barry b: i'll allow it.. begrudgingly

large baguette: well

large baguette: for all you know, those characters i was typing were arranged like that to resemble ancient runes

barry b: i must remind you that you are under oath

barry b: why the hell would you try to be typing in ancient runes

large baguette: i'm not even under oath

barry b: answer the question

large baguette: alright fine

large baguette: i plead guilty :3

barry b: jury?

sufferer: oh are we the jury

barry b: yes

sufferer: yeah he's guilty

sufferer: nino he's guilty right

shrek: yes

barry b: i proclaim the defendant to be guilty

barry b: your sentence is

barry b: being called a furry

large baguette: i don't deserve this

large baguette: let's end judge marinette

barry b: NO i'm having fun

sufferer: WHATS YOUR NEXT CASE JUDGE MARINETTE

barry b: i'm hungry so no cases now

large baguette: can i come over and eat with you ? :3

barry b: adrien STOP

barry b: or i will double your sentence

large baguette: how will you do that

barry b: i'll prevent you from ever eating at the boulangerie ever again

large baguette: you wouldn't DARE

barry b: YOURE ON PROBATION MR AGRESTE

large baguette: ALRIGHT FINE MESSAGE RECEIVED

sufferer: nice steven universe reference

sufferer: mari do you wanna come over though 

barry b: no i'm hungry

barry b: invite nino

shrek: i'm remixing a song sorry

large baguette: which song are you remixing?

shrek: classified

sufferer: it's a meme isn't it

shrek: possibly

large baguette: mari i'm coming over

sufferer: oh okay so HE gets to come over but not me is that it

barry b: no neither of you are

barry b: i'm drawing and this chat is distracting me enough as is

sufferer: MUTE

barry b: IT IS MUTED

barry b: I JUST KEEP CHECKING IT IN CASE I MISS SOMETHING

large baguette: what are you drawing mari ? :3

barry b: adrien

barry b: please

barry b: stop 

barry b: using

barry b: cat 

barry b: emoticons

barry b: for

barry b: the 

barry b: love

barry b: of

barry b: hawkmoth

sufferer: okay but what ARE you drawing

barry b: classified

shrek: marinette will you tell ME

barry b: state your claim

shrek: i'm great

barry b: i'll allow it

 

PM between barry b and shrek, 1:09 pm

 

barry b has sent you a photo.

shrek: hoyl HECK

shrek: wowza you're so talented????

barry b: thank you nino <33

shrek: is that chat though 

barry b: yes

shrek: ... holding a rose between his teeth

barry b: he's stylish

shrek: aight marinette whatever floats your boat

barry b: thank you for your support nino

shrek: anytime

 

petty squad, 1:10 pm

 

large baguette: so what WAS IT

shrek: classified

large baguette: I HATE YOU NINO

shrek: ily2 bro

 

2:23 am

 

barry b: I FINALLY FINISHED COLORING

barry b: oh it's 2am

barry b: i should probably stop doing that

 

10:41 am

 

large baguette: Wtf marinette were you coloring for 13 hours

barry b: uhh

barry b: well

barry b: i took a seven hour tumblr break but

barry b: i guess yeah

barry b: i spent probably like 2 hours actually coloring

barry b: the rest was procrastinating

large baguette: that's kind of impressive but at the same time

large baguette: are you okay

barry b: no

barry b: absolutely not

sufferer: YOU GUYS

sufferer: SOMEONE SUBMITTED A PIECE OF CHAT NOIR FANART TO THE LADYBLOG IM SOBBING

large baguette: wait i thought you can always see who sent it even if it's on anonymous ??

sufferer: oh no that's just comments

sufferer: i have literally no way of knowing who drew this

sufferer: but i'm impressed

large baguette: What's in it

sufferer: chat noir holding a flower between his teeth

large baguette: omg can i see

sufferer: ofc

sufferer has sent you a link.

sufferer: my favorite part is how WELL it's drawn

sufferer: what a command of colors

sufferer: this person probably had a SHIT ton of refs .. how did they get it so accurate

 

PM between barry b and shrek, 10:53 am

 

shrek: can i please tell her

barry b: absolutely not

barry b: this is utterly hilarious

shrek: omg marinette

 

petty squad, 10:55 am

 

sufferer: whoever this is i wanna hug them

large baguette: omg

sufferer: marinette can i come over today if you're done with your art

barry b: if you want to i guess

barry b: do you think there will be any akumas today

sufferer: is marinette going to get akumatized

barry b: if i did get akumatized it'd be bc i drew on the wrong layer too many times

large baguette: if i were ever akumatized i'd 

large baguette: um

large baguette: idk actually

shrek: you're too cute to be akumatized 

large baguette: not sure that's how it works but

large baguette: ok

barry b: yeah just look at manon

barry b: or alya

barry b: or nino

barry b: all very cute

shrek: no but dude your PERSONALITY is cute

large baguette: thanks bro

barry b: but actually adrien is pretty scary when he gets angry

sufferer: when has adrien ever gotten angry

sufferer: lil ball of sunshine 

sufferer: i've never even heard him raise his voice

sufferer: did you guys argue or something??

barry b: no omg

barry b: that's never happened

large baguette: um

large baguette: we argue EVERY DAY

large baguette: yesterday we were arguing about cat emoticons

barry b: that's bickering babe

barry b: arguing is like actual yelling

 

PM between barry b and large baguette, 11:19 am

 

large baguette: when have i ever gotten angry in front of you though??

barry b: it was as chat

large baguette: OH

large baguette: chats not scary he's just a goof

barry b: um

barry b: well for starters

barry b: you said some pretty nasty things when you were hit by kim's arrow on valentine's day

large baguette: BUT YOU KNOW I DDINT MEAN THEM

large baguette: THAT WASNT ME

barry b: yes i know

barry b: it's hard to imagine you ever being willingly cruel to me

large baguette: Then when have i gotten angry ? I'm very confused

barry b: you've gotten pretty hissy with some akumas

barry b: ESPECIALLY when they threaten my safety

barry b: there was this one akuma that you thought actually physically harmed me 

barry b: and the look on your face was

barry b: well

barry b: let's just say if i had been the akuma i would've BOLTED

barry b: i'd never seen you so angry before i was scared for myself even

large baguette: OH NO

large baguette: ID NEVER HURT YOU

barry b: i know <3

barry b: but you just put off such seethingly furious vibes that i was scared for anyone that crossed your path at all

barry b: you were real powerful but in a dangerous way

barry b: i barely recognized you

large baguette: aaaa

large baguette: this is making me feel guilty

large baguette: I PROMISE ID NEVER EVER HARM ANYONE AND ESPECIALLY NOT YOU 

large baguette: EVEN IF IT SEEMED THAT WAY

barry b: omg i know don't worry about it

barry b: you're so pure oh my gosh 

barry b: i was just telling you that when you ARE angry

barry b: like really REALLY angry

barry b: THEN you can be scary

barry b: but i've only seen that happen once 

barry b: ur just a cinnamon roll babe

barry b: alya's right i haven't even heard you raise your voice other than that

barry b: i mean sometimes you yell at akumas to taunt them but

barry b: you're the sweetest and most mild-mannered child i know

barry b: i envy your temperament sometimes

large baguette: I have a secret actually 

barry b: (eye emoji)

large baguette: i can get pissed pretty easily 

large baguette: like when someone shows off or acts selfishly and i just want to scream WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US

large baguette: but my dad hates when i develop an attitude so i got good at bottling it up

barry b: wow

barry b: i didn't know that

large baguette: :3

barry b: you're blocked

large baguette: MARINETTE NO

large baguette: COME BACK

barry b: NOPE

barry b: THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW

 

petty squad, 2:25 pm

 

sufferer: THERES AN AKUMA HECK YECK

sufferer: time to see my LOVES

sufferer: i'm gonna invite them to a café once they're done

sufferer: does anyone know where the akuma is

large baguette: I'm pretty sure it's one of the staff here actually 

sufferer: YOU MEAN THE AKUMA IS IN YOUR HOUSE

large baguette: Yep

sufferer: DO YOU MIND IF I COME IN TO CAPTURE IT

large baguette: Nope

sufferer: CAN I RECORD YOU IN MY VIDEO

large baguette: sorry i'm not gonna be there

large baguette: my dad's actually evacuating me

sufferer: BUT DO YOU WANNA HELP ME FILM IT

large baguette: I wish i could

large baguette: but my dad won't want me anywhere near it

large baguette: sorry ;-;

sufferer: THATS OK ILL FILM IT FOR YOU AND ITLL BE LIKE YOURE THERE

sufferer: WHAT THE FUCK 

sufferer: CHAT NOIRS ALREADY HERE????

sufferer: WHERES LADYBUG

sufferer: OH THERE SHE IS

sufferer: this akuma is wild

sufferer: i bet it was caused bc adrien's dad is a douche

sufferer: hey nino do you think i should go inside adrien's room

shrek: is the akuma there??

sufferer: no i'm just curious 

shrek: don't go in unless you have to

sufferer: you're no fun

sufferer: *hacker voice* i'm in

sufferer: what to heck

sufferer: adrien aren't you in a relationship

sufferer: why is ladybug ALL OVER YOUR WALLS AND COMPUTER

shrek: alya aren't you supposed to be recording the fight for the ladyblog

sufferer: IM JUST TAKIN A QUICK PEEK

sufferer: i'll have to come back here later

sufferer: HOLY FUCK

sufferer: CHAT NOIR TAPPED MY SHOULDER N I TURNED AROUND BUT I ALMOSF SCREAMED

sufferer: he an ladybug are camping out here until the akuma finds them and then they're gonna spring a trap on the akuma

shrek: sounds like fun

sufferer: ladybug thinks the décor is very amusing 

shrek: i can't possibly imagine why

sufferer: they're making a blanket fort???

sufferer: i want in

sufferer: update: they're kissing inside the blanket fort

sufferer: they do not seem to care that i'm here

sufferer: they're so coupley and gross i love them

sufferer: AKUMA IS HERE

shrek: what's this one about 

sufferer: idk bedsheets or something

shrek: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

sufferer: ninO PLS

sufferer: i actually have no idea

sufferer: who the fuck knows with these things

sufferer: chat noir is covered in lipstick stains

sufferer: he seems kinda distracted tbh

shrek: oh geez i wonder why

sufferer: no need to be salty, mr sarcasm

shrek has changed their name to mr sarcasm.

sufferer: SHE RUINED THE BLANKET FORT

mr sarcasm: i thought you were going to say she ruined my dream journal

sufferer: tone back the memes a bit there

mr sarcasm: this coming from the meme queen

mr sarcasm: who found a barry b benson figurine under her bed

sufferer: ....

sufferer: ok that's fair

sufferer: chat got rly angry at the akuma for wrecking the blanket fort

sufferer: he's trying to use his cataclysm on her laundry basket

mr sarcasm: is it working

sufferer: no

sufferer: ladybug's lucky charm is a blue plastic hairbrush

mr sarcasm: she should pull a rachel elizabeth dare and throw it in the akuma's eye

sufferer: THE AKUMA IS KRONOS

sufferer: ok so if rachel is ladybug then who's chat

mr sarcasm: oh boy here we go

sufferer: i think ladybug is actually annabeth and chat is percy

mr sarcasm: why is that

sufferer: chat has sea green eyes and likes dumb jokes

sufferer: but he's incredibly powerful

mr sarcasm: alya you're hazel

sufferer: HECK YECk

sufferer: then you're frank

mr sarcasm: nice

mr sarcasm: percy jackson aus aside 

mr sarcasm: what did ladybug do with the brush

sufferer: she chucked it at the akuma's head and it stuck

sufferer: akuma has very curly hair

sufferer: i'm jealous tbh

mr sarcasm: of what

sufferer: this goddamn HAIR

sufferer: it's so bouncy and has such nice gold highlights

sufferer: my hair is nice but u gotta see this nino i'm yellign

sufferer: anyways the brush distracted her long enough for chat to swoop in and destroy the basket

sufferer: WHAT THE FUCK HER HAIR LOOKS EVEN BETTER AS A CIVILIAN??

sufferer: i'm gonna ask her how she keeps it so nice

mr sarcasm: alya i love you and your priorities

sufferer: SHE DOESNT EVEN PUT ANYTHING IN JT???

sufferer: IM SHOOK

sufferer: THIS GIRL IS A GODDESS

sufferer: ok now that the akuma is defeated i'm probably trespassing on private property so IM GONNA GO

 

large baguette: too bad that i missed that akuma

large baguette: sounded like a good time

sufferer: question: why is your dad so lame

large baguette: he's scared he'll lose me too so he acts like i'm close to dying at any given moment

large baguette: which to be fair

large baguette: i am

barry b: why are you close to dying at any given moment adrien

large baguette: tired

mr sarcasm: same

sufferer: adrien pls tell me why your room is full of ladybug stuff

large baguette: don't act like YOUR room ISN'T

sufferer: okay but i run a blog about her followed by more than a million people

sufferer: what's your excuse

large baguette: i'm love her

sufferer: i'm surprised marinette hasn't gotten jealous abt that

barry b: i mean ladybug is pretty great after all

barry b: adrien could probably get mad at me for thinking chat noir is cute 

barry b: but we both understand they're like celebrity crushes

sufferer: ohohoho so you think chat noir is cute do you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

barry b: ...

barry b: is he NOT

mr sarcasm: no offense alya but you'd kind of have to be blind to not think chat noir is cute

sufferer: maybe you two should be dating chat noir and ladybug if you like em so much lmao

 

PM between barry b and large baguette, 3:18 pm

 

large baguette: ...

large baguette: Can i please tell her

barry b: adrien NO

barry b: it's so much funnier this way

large baguette: sighs 

large baguette: FINE

large baguette: it is kind of hilarious

large baguette: it's like seeing her repeatedly trip over the same stumbling block

barry b: i feel so bad for not doing anything but at the same time

barry b: this is so great

 

petty squad, 3:19 pm

 

large baguette: i suppose you're right

large baguette: maybe i should ask out ladybug on a date or something

sufferer: you'd cheat on your own girlfriend??

large baguette: marinette doesn't mind

large baguette: right marinette

barry b: no i don't mind

barry b: but i get to go out w chat then

large baguette: deal

barry b: deal

sufferer: wild

sufferer: take pictures

 

PM between barry b and large baguette, 3:25 pm

 

large baguette: Wanna meet me at the Eiffel

barry b: sure

barry b: who's transformed

large baguette: idc

large baguette: do you want to

barry b: sure why not

barry b: i'll carry you up

large baguette: But won't there be tourists rn

barry b: good point

barry b: it closes at 11pm

barry b: meet me then

large baguette: Coolio :3

barry b: ...

barry b: that's it

barry b: the date is cancelled

large baguette: NOOOOOOOO

large baguette: I CAN CHANGE

barry b: you need cat emoticon rehab or some shit

barry b: i swear 2 god

 

petty squad, 5:42 pm

 

sufferer: TEACHER POSTED OUR GRADES ONLINE

sufferer: I GOT A 92 ON THE CHEM TEST????

sufferer: IM THE NEXT EINSTEIN HOLY HECK

large baguette: That's great! I'm proud of you alya!!

sufferer: psh you probably got 100 

sufferer: but for those of us who aren't geniuses 92 is pretty good

large baguette: I actually didn't do so well

sufferer: you did better than me didn't you though 

large baguette: nope

large baguette: i was so out of it that day that i actually got 90 on this test

large baguette: whatever it's still an A

barry b: i can't believe 90 is a bad grade for you

large baguette: My dad has it through his head that i'm a genius

large baguette: so he made nathalie teach me a bunch of advanced stuff

large baguette: then again school takes everything SUPER slow

mr sarcasm: omg i know

mr sarcasm: have any of you used duolingo

sufferer: why would you willingly learn another language

sufferer: i have enough trouble in english

sufferer: fuck english

sufferer: IM STILL SO SALTY THAT BREAD AND SAID RHYME

sufferer: THEY SHOULD SOUND LIKE BREED AND SAY-D

sufferer: AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE WORD WEDNESDAY

sufferer: OR THOUGHT

sufferer: OR COLONEL

sufferer: FUCKING COLONEL

sufferer: EVEN SOME ENGLISH SPEAKERS THINK COLONEL IS PRONOUNCED LIKE COH-LOH-NELL

barry b: yes english is bullshit we know

large baguette: Wait how is colonel actually pronounced then???

mr sarcasm: it sounds exactly like kernel

large baguette: What to heck ????

sufferer: I KNOW RIGHT

mr sarcasm: by the way alya learning languages is FUN

mr sarcasm: until you have to do it for a grade

sufferer: i got a 68 on my last english test

sufferer: fuck english

barry b: i got a 71 on that one

barry b: i kept mixing up word order

barry b: oh god can you imagine how horrible english would be with genders

mr sarcasm: cursed concept

sufferer: in my defense

sufferer: english is like barely a language

barry b: i should've chosen german tbh

sufferer: i personally am glad that i took english bc i can communicate with anglophone friends like that

sufferer: but at what cost my dude

large baguette: A fun fact:

large baguette: It takes on average 2000 hours to learn German

large baguette: 1500 hours to learn English

large baguette: 1000 hours to learn any romance language

large baguette: and 150 hours to learn esperanto

large baguette: for native french speakers that is

large baguette: which we are

sufferer: WHAT THE FUCK

sufferer: SHIT SON YOU COULD BE FLUENT IN ESPERANTO IN ONE SEMESTER

sufferer: WHY DOESNT SCHOOL OFFER THAT

large baguette: bc it's not as applicable as english or german

large baguette: they're expecting that you might visit switzerland or belgium or other countries that speak french, german, and english

mr sarcasm: wait adrien which language are YOU taking

large baguette: mandarin!

mr sarcasm: right i knew that

sufferer: gosh darnit adrien why do you have to be good at EVERYTHING

large baguette: ;)

large baguette: But the reason I sent that comparison is bc english is supposedly actually easier than german

sufferer: tell that to my B- in english

large baguette: and more people speak it anyways

sufferer: doesn't mean i'm less salty about how STUPID english is

mr sarcasm: anyways back to duolingo

mr sarcasm: my family said we were going to britain for a vacation so i used duolingo to learn some english

mr sarcasm: and bc i really wanted to know my shit once we were there i crammed rly fast for a month

mr sarcasm: and then once we came back from the trip i took a test online to see how much english i'd learned

mr sarcasm: it was about an entire class's worth

mr sarcasm: like a whole year

mr sarcasm: learned in one month

sufferer: wowza

mr sarcasm: school takes everything hecka slow

sufferer: so THATS why you have an a in english 

mr sarcasm: mhm

barry b: everyone's a polyglot genius and i'm over here crying bc i mess up in my own language sometimes

barry b: the other day i forgot the word for spoon

barry b: i called it a "concave knife"

sufferer: omg

sufferer: but s a m e

 

PM between barry b and large baguette, 10:51 pm

barry b: meet me at the eiffel in 10?

large baguette: of course, my lady ;3

barry b: ADRIEN

large baguette: SORRY SORRY

 

petty squad, 11:08 pm

 

large baguette: guess who's on a date with ladybug

sufferer: WAIT HOLY SHIT REALLY

large baguette: she's showing me the view from the top of the eiffel

sufferer: will you give the phone to her

large baguette: hello you're alya right -LB

sufferer: yes

sufferer: and mr sarcasm is nino

sufferer: WHY ARE YOU OUT WITH ADRIEN THOUGH

sufferer: ISNT CHAT YOUR BF

large baguette: he used too many cat emoticons so he's grounded -LB

sufferer: o mg

sufferer: that sounds like another certain blond kid we know

mr sarcasm: lmao

large baguette: Hi it's adrien again

sufferer: boo

large baguette: ;-;

large baguette: I thought you loved me!!!

sufferer: i do but ladybug is my actual wife

large baguette: can chat be our flower boy -LB

sufferer: a b s o l u t e l y

sufferer: nino's the best man

sufferer: let's have a spring wedding

sufferer: when's your birthday ladybug

large baguette: it's in may -LB

sufferer: mines in march

large baguette: if our wedding's in april it's like a compromise -LB

sufferer: good idea

sufferer: see this is why i married you

sufferer: i'm gonna have marinette's family do the cake

sufferer: it'll be pink

large baguette: pink is my favorite color so that's great -LB

sufferer: ladybug will you come pick me up so you can ditch adrien and have a date with me instead

large baguette: i'll consider it -LB

large baguette: you know what i'll finish this date with adrien and then i'll take you to a café or something -LB

large baguette: chat won't mind trust me. he's gonna see marinette later this week so we get even at each other -LB

sufferer: i can't wait

sufferer: i love how your relationship is so wholesome that you're consensually cheating on each other

large baguette: it's less cheating and more experimentation but yes -LB

mr sarcasm: alya can i date chat noir if you get to date ladybug

sufferer: ofc

sufferer: we can play at ladybug's game too

large baguette: I'm back but i'm gonna put my phone away for the rest of the date

sufferer: ok nerd

 

large baguette: date is over, meet me in 2 at the café by your house? -LB

sufferer: WILL DO

 

mr sarcasm: i love how everyone's dating everyone

mr sarcasm: i'm dating alya who's married to ladybug who's dating chat noir who's dating marinette who's dating adrien who's dating me who's dating chat noir 

large baguette: it's not true friendship unless you're all gay for each other

mr sarcasm: truer words have never been said

 

12:07 am

 

sufferer: i'm GAY

barry b: relatable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nino's story is actually based on me lmao; my mom said "we're gonna go to paris" and i said OH SHIT so i downloaded duolingo and crammed for 23 days,, then i came into french next year knowing everything (cause i took asl last year)
> 
>  
> 
> THANKS FOR READING BY THE WAY I'M LOVE YOU SO MUCH <33333


	9. nino is hawkmoth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NINO IS HAWKMOTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been almost a month since i updated B)

petty squad, 3:51 am

 

sufferer: its 4 am and im writing self insert ladynoir fanficiton 

barry b: but WHY

sufferer: marinate lemme ask u a quesiotkn

sufferer: do you kwkw hwo ao3 works

barry b: u post fanfiction and people read it???

sufferer: akatuer

barry b: alya please go to sleep your texts are becoming so cryptic that i have no idea what you're saying

sufferer: amrinaye

barry b: what??

sufferer: marinate

barry b: what

sufferer: will u beta my self isntert ladyboir fanfitocn

barry b: not under any circumstances, no

sufferer: i thohht u lvoed me

barry b: i do not love you enough to beta self insert ladynoir fanfiction 

sufferer: i cri evertim

barry b: now p l e a s e go to sleep

sufferer: if o go to sleep wil yih beta my self finsfert ladynori fanficitn

barry b: ...i will consider it

sufferer: IM LVOE TOU MARKNETTE

barry b: goodnight nerd

 

9:42 am

 

large baguette: alya why were you writing self insert ladynoir fanfiction at 4 am

sufferer: the better question is why weren't YOU

mr sarcasm: that's never the question alya

sufferer: did i ASK

barry b: ladies ladies clam down

barry b: have a spork

sufferer: "clam down"

large baguette: did i tell you about that one time that i sent a photo of a clam to one of my oversea friends with utterly no explanation

mr sarcasm: i have exactly one question and it's WHY

large baguette: they were incredibly confused it was great

sufferer: i should do that

sufferer: did you ever hear back from them

large baguette: nope

mr sarcasm: that's fair 

large baguette: it was the end of an era

sufferer: i have a question

barry b: to whom

sufferer: have you ever heard of lucky charms

large baguette: ya that's what ladybug does at the end of a fight 

sufferer: actually i was talking to an american friend and it's apparently a cereal???

sufferer: that only exists over there?????

mr sarcasm: ???????????

sufferer: it's like cereal with marshmallows or something

barry b: why the fuck would you put marshmallows in cereal

barry b: thos are for hot chocolate

barry b: i have decided that i do not like lucky charms

mr sarcasm: do i sense food discourse coming

barry b: do you mean to say that you DISAGREE WITH ME NINO

barry b: i know my fucken cereal babe

large baguette: clam down marinette 

barry b: war is hell

large baguette: wh

large baguette: what ????

barry b: and you claim to like memes smh

large baguette: Is there something i'm missing here

barry b: don't u know that text post that's just like

barry b: "i type 'clam down' and u assume it's a typo but i am actually holding a soldier clam in my hands. he died so young. war is hell."

large baguette: oh yeah NOW that sounds familiar

sufferer: things r heating up in the meme fandom

mr sarcasm: you mean this post?

mr sarcasm: http://pyropotter.tumblr.com/post/96665883242/you-are-angry-about-something-clam-down-i-text

sufferer: thank you nino

sufferer: you da real mvp

mr sarcasm has changed their name to the real mvp.

the real mvp: no problemo boblemo

large baguette: nino where do you come up with these phrases

the real mvp: it is just part of my gnarly attitude

barry b: so like

barry b: were you secretly born in america in the 80s with extensive knowledge of the prevalent slang at the time or ??

the real mvp: ya i'm actually 35not 15

sufferer: gasp

sufferer: nino that's pedophilia then bc we're dating and i'm a minor

the real mvp: no you're 34 too but you were born in martinique

sufferer: i actually WAS born in martinique

the real mvp: i know that's why i said that

the real mvp: while i was born in morocco but created a secret identity in america and learned all the tubular and relevant vernacular

sufferer: so why did you bother learning english with duolingo then

barry b: wait alya you were born in martinique?

sufferer: ya but my mom made us move to paris this year so she could pursue culinary arts or whatever it was 

sufferer: but i met u and ladybug so ?? not rly a bad thing u kno

sufferer: i'm actually rly glad that we moved bc i didn't have a whole lot of friends before i met u guys

large baguette: really? but you're so full of charm and amiability

sufferer: well so are u but u haven't had any friends your whole life

large baguette: Rude

sufferer: and don't say chloe bc she doesn't count

the real mvp: speaking of chloe why did we let her leave the group chat

the real mvp: she was actually kind of fun

sufferer: bc we were watching shrek and i got distracted so fast that i just forgot about her

sufferer: hang on i'll add her back in

sufferer has added sapphora to the chat.

sapphora: what has happened

large baguette: we're talking about birthplaces

large baguette: my mom didn't want to have me in paris so she made my dad take a break from work and they just kind of went around the country on a really long and elaborate road trip 

large baguette: so i was born in lyon

large baguette: and then my dad was like "we have literally no place to put this child and all of our stuff is at the mansion" so they just went back to paris

barry b: sounds like fun

large baguette: i have no memory of it so i can neither confirm nor deny

barry b: i was born in paris ayy

sapphora: me too tbh

barry b: only ?? two of us were born in paris ??

sufferer: nino was born in an alternate plane of existence

the real mvp: alya you're blowing my cover

large baguette: since you brought that up alya am i allowed to talk about existentialism or the multiverse theory

sufferer: absolutely not

large baguette: but it's so fascinating!!

barry b: nerd

large baguette: Don't act like you're any better marinette

large baguette: you listened to me ramble about the probability of alien existence for five hours the other day

barry b: doesn't mean i enjoyed it tho

large baguette: :00

sapphora: listen marinette don't let this kid get carried away bc one time he spent an entire six hour playdate talking to me about schrödinger's cat 

sapphora: it was incredibly boring

large baguette: You could've left at any time

sapphora: my dad paid me to hang out with you 

large baguette: no he didn't!!

large baguette: did he?????

sapphora: no but i would've felt bad if i just straight up told you that you were boring me halfway to death

barry b: can someone explain what schrödinger's cat actually IS bc i still have no idea,

sapphora: marinette no

sapphora: what have you done

large baguette: IM GLAD YOU ASKED

large baguette: imagine there's a cat inside a box and there's a system set in place that if an atom decays, the cat dies. so until you open the box you have no idea if the cat is alive or not. so until you observe the cat it is in a hyperstate of both living and dying

barry b: that makes no sense??

barry b: why is the cat in a box

barry b: free it

sufferer: i'm already in a hyperstate of both living and dying tbh

sufferer: i am kept in this mortal coil only by the caffeinated powers of coffee at this point tbh

the real mvp: what happens if the cat dies

the real mvp: where did it come from

the real mvp: what are you going to tell its owner

large baguette: It doesn't matter where the cat came from !! the important thing is how u can't disprove the cat's hyperstate existence so basically this is kind of like a super powered zombie cat

large baguette: i mean that's only the copenhagen interpretation, there's also the many worlds interpretation in which there are alternate universes for each possible outcome 

sapphora: not to be rude but no one cares

large baguette: there's a multiple universe for EVERYTHING chloe

large baguette: there's one in which you don't have good fashion sense

sapphora: scandalous

large baguette: and u know what? there's also one where you aren't unnecessarily salty to me. pls try and bring me to that universe, chloe

sapphora: no

large baguette: guess we're in a worse universe than we could be

sapphora: that's ok

sapphora: u have me in this one and that's what matters

sufferer: wise words from chloe

barry b: amen

sufferer: chloe did you see the newest ladybug action figure

sapphora: no ??

sapphora: i keep incredibly close tabs on all ladybug related stuff so i'm pretty sure if there was a new one i'd know about it

sufferer has sent you a link.

sufferer: LOOK !!!!!!

sapphora: omg

sapphora: that's amazing i want it

sapphora: alya thank u for telling me about it

sufferer: it costs 260 euros

sapphora: and ??

sufferer: and u should buy it for me bc i don't have that kind of money lying around

sapphora: i'll see what i can do

large baguette: wait i was gone what happened

sufferer: smh get with the times

large baguette: No

large baguette: blease tell me what i missed

sufferer: scroll up

large baguette: ...

large baguette: alya u can forget chloe i'm gonna buy ten of them and you can have one

sufferer: why only one ???????

sufferer: give me All

large baguette: No

sufferer: i hate u

 

2:19 am

 

sufferer: aaaaaaaaa

the real mvp: what is it babe

sufferer: i forgot to do my math homework

the real mvp: at 2 am ??

sufferer: i have problems ok

sufferer: send me the answers please

sufferer: i do not have the mental capacity to complete these

the real mvp: sigh

the real mvp has sent you a photo.

sufferer: i'm would die for you

sufferer has sent you a GIF.

the real mvp: what the fuck is that gif

sufferer: whoOPS WRONG GIF

sufferer: that's my banana gif

the real mvp: ur... banana gif 

sufferer: it's from like 2008 or something

sufferer: it was animated for peanut butter jelly time or something do u remember that song

the real mvp: ya it's 8 years old

sufferer: EIGHT YEARS

sufferer: i feel old

sufferer: anywyas here's the gif i meant to send

sufferer has sent you a GIF.

the real mvp: sometimes i just do not understand you

the real mvp: but thanks i guess

sufferer: <3 <3 <3333

 

6:28 pm

 

barry b: this chat has been so dead what were you all doing today

large baguette: i was at fencing

sufferer: i was making ladynoir edits

sapphora: i was scrolling through alya's existing collection of ladynoir edits

the real mvp: i have no excuse tbh

the real mvp: i was looking at memes

barry b: me always

barry b: what kind of memes

the real mvp: oh y'know

the real mvp: memes

the real mvp: have you ever heard of dora

large baguette: isn't that an american kids show

the real mvp: i think u mean an american masterpiece

sufferer: what is it omg

the real mvp: it's exactly what adrien said pretty much

the real mvp: but they sing and dora speaks spanish

the real mvp: her best friend is a blue monkey, followed by an iguana

the real mvp: i used to watch that SO MUCH when i was little

the real mvp: that's why i know some spanish

sufferer: wow

the real mvp: what was YOUR favorite kids show alya

sufferer: TELEFRANCAIS

sufferer: there aren't many martiniquaise shows for kids so my parents decided to expose me to that horror instead

barry b: that show was so weird

barry b: the first time i saw it was when you sent the link though

sapphora: mine was always my little pony

sufferer: you must've grown up with an earlier gen right

sapphora: yep

sapphora: good old days of poor animation, odd color schemes and horrid dubs

sapphora: it was great

large baguette: nice

 

9:36 pm

 

sufferer: do you think we can go a whole chapter without an akuma

the real mvp: what are you talking about

sufferer: oh nothing

sufferer: nothing at all

 

8:54 am

 

barry b: good mornign everyone i'm dead

large baguette: hi dead i'm adrien

sufferer: why are you dead babe??

barry b: NO sleep last night

sufferer: why no sleep????!!!!

barry b: i started another project

barry b: see it always feels so nice to start it and then when i wake up four hours later the Regret ™ 

sufferer: what project was it

barry b: dress

sufferer: what kind of dress!!!!

barry b: ballgown

sufferer: what is it for!!!!!!

barry b: shh that's a SECRET

sufferer: ok no spoiler!!!!

barry b: no spoiler

 

6:37 pm

 

sufferer: okay but what color is it

barry b: why are you asking ten hours later

sufferer: i didn't want to ask you at school

sufferer: so what color is it!!!!!

barry b: several

sufferer: :000 IS IT TYE DIE!!!!!

barry b: no

sufferer: give me a color scheme

barry b: peaches, cream, raspberry

sufferer: CUTE

large baguette: are you making a peach and raspberry cobbler

barry b: ha ha

sufferer: henlo adrien

large baguette: helllo you ATTRACTIVE adrien

sufferer: go eat a croissant nerd

the real mvp: is there a reference here i'm not getting

sufferer: only one to the best image of all time

the real mvp: which is ..?

sufferer: it's like "henlo lizer// helllo you STINKY lizard// go eat a fly ugly"

large baguette: my favorite poem

barry b: modern art

large baguette: marinette will you come over 

barry b: why

large baguette: i miss you :3c

barry b: u saw me a few hours ago

large baguette: too long!!!!!!

barry b: fine put on my mcfuckign coat so i can WALK ALL THE WAY OVER TO MY DUMB BOYFRIEND

large baguette: <3 <3 <3

the real mvp: don't you live like 10 minutes away from each other

barry b: IRRELEVANT 

 

9:57 pm

 

barry b: someone please help me adrien ate too many malteasers and he's on a sugar high

barry b: he keeps giggling and trying to touch my freckles

sufferer: can u blame him

barry b: i might be gone for a while i need to uncover all adrien's candy stashes and hide them where he can't get to them

sufferer: godspeed

barry b: more like beyoncéspeed

sufferer: more like ladybugspeed

barry b: that's a pretty fast speed

sufferer: bye babe

 

11:02 pm

 

barry b: ok he passed out thank goodness

sufferer: take pictures

barry b has sent you a photo.

sufferer: WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE CUTE EVEN WHEN IN A SELF INDUCED SUGAR COMA

barry b: dw babe i'm sure you'd be too

sufferer: hahahahahahaha 

sufferer: no

barry b: u should give urself more credit

barry b: u are very cute

sufferer: i'm love u marinette

sapphora: hey y'all does anyone have blue lipstick

sapphora: i'm trying to prove a point to sabrina

the real mvp: ACTUALLY ITS CORAL BLUE #3 

the real mvp: i'm like 98% sure that adrien does

sapphora: marinette will you loot through adrien's makeup

barry b: fine

barry b: should i bring it to you on monday

sapphora: no tomorrow

sapphora: u know where the heck i live mlle marinette

sapphora: just give it to my butler or smth

barry b: yes ofc i am ur eternal slave

sapphora: nice

sufferer: don't stay up too late mari !!!!!!

barry b: dw i found the lipstick so i'm gonna go to bed now

 

1:24 am

 

barry b: I STOLE MARINETTES PHONE

the real mvp: how the tables have turned

barry b: wait why

sufferer: adrien that girl has stolen so mANY phones ???

sufferer: she stole your phone she stole my phone she stole chloe's phone and it's only a matter of time before she steals nino's

barry b: when did she steal my phone??

sufferer: oh right you don't remember that

sufferer: well she accidentally gave u a voicemail in which she called you "hot stuff" so she stole your phone when you were at fencing to delete it

barry b: did she???

barry b: huh

barry b: i thought i just misplaced it

the real mvp: sometimes you are just so oblivious 

barry b: Name ONE other time when i've been oblivious!!!!!!!!

sufferer: well for one it took u forever to figure out that marinette had a crush on u and even then i was the one who told you

barry b: ...aight u got me

the real mvp: why are we all awake at 1:30 am

sufferer: i'm always here for my babe

the real mvp: who's ur babe alya

sufferer: you're all my babes

barry b: I'm blessed

 

10:21 am

 

barry b: alya i trusted u how dare u let me down like this

sufferer: is this marinette or adrien

barry b: hawkmoth

barry b: ITS MARINETTE

barry b: WHY DID U TELL ADRIEN ABT THE WHOLE HOT STUFF THING

barry b: adrien is snickering and saying he'll change his screen name to hot stuff i actually hate you all

large baguette has changed their name to hot stuff.

hot stuff: it's pretty amusing after all

barry b: no it's not

sufferer: ur a mean one mr gunch

hot stuff: i just choked on my baguette

the real mvp: blease do not do this

sufferer: NINO YOURE AWAKE

sufferer: how did u sleep

the real mvp: i fell asleep at my computer trying to transpose this one section of the song and my head was on the j key for 9 straight hours

barry b: how many j's is that

the real mvp: a lot

sufferer: thank you for clarifying nino

barry b: i might be mia for a bit bc im leaving adrien's to work on my peach raspberry cobbler dress so bye y'all

sufferer: BYE MARINETTE IM LOV U

hot stuff: marinette more like m(aiguille)rinette

the real mvp: mrinette

hot stuff: you know what i meant nino

 

1:12 pm

 

barry b: I FINISHED THE SKIRT

sufferer: CAN I SEE!!!!!!

barry b: NO NOT YET

sufferer: >:(

 

4:34 pm

 

barry b: tfw when you're sewing for 3 hours straight and you ascend to the fourth dimension

hot stuff: Marinette you're already IN the fourth dimension

barry b: isn't the fourth dimension like that really weird cube??

hot stuff: no ???

hot stuff: In the context of the space time continuum it's definitely time

barry b: fine i ascended to the fifth dimension

hot stuff: Not how it works but okay

barry b: does it look like i care

sufferer: OH SNAP

sapphora: marinette you still haven't brought me the lipstick

barry b: o heck you're right i'll do that

sapphora: good

sapphora: listen i've been waiting for hours you gotta pull through

barry b: i'm COMING 

 

5:17 pm

 

sapphora has sent you a photo.

sapphora: me ft blue lipstick

sufferer: you look like you have hypothermia

sapphora: thanks

hot stuff: THATS MY LIPSTICK

sapphora: ya marinette stole it for me

sufferer: adrien why do you own that

hot stuff: it was for a photoshoot

hot stuff: listen blue happens to be a very good color on me

barry b: green is definitely better on you

hot stuff: u think so????

hot stuff: tell me what you think of this then

hot stuff has sent you a photo.

barry b: that shade of eyeshadow is disgusting is what i think

hot stuff: :(

barry b: i like the glitter tho

sufferer: u look like an elf adrien

hot stuff: i'll take that as a compliment

sufferer: it's not

hot stuff: I WILL CONTINUE TO TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT

barry b: okay if we're doing odd makeup color schemes i wanna do red

barry b has sent you a photo.

barry b: i rooted throughout my entire room to find red eyeshadow

sufferer: why are your eyebrows red too???

barry b: gotta keep up the Aesthetic ™ 

sufferer: this looks fun what color should i do

the real mvp: i think you'd look good in orange

sufferer: i wouldn't but okay

sufferer has sent you a photo.

sufferer: i used crayons for my lip liner B)

barry b: that sounds like a really bad idea

sufferer: B) B) B)

hot stuff: what color should nino wear

barry b: uhhhh purple

sufferer: NINO IS HAWKMOTH

the real mvp: n o

sapphora: nino is hawkmoth?

hot stuff: i can't believe my best friend is hawkmoth

sufferer: i can't believe my boyfriend is hawkmoth

barry b: i can't believe my boyfriend's best friend and my best friend's boyfriend is hawkmoth

the real mvp: i'm not hawkmoth 

sufferer: that sounds like something that someone who was hawkmoth would say

the reach mvp: i hate you alya

sufferer: <3

 

9:53 pm

 

sufferer: friendly reminder that nino is hawkmoth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading and i will see you next time
> 
> (THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR NICE COMMENTS I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH)


	10. soup squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette's peach raspberry cobbler dress is revealed, Ladybug gets a phone, and everyone watches "I'm at soup" for half an hour straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DREW MYSELF FANART HECK YEAH ((someone's gotta do it you know))
> 
> this fic has been super fun to write but i think it will be done after this chapter!! i know i said that like six chapters ago but whatever i like having ten chapters in my works
> 
> (speaking of which this is my most kudos'ed work so far wowza im glad you guys like it!!! <3 <3 <3)

7:43 am   
  
  
hot stuff: wake me up (wake me up inside)   
  
sufferer: what's up leaf   
  
hot stuff: Where did leaf come from   
  
sufferer: it's a quote from a musical   
  
sufferer: y'know how there are some quotes that include other smaller quotes but you can't think of the smaller quotes w/o thinking of the entire quote   
  
the real mvp: you lost me there   
  
sufferer: like "i'm dying squirtle"   
  
sufferer: you can't say "i'm dying" without saying "squirtle"   
  
hot stuff: I'm pretty sure that you can   
  
sufferer: shh no one asked   
  
sufferer: anywyas i can't say "what's up" without saying "leaf" after it anymore bc of this musical   
  
hot stuff: Which musical ????   
  
sufferer: the twenty fifth annual putnam county spelling bee   
  
hot stuff: you know so many musicals   
  
sufferer: listen musicals are hecka good okay   
  
sufferer: nino back me up musicals are good right   
  
the real mvp: yes they are   
  
sufferer has changed their name to musicals are good.   
  
musicals are good: the only thing is u have to listen to soundtracks at least twice before u really get to like them   
  
musicals are good: HEY ADRIEN WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST MUSICAL   
  
hot stuff: Uhhh   
  
hot stuff: Hamilton ?   
  
musicals are good: ADE TOUF DUSKCNF SEITOUS   
  
hot stuff: ????   
  
musicals are good: HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE HEARD A MUSICAL BEFORE FOUR CHAPTERS AGO   
  
hot stuff: Why do you keep referencing chapters i don't get it   
  
musicals are good: amateur   
  
the real mvp: does high school musical count as a musical   
  
musicals are good: i guess but i was referring to like broadway or off-broadway   
  
musicals are good: mine was les mis :')   
  
the real mvp: i'm p sure that my first musical was wicked   
  
musicals are good: i've had heathers stuck in my head all day though   
  
musicals are good: there are just so many musicals and i love them all   
  
hot stuff: Can you list some for me so I can listen to them when i get home from school   
  
musicals are good: um well we already listed les mis, hamilton, wicked, twenty fifth annual putnam county spelling bee and heathers   
  
musicals are good: but there's also like   
  
musicals are good: hoo boy here we go   
  
musicals are good: dear evan hansen, west side story, godspell, assassins, book of mormon, falsettos, rent, in the heights, hedwig and the angry inch, be more chill, the lion king, newsies, oliver, music man, fun house and then there are some older musicals like the sound of music, grease, mary poppins, etc   
  
musicals are good: and the best of all   
  
musicals are good: shrek the musical   
  
musicals are good: i skipped a lot but like those are some of my favorites   
  
musicals are good: THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS   
  
musicals are good: anyways why did you type wake me up (wake me up inside)   
  
hot stuff: i feel incredibly dead    
  
musicals are good: relatable   
  
hot stuff: marinette should spend the night with me more often   
  
hot stuff: i always sleep better with her around   
  
barry b: one of these days you're gonna make me move in aren't you   
  
hot stuff: MARI <3 <3 <3   
  
hot stuff: Also could you please do that   
  
hot stuff: I always have nightmares when you're not there   
  
barry b: always?   
  
hot stuff: I mean always since my mother left   
  
hot stuff: the first time you slept over was like   
  
hot stuff: real nice   
  
hot stuff: bc i actually got a decent nights sleep   
  
musicals are good: ADRIEN YOURE MAKING ME FEEL SORRY FOR YOU   
  
hot stuff: Ehh i was used to it   
  
hot stuff: I wouldn't be sorry for me if i were you   
  
musicals are good: why not   
  
hot stuff: bc i'm fine??? ??   
  
musicals are good: if you've been having nightmares for a year but only when marinette isn't around then i would think you're not fine   
  
hot stuff: Like i said, i'm used to it   
  
barry b: i didn't know that? ??   
  
barry b: why didn't u tell me   
  
hot stuff: i did!!   
  
barry b: you did??   
  
  
PM between barry b and hot stuff, 8:15 am   
  
  
hot stuff: I definitely told you this like three months ago   
  
barry b: as adrien?   
  
hot stuff: as chat   
  
hot stuff: we were napping on each other   
  
hot stuff: and i told you that you really helped me to sleep bc i felt So well rested when i woke up   
  
barry b: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO EXTRAPOLATE FROM THAT THAT YOU WERE HAVING NIGHTMARES WITHOUT ME THERE   
  
hot stuff: oh i guess that's fair   
  
barry b: You can sleep over tonight if you want   
  
hot stuff: I can??!!!!!   
  
barry b: yeah you can meet me on the balcony and we can play video games for a while   
  
hot stuff: Your parents won't mind ?   
  
barry b: i mean it's not like either one of us is going to get pregnant   
  
hot stuff: true   
  
hot stuff: or maybe you will be the next virgin mary   
  
barry b: My child wouldn't be jesus though it would be catbug   
  
hot stuff: Omg   
  
hot stuff: i'll see you at school mari!!! i love you <3   
  
barry b: i love you too   
  
  
5:37 pm   
  
  
barry b: are you coming over ??   
  
hot stuff: yeah ofc!!   
  
hot stuff: I was trying to see if I could bring my pajamas while transformed    
  
barry b: just transform in your pajamas   
  
hot stuff: marinette i love you   
  
barry b: love you too   
  
  
petty squad, 5:48 pm   
  
  
musicals are good: y'all have been suspiciously quiet   
  
musicals are good: adrien have you been listening to musicals   
  
hot stuff: not yet   
  
hot stuff: i'm at mari's so i haven't had the chance   
  
musicals are good: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)    
  
hot stuff: it's great i get unlimited croissants   
  
barry b: not anymore you don't    
  
hot stuff: i can't believe this   
  
musicals are good: mari be good to him   
  
barry b: no promises   
  
hot stuff: Doesnt  that constitute abuse   
  
barry b: um... no? ?¿   
  
barry b: why would denying you of croissants be abuse   
  
hot stuff: I NEED THEM TO SURVIVE   
  
barry b: smh   
  
hot stuff: Oh by the way marinette's peach raspberry cobbler dress is super cute   
  
musicals are good: SEND PICTURES!!!!!   
  
hot stuff: okay   
  
hot stuff has sent you a photo.

  
  
barry b: I TRUSTED YOU   
  
barry b has changed their name to FUCK ADRIEN.   
  
musicals are good: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: alya no   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: i mean he's the worst boyfriend ever and he betrayed me   
  
hot stuff: that's ALL it means???   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: please shut the rock up adrien   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: i mean the fuck   
  
musicals are good: SHUT THE ROCK UP OH MY GOD   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALYA   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: I LOVE YOU BUT BLEASE   
  
sapphora: what the fuck   
  
sapphora: what did i miss    
  
musicals are good: VIRGINIA MY HOME SWEET HOME I WANNA GIVE YOU A KISS   
  
hot stuff: mwah~    
  
the real mvp: what is happening    
  
musicals are good: shut the dwayne johnson up nino   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: im going to kill you alya   
  
sapphora: i'm leaving bye   
  
sapphora has left the chat.   
  
musicals are good: you wish   
  
musicals are good has added sapphora to the chat.   
  
sapphora: can i at least mute you   
  
musicals are good: THEN YOULL MISS ALL THE MEMES   
  
sapphora: good   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: wait chloé how'd you leave the chat   
  
sapphora: go to settings and under group chat members click 'leave group'   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: sayonara suckers   
  
FUCK ADRIEN has left the chat.   
  
musicals are good: NOOOOO MY WIFE   
  
sapphora: let's add ladybug in her place   
  
musicals are good: ok    
  
musicals are good: adrien will you text ladybug   
  
hot stuff: i don't have her number   
  
musicals are good: how the fuck do you contact her   
  
hot stuff: i scream into the night for half an hour and hope she answers   
  
sapphora: that should be our date night adrichou   
  
hot stuff: screaming? sounds like fun i'll be there   
  
  
PM between FUCK ADRIEN and hot stuff, 6:27 pm   
  
  
hot stuff: alya and chloé want ladybug to take your place   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: tell them no   
  
hot stuff: pls   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: should i just text with my yo-yo???   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: i'm not gonna transform every time they send a message   
  
hot stuff: Buy a new phone ???   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: news flash but not every family has the money to buy a smartphone whenever they want   
  
hot stuff: they don't ??   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: i mean its not like i'm poor but we're not loaded like your family is and a smartphone is a bit of a luxury   
  
hot stuff: okay then i'll buy you one   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: you will??   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: an entire phone just for this group chat ??   
  
hot stuff: it'd be great!! you could  text ur fans and stuff!!!   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: i mean i'm not opposed but are you sure you want to spend your money on this   
  
  
7:39 pm   
  
  
FUCK ADRIEN: adrien are you there??   
  
hot stuff: yeah i was at the phone store   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: oh my god   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: are you really   
  
hot stuff: anything for my bugaboo <3   
  
FUCK ADRIEN: <3 <3 <3   
  
  
petty squad, 8:12 pm   
  
  
hot stuff has added buginette to the chat.   
  
musicals are good: HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THAT LADYBUG   
  
buginette: Hey -LB   
  
hot stuff: i finally yelled loud enough for her to come   
  
hot stuff: also since you have your own phone now you probably don't need to sign your texts   
  
buginette: Right as always    
  
musicals are good: oh please when has adrien ever been right about anything   
  
buginette has sent you a photo.

  
  
hot stuff: ;-;   
  
sapphora: omg hi ladybug   
  
sapphora: i'm a big fan   
  
the real mvp: aren't you like 155cm wouldn't you be a little fan   
  
sapphora: shut the dwayne johnson up nino    
  
musicals are good: HOW TALL ARE YOU LADYBUG   
  
buginette: 163 cm   
  
musicals are good: WAIT A MINUTE   
  
the real mvp: fill my cup put some liquor in it   
  
musicals are good: THATS HOW TALL MARINETTE IS   
  
musicals are good: adrien is her peach raspberry cobbler dress fitted to herself   
  
hot stuff: i'm p sure it is   
  
musicals are good: LADYBUG COULD WEAR MARINETTE'S DRESS   
  
musicals are good: THATD BE SO COOL   
  
buginette: LOL What would i do just show up at her doorstep and be like "lmao can i have that dress that you toiled on endlessly for days straight"   
  
buginette: Also who's marinette   
  
musicals are good: only my wife and the most amazing person i know   
  
buginette: </3   
  
musicals are good: besides you of course ladybug   
  
musicals are good: that goes without saying    
  
hot stuff: i'm gonna go back over to marinette's house bye guys   
  
musicals are good: she's gonna murder you but okay    
  
hot stuff: why is she gonna murder me?????   
  
musicals are good: have you ever SEEN that girl while she's working on something   
  
musicals are good: yesterday i tried to give her a surprise visit while she was busy and she almost stabbed me with her needle   
  
musicals are good: she had pins in her mouth and between her fingers and they looked like wolverine's claws   
  
musicals are good: this isn't related but i wonder if chat noir has his own phone too   
  
  
PM between hot stuff and buginette, 8:23 pm   
  
  
buginette: No   
  
hot stuff: PLEASE   
  
buginette: why,,   
  
buginette: adri don't do this to yourself   
  
hot stuff: I WANNA TALK TO MY FANS TOO   
  
hot stuff: did you give out your new number yet   
  
buginette: not yet ill do it now   
  
buginette: i'm just scared people will call me and keep me up all night   
  
hot stuff: Turn off your notifications and hide your phone in a box muffled by pillows every night   
  
hot stuff: that's what i do   
  
buginette: thanks babe <3   
  
  
hot stuff: you haven't texted in a while is it going well   
  
buginette: HELP   
  
buginette: ITS BEEN HALF AN HOUR AND I HAVE GOTTEN NO LESS THAN 11,352 NOTIFICATIONS   
  
buginette: THIS WAS THE WORST IDEA OF MY LIFE   
  
hot stuff: dw i've been there i can help!!!   
  
buginette: i'm gonna cry adrien how do you deal with this   
  
hot stuff: cry   
  
buginette: been there done that   
  
hot stuff: honestly i just set aside an hour each day to read through messages and delete spam   
  
hot stuff: i don't tend to reply to comments or messages bc it's unprofessional but i figured you might want to bc that's kind of what your phone is for   
  
buginette: u right   
  
buginette: i'll start with the texts first   
  
buginette: keeping up a consistent typing style is so exhausting but you gotta do what you gotta do   
  
  
buginette: IM CRYING LOOK AT THIS TEXT SOMEONE SENT ME   
  
buginette: "i'll give u a box of chocolates if u come into my room at 11:30 tonight and sing rick astley's never gonna give you up to me"   
  
buginette: and then they gave the address   
  
hot stuff: wild   
  
hot stuff: wonder who that could be   
  
buginette: ADRIEN WAS THAT YOU   
  
hot stuff: NO   
  
hot stuff: but i certainly wouldn't turn it down if offered   
  
buginette: Not a chance   
  
  
petty squad, 9:21 pm   
  
  
sapphora: ladybug can you come over   
  
buginette: Sorry i can't !! :((   
  
buginette: You would not believe the number of texts and messages i've been getting and i'd feel super guilty if i didn't answer them all   
  
the real mvp: are you gonna add chat to the chat ?   
  
buginette: I'm pretty sure he's getting himself another phone rn   
  
buginette: Y'know, so his actual number can't be traced    
  
musicals are good: oh is that what you did??   
  
buginette: Yep   
  
buginette: Gosh i gotta get back to answering messages   
  
buginette: Why are so many of these in English??   
  
buginette: Are any of you fluent in English   
  
sapphora: adrien's fluent in mandarin if that helps   
  
buginette: It doesn't but thanks   
  
the real mvp: tbh just use wordreference   
  
buginette: Nah i got google translate   
  
sapphora: do you think you can come over later?   
  
buginette: Like for a sleepover?   
  
sapphora: yeah!! i invited adrien but he hasn't texted me back yet   
  
buginette: Okay let me check   
  
  
PM between sapphora and hot stuff, 9:27 pm   
  


  
sapphora: adrien help a sister out   
  
sapphora: will you come to a sleepover at my house with ladybug   
  
hot stuff: Sure okay   
  
sapphora: i love you so much adrichou   
  
hot stuff: you keep calling me a nerd but okay   
  
sapphora: it's a term of endearment   
  
sapphora: don't question it   
  
  
petty squad, 9:41 pm   
  
  
musicals are good: hey have any of you ever watched i'm at soup   
  
hot stuff: no ??   
  
buginette: I love that video omg   
  
hot stuff: bugaboo you've watched it??   
  
musicals are good: bugaboo oh my god   
  
sapphora: that's like my favorite video    
  
the real mvp: my nighttime routine is to watch that video three times   
  
sapphora: i can't believe you've never watched it adrien   
  
sapphora: when you come over you're watching it    
  
sapphora: is that ok w u ladybug   
  
buginette: Of course   
  
buginette: Speaking of which i can come over now as long as you're okay with me checking my phone every six seconds   
  
sapphora: i've met alya before i'll live   
  
musicals are good: HEY    
  
musicals are good: that's tru tho   
  
musicals are good: i would die without my phone    
  
  
buginette has changed their name to WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE.   
  
musicals are good: fuck you guys should've rabb.it -ed it so we could all react simultaneously    
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE: don't worry we can watch it again   
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE: and again   
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE: and again   
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE: lemme set up a rabb.it the link should be [https://.www.rabb.it/Ladybug02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAUnDDTz30k)   
  
musicals are good: i love you so much ladybug   
  
  
musicals are good has changed their name to FUCK YOU.   
  
sapphora has changed their name to IM AT SOUP.   
  
hot stuff has changed their name to WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE AT SOUP.   
  
the real mvp has changed their name to WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN.   
  
FUCK YOU: IM AT THE SOUP STORE   
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE: We did this out of order oh no   
  
WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN: this is going to get confusing super fast   
  
WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN: i already forgot who everyone was   
  
WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN: okay let's all simultaneously change our names back and see what happens   
  
FUCK YOU has changed their name to always a slut for doritos.   
  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE AT SOUP has changed their name to always a slut for space.   
  
WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES IN THE SOUP STORE has changed their name to #enemyspotted.   
  
WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN has changed their name to always a slut for soup.   
  
IM AT SOUP has changed their name to always a slut.   
  
always a slut: glad we're all on the same page except for ladybug    
  
#enemyspotted: Hey my new name is a pun okay don't knock the puns   
  
#enemyspotted has changed their name to always a slut for puns.   
  
always a slut for soup: this is hardly less confusing tbh   
  
always a slut for soup: everyone try again   
  
always a slut for puns has changed their name to what is a furry for insects called.   
  
always a slut: LADYBUG NO   
  
what is a furry for insects called: Chat's not in the chat (ironically enough) so i must take on the role of resident furry   
  
always a slut for doritos: you really do not   
  
always a slut for soup: alya will you play overwatch with me   
  
always a slut for doritos: wait are you nino i forgot   
  
always a slut for soup: yes   
  
always a slut for soup has changed their name to soup is good.   
  
always a slut for doritos has changed their name to widowmercy 5ever.   
  
always a slut has changed their name to always a slut for ladybug.   
  
what is a furry for insects called: Thanks chloé   
  
always a slut for ladybug: no problem    
  
always a slut for space has changed their name to croissants are my oxygen.   
  
croissants are my oxygen: RIP the cool matching names   
  
what is a furry for insects called: It was for the best adrien   
  
croissants are my oxygen: ;-;   
  
  
10:52 am   
  
  
what is a furry for insects called: I accidentally detransformed in the bathroom so please don't come in chloe    
  
what is a furry for insects called: or adrien for that matter   
  
what is a furry for insects called: i gotta go guys but ily <3   
  
  
12:23 pm   
  
  
croissants are my oxygen: i love how it took us all three tries to get names that actually worked   
  
widowmercy 5ever: some group chats change the chat name according to the occasion, we change our own names   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can write shitty fic ANd i can draw shitty art... get u someone who can do both
> 
> by the way the final names are:
> 
> alya = widowmercy 5ever  
> nino = soup is good  
> adrien = croissants are my oxygen  
> marinette = FUCK ADRIEN  
> chloé = always a slut for ladybug  
> ladybug = what is a furry for insects called
> 
> ***FINAL NOTE: just in case its not clear they ARE typing in french but i chose to write in it english bc a) memes do not translate very well, b) the french tend to read fic less than anglophones and c) they also tend to have a different sense of humor than anglophones so i just decided to leave it in english... however i might translate it someday who knows
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading this, it was super fun to write and i love seeing how much you guys enjoy it!!!


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